Resident Evil: Project Zero [9] Spork/Review

So, guys, this is the halfway mark. After this there are only nine more chapters to go. Let's see just how much more bullshit and nothingness can be shoved simultaneously into it, shall we?

Resident Evil: Project Zero -9-

Hope you enjoyed last chapter. Feel free to message me any ideas for chapter 10.

No, this is a cardinal sin among serious writers on the internet. You do not - do not - ask your readers to give ideas for you!

"Wow, that was a close one." I said, scared but impressed. I looked over at the two of them.

"Yeah, let's just hope that dosen't happen again. Especially if there are no explosive barells around." Carlos said.

Explosive barrels are a game mechanic. They would not function that way in real life unless you blew them up with an explosive in the first place.

I laughed a little...Carlos was actually kind of funny. Weird...but in the good kind of way.

Maybe it's just me, but I can't really see what's supposed to be so funny about that line. It seems like a legitimate concern to me.

"C'mon, let's find Wesker. New York is a very popular city, we wouldn't want this place to go to waste, now would we?" Leon said starting to walk. Carlos and I followed behind.

"Yeah, but I don't understand something. Why does Wesker wanna bomb New York and how are zombies wandering around here in this popular state?" he asked. Wow...I thought only Bigton City was the place that happened. New York too? Wow.

You know, you can generally tell the intelligence of the author by the intelligence of their characters. It's really telling as to why a character would be wondering why there might be separate outbreaks, I mean is that really something that should be wondered? The answer should be easy to gather just from logical thinking and inference.

"Wherever Wesker goes, there seems to be an outbreak." Leon said with a small smirk.

I don't quite think the Suethor gets just what a smirk is all about; Leon would not be smirking about this fact. In fact, he'd most likely be scowling or glaring about it.

"All the places this has happened. Raccoon City for instince. Even one part of Africa. Rockfort Island...I bet you there have been more."

Raccoon City? It happened there? In Africa? On an island...what kind of monster was this guy?

I was under the impression that canonically most of the world's population was aware of what happened in Raccoon City.

"But why?" I asked him. He had to know.

Uhm, no, he doesn't have to know. Just because you can recognize someone's MO doesn't necessarily mean you can understand their motives behind what they do.

"It's too much to say. Maybe I'll tell you after the mission. But for now let's just concentrate on getting to Wesker." Leon said. Carlos and I nodded our heads.

As opposed to what? Nodding their hands?

"Oh! It also happened in Spain but Wesker didn't do that...never mind. Let's move."


"Why do we call him 'Wesker' and not 'Albert'?" I asked.

'Why is this relevant to be wondering about at all?' the sporker asked.

We were walking down the sidewalk when I saw something ahead. It looked like another one of them zombies...where did they come from?

"I don't...oh, great! More company. We can talk about that later, let's take care of them. These zombies, I think, come from the T-Virus. Maybe even the G-Virus but they don't...aren't Ganados or Uroboros!" he said.

Suethor, you really have no basic understanding of any of the viruses and parasites, do you? T and G virus creatures are not the same. T-virus produces undead creatures. G-virus produces ever-evolving abominations as evidenced by William Birkin. Ganados and Majini - not Uroboros - were parasite-infected people (and animals) who were faster and cleverer than their undead counterparts (not including the infected canines). Uroboros was the wormlike monster that devoured flesh and used the remains as its body mass.

They are not interchangeable terms when speaking of one or the other.

So they came from viruses?

Ganados and Majini were not created from a virus! Why are you so stupid?!

But I noticed a whole bunch were running our way! We pulled out our handguns and shot one by one. They weren't very easy to kill...yet many lie on the ground. Many were getting closer, so I shot faster. It felt great to shoot a gun...it really got your anger out. Especially if you were shooting these guys.

I think we have our future psychopath/serial killer on our hands. Just read those last few lines and tell me that that's not what it sounded like.

"Oh, that's it!" Leon shouted. He pulled out his machine gun and just started killing them while hitting so many at once. Carlos and I continued using our handguns...one machine gun was good enough.

"Help!" Carlos called out. I looked over at him and a zombie was holding on to him from behind while another in front was about to swing a huge axe to him.

I should point out that until 2012, when Resident Evil 6 came out there were no 'true' zombies that could use weapons of any kinds. The enemies that did were of the parasitic influence. So this would not be a zombie in this story at all because the C-virus that created faster, cleverer zombies had not been introduced yet.

