Tyriant Moderator
DigiPartner : PokéPartner : Posts : 358 Reputation : 35 Location : Land of Clocks and Twilight
| Subject: Getting stuff off my chest. Sun Oct 14, 2012 8:51 pm | |
| I'm pretty sure nearly everyone on this world has had something bad happen in their life. Or is having bad things happening right now. And I just might be one of those people. Please excuse me while I seek advice on how to deal with this.
I'm not really used to having bad things happen to me, since for a long time I lived with my two parents. But a while back my dad died, and my mother recently passed away, so I had to move in with my aunt and her family. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate my aunt and everything she and her family have been doing for me, but I just feel like such a bother to everyone.
I try really hard to keep my grades up, like they were in Texas, but it's just really hard now. I got my first B ever a week ago and my aunt got super mad at me, and said that if I was going to live under her roof that I need to keep an 'All A Average', and that because my dad was an Astronaut that I should be smart enough to do that. But her own children can barely keep a C average on their report card.
And she hates driving me places too. I joined my school's marching band, but it meets really early on school days and she has to take me there because the buss doesn't run that early, and no one else can pick me up. And all the time she just complains to me about it, like it's my fault. She says that I'm not worth the gas it uses to take me there, even though she doesn't pay for it, all of the bills and costs are spent with my insurance money.
She doesn't abuse me or anything, like she's never hit me or yelled at me, but she just keeps calling me stupid, and making me feel like an idiot all the time. She gets mad when I start talking about my parents, and almost everything I do I have to apologize for because it annoys her. And that started carrying in to my school life as well, I constantly feel inferior to everyone, and apologize all the time, which seems to annoy people there too.
I hate being at home. Her kids are brats, and her husband is gone working all the time, so it's just us there. Neither of them graduated (or even attended) college, and they don't expect any of their kids to amount to anything in life, and that also goes for me. She's constantly telling me how I should just find a good man with money and marry him. She also hates letting me do things. I want to bake a pie for my friend's birthday this Thursday, and she laughs and tells me that I can't cook at all. I ask to sew some scalemates for a friend who recently lost a grandparent, and she says that it'd be a waste of my time.
She also refuses to let me be curious about religions with out making a joke out of it with her husband and friends. I'm Atheist and don't plan on converting anytime soon, but a friend that isn't in my main group (which will be explained below) is really religious, and he as well as his sister and brother invited me to go to church with them on Wednesday services, which I do of course, since they pick me up. But when ever I get back they tease me and ask me why I bother going if I don't believe. And when I try to explain that I'm curious they say that I should just read the bible, cause that's the only thing they care about.
But the kids at school are really cool. I have a group of them that I hang out with all the time. Probably not the best crowd, but they're the ones who let me be friends with them so I'm not complaining. They invite me to a lot of things, but I never get to go because my aunt doesn't let me go anywhere.
I know this sounds like a lot of complaining right now, and that there are a lot of better people out there, with worse situations than mine, but I honestly feel like I need advice on this. I've been trying to see a professional, about maybe getting anti-depressants because I've been feeling extremely low lately, like, lower than I should be feeling kind of thing. It's hard to explain. But I haven't been able to. Some advice on dealing with this kind of situation would really be appreciated. I don't really know what I can do.
| |
|
MoonlightWonderland Marcus
PokéPartner : Posts : 312 Reputation : 49 Location : Crystal Tokyo
| Subject: Re: Getting stuff off my chest. Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:12 pm | |
| Honey, that is mental and verbal abuse.
I went through the same thing with my step mother. It's bull, I know. And it's not fair that she takes it out on you. You are not a whipping girl.
I think she is not ready to face facts that her brother and sister are dead. But that still doesn't give her the right to act like that when you try to talk to her about it.
And if your insurance is paying for it, then she shouldn't open her mouth at all. That is nonsense for you too go through. Your insurance should cover going to see a specialist, I was and still am in the same position with the depression. You need someone to talk to that isn't going to judge you.
Writing things down in a journal, or just writing in general helps me. What I do when I get really upset, is a tear a piece of paper up and write down all that is bothering me and go outside and lite them on fire. You just have to remember you aren't alone, you have people that care about you and are here for you. And none of this is your fault. Everyone has a strike of bad luck, and it usual hits people at the worst of times. Soon your luck will change I am sure of it, but until then just know you have people here to talk with you and help you.
| |
|