I shot the one with the axe in the stomach and kicked the one from behind...even though I kind of hit Carlos. He didn't care...he just shot the axe one in the head and turned around and shot that one in the head.

That last sentence is a horrid crime against literature. It's lax, it's lacking any and all emotional gravity and it uses the same phrase twice in the same sentence.

"Thanks!" he said as he put another magazine into his gun. I looked in front of me and Leon killed almost all of the zombies! Leon pulled his handgun out and we all continued to shoot away.

It's at this point that I must bring forth a very valid concern yet again.... How much ammo did they actually have stored on them?!

By the time all the zombies were dead, I was tired. It was hard, but I had a feeling it would get a lot easiar as the mission past.

This chick has no idea has to how missions actually run. The longer the mission the harder it will get due to stress, limited rations and ammunition, limited energy and any injury you may procure along the way that would slow you down. That's not even factoring in the morale level of each person involved on the mission. A low morale can do horrible things for the end result while a high morale can greatly boost the chances of success.

Leon stepped up to one and bent down to pick something up. A key covored in blood was in Leon's hand and he showed it to us.

"We better keep it, it dosen't seem like any ordinary house key." Leon said.

Can it get anymore obvious that the suethor is heavily relying on game mechanics to pull her protagonists through?

I nodded my head. It looked larger than that. It was golden and dirty...but you could have guessed the dirty-key part. We continued down the street until we got to a neighborhood. The houses were normal and didn't look like they would be in New York. There were bloodstains on the street and no leaves on the trees.The creepiest part was when I saw a dead bald eagle lying on the ground.

"Ewe...what kind of monster could kill an eagle?" Carlos said, looking down at the eagle in disgust.

I don't believe Carlos would be sissy enough to actually say 'ew' in a situation like this. Also, learn to spell 'ew,' suethor.

He made an excellent point...eagles fly up high. Was it, like, a jumping monster or something like that?

"You're right, how is that possible?" Leon said. Just then, the eagle started to twich. A feather fell and after that his head looked like like bubbles were trying to escape from inside. Then it happened to the whole body and it was getting bigger. The three of us backed away creeped out, especially me. The eagle continued to grow and looked very deformed. Eventually slime was dripping from the body...I seriously felt like throwing up. The eagle opened it's eyes and actually made me jump. I slowly pulled out my machine gun and watched as it flew higher. It was the same size as the houses that surrounded us! It was huge, slimy and gave us an evil look...like he was about to kill us!

I have never been to New York, I have no idea what a typical house looks like or is the size of. A google search gave me varying house sizes but mostly those large apartment buildings most that have never visited are apt to think of when mentioning New York living quarters.

So, because of this I am now imagining an eagle the size of Godzilla. Also, despite the paragraph dedicated to describing the mutated eagle growing and becoming something monstrous, it actually does very little to incite a clear picture of what this thing should look like.

Carlos pulled the trigger first and shot out of his shotgun.

When did he get a shotgun?

Leon and I started shooting at it with our machine guns. But it didn't seem to be dying... it just flew and actually was flying toward us! Just die already! I noticed Leon stopped shooting.

"This isn't working! It must have a weak spot!" he shouted over the loud flapping of it's wings. We stopped too and I had a plan.

Again, just how much ammunition did they have? And where are they keeping it all? At this rate it should all have been expended!

"I'll run behind it and take a look! You guys destract it! I'll tell you if there is a weak spot!" I shouted.

You know, I really doubt you'd know what you're even looking for in a weak spot. Not everything has one and realistically Leon and Carlos and the other Resident Evil characters most likely did not kill everything they came across.

I didn't care if they disliked my plan,

That's actually very telling. It's rather amazing how just a small, unfinished sentence can say so much about a person. Just from this I can tell that this Sue, without having any idea as to what she's doing, without having any sort of training - field or otherwise - and without actually waiting to see if either of the other two has a better plan already thinks her plan is the best course of action. In reality it's separating her from the other two who are supposed to have far superior aim and ability than her and making her an easy target to pick off.

I ran toward a house and jumped over a fence to get to the backyard. I heard gunshots, so they stuck to my plan, thank goodness.

Fuck you. Just.... just fuck you.

I ran across the yard and Carlos was running down the street and the eagle monster was flying toward him. Leon was behind a tree shooting him. They made their own little plan following mine. I ran up from behind the monster and pulled out my machine gun. There was a gigantic, red, slimy, round thing on it's back. That had to be the weak spot! I shot it repetitivly and the eagle eventually fell to the ground...I thought I killed it until he raised his wings and started flying toward Carlos again. He must have thought Carlos was shooting at him...dumb bird. I shot at the red thing again and my machine gun made a clicking sound. Freak! I'm out of ammo! Perfect timing too...the monster turned and flew toward me. I hurried to get my clip, but I panicked so much I couldn't get it in! Luckily, Carlos started shooting at the bird's back and so did Leon. I hurried and reloaded my gun just in case they ran out of ammo. I looked up and it didn't matter, it was flying toward them. Leon tried running around it while Carlos was running away but the eagle hit Leon with his wing. Leon went flying across the street and it looked painful when he hit the ground.

There's a reason I left that large wall of text as is. Mostly it was to show to you all just how dry and boring this is to read in one go without anything to break it up. It also serves to show the lack of ability to put tension and interest in a scene that should very well be tense for the reader. However, everything happens to the convenience of the protagonist. She runs out of ammo? It's okay, someone else is there for the enemy to focus on. She needs to find the weak spot? She finds it instantly and without issue.

Convenience should never be used for the sake of the protagonist. It's lazy and it makes it obvious that you are just catering to your protagonists so that they can win no matter what happens.

"Leon!" I shouted in worry as I ran toward him. Too late. The eagle knocked me to the ground and everything felt dizzy...but then everything went white.

I'm not sure just what's going on there. Did she pass out? Well, people typically see black. Did someone throw a flash grenade? What is even going on?

I opened my eyes and looked behind me when I heard a loud sound. Leon was trying to get up and Carlos was shooting the weak spot...and the eagle scrreeeeamed and fell on the ground. It was dead...I was certain. Leon and I got up and ran to Carlos.


"Thanks, Carlos. We owe you big time." I said.

"Nah, it was your idea, chica." he replied. Chica? I liked that little nickname. We all looked over at the dead bird.

"Well, we better get moving. That thing could come back any second...you never know." Leon said, staring at it.

"I suppose that was from the T-Virus, G-Virus or Uroboros too?" I asked.

T-Virus creature:

G-Virus creature:

Uroboros creature:

They look nothing alike! It is impossible to confuse the three! How she keeps doing this I'll never know!

Leon looked at me in the eyes...I could feel I was getting goosebumps. He made me get them...

We can already infer that you got goose pimples from Leon looking at you, you really don't need to tell us the reason why. It makes you look as if you think you're audience is too stupid to gather this fact.

"Probably Project Zero. A virus that only animals can get, I don't know how it works exactly but..." he was facing away from me now, and looked back at me. "How did you find out about Uroboros?" he asked me.

"David mentioned it the day before yesterday...I can't remember exactly why...I think it had to do with a monster that attacked me. But..." I was interupted by Leon.

"A monster? There was Uroboros in Bigton City?" Leon asked, surprised.

No. She just has no idea what is actually what so she's throwing around canon terms and hoping it sticks.

"Well, he said either that or another virus. Have you..." I tried remembering the monster and it finally hit me. "Ever heard of the licker?" I asked.

"Yeah, but that's from the G-Virus. I guess there was no Uroboros in Bigton." he said, calmed down.

You know, Uroboros was insanely difficult to create. Not only did Wesker need the Las Plagas strain but they had to use the antibodies to the T-virus located in Jill Valentine to satiate Uroboros' volatile nature. Only then did it have any chance of positively infecting someone and even then the chances of that were roughly less than 2%.

Also, Lickers are created through the T-virus.

Quote :

The Licker is one such mutation experienced by zombies as part of the V-ACT process, depending on the variant of the t-virus they were injected with.

-RE wikia

"Dosen't matter, we have to find Wesker and we have to meet back with the others soon. Let's find where that key goes to. I'm pretty sure it's important." Carlos said.

You know, a clever way of handling the key subplot would be to make it a completely useless key that unlocked maybe a garage door or some sort. A dead herring of sorts, if you will.

"Agreed." I said, nodding my head. We walked down the street, too exausted to run. Project Zero? Looks like we'll be seeing a lot of animals around, and I had a feeling animals would be a lot harder to kill than humans.

Ladies and gentleman, this chapter was utterly dry and boring despite what was supposed to be happening within. I can only dread what's coming up in further chapters because of this.