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 Pokemon: Trainwreck |02| Spork

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PostSubject: Pokemon: Trainwreck |02| Spork   Mon Jul 29, 2013 12:28 am

Quote :
It did get much more difficult. You could tell the level changed at battle 14. But me and my pokemon managed at make it through.

Oki: Well of course it would. But it's no big deal for you! Because you're so uber boss and can understand your Pokemon and whatnot.

There is no reason she should be this great at battling. Someone who has not battled in several months or years would slip up, be even just a little bit rusty. Even a little bit would be more realistic then just plowing through these trainers. Dear God, I had Pokemon up in their seventies and eighties and I still have trouble getting up to Ingo and Emmet! It's not easy!


Fang: Exactly. You can understand your Pokemon all you want but if you don't have the skill to command them in battle and to be able to learn to change strategies at the drop of a hat then you're not going to get far. Battling is more than just communication and it seems that many don't realize that because Pokemon is all rpg format and many writers don't realize that they need to incorporate more into than just giving a command that's super effective against the opposing Pokemon.

Quote :
Then after a few hours of battling, we got to battle 20. If I won this, I would challange the Subway Bosses that I've been warned about.

"Wow, rarely anyone is able to make it so far." My opponent said, releasing their pokemon.

Oki: Yea! Ordinarily it is until you get a Mary-Sue plowing through every damn trainer as if they were nothing!

Fang: And yet we don't get to see any of the battles she goes through. I'd be more invested if we actually got to see at least one or two of them in which she struggled, having to think quickly and to come up with strategies on the spot to win her through. As such we don't get any of that, it's all hand waved away and so there's nothing there for us to sympathize with or root for.

Oki: But of course! She merely wants to 'show off' and get to her love interest. There would have been other ways to get to Ingo or Emmet in general but she has to show off to impress the both of them. How else would she gain their interest?

Fang: The stamp collecting situation they used in the anime instead. Cilan was gung-ho about getting all thirty or so stamps in the last of the three days to have a chance to battle Ingo and Emmet. It was the anime's way of cutting down on episode time to introduce them and would be an interesting yearly event the two could do fanfic-wise.

Quote :
This battle began to heat up, pushing me into a corner. I only had Pikachu left against a Archops, and Pikachu was [s]loosing[/s] losing HP quick with the sandstorm.

Oki: So we're going to gloss over the battle, because she wants to get to the possible love interest.

Like how suddenly the majority of her Pokemon are now knocked out, all but Pikachu. You know, I like Pikachu and all, but it seems incredibly over-used in most of these fan fics. I'm not a fan of Ash, but it seems like every other fan fic writer out there is trying to strike up an amazing bond with a Pikachu and nothing else.


Fang: Well, of course, because to the Suethors there is nothing more important than your love in life. A bunch of bollocks if you ask me. I'm single and perfectly content that way because I know I just don't have the time to dedicate to a man right now. There's more to love than just kissing and holding each other and having sex and a lot of younger writers don't realize that.

Also it's "Archeops" not "Archops."


Quote :
"Pikachu, thunderbolt!" I commanded. Pikachu realeased electricity, but Archops dodged and hit Pikachu with it's tail. "Pikachu, you ok?"

"I'm fine, we'll win this. We have to."

Oki:

I will never get over this bull that she can understand her Pokemon! There are only a few that I recall in the series who could and guess what? The majority of those had been because the trainer had a Lucario who bonds with their trainer through aura. There was the Viridian Children, which was a manga exclusive plot, I believe. And then just N. Who was used for his abilities when they were discovered.


Fang: The Viridian children where manga exclusive, yes. It was the whole point of why manga!Lance was the way he was, because he could understand Pokemon so thoroughly and thus knew their pain better than most others.

Quote :
I nodded and studied the Archops. Each time it dodged it would fly up and back down to hit Pikachu with it's tail.

"Pikachu, thunderbolt one more time!" Pikachu realeased electricity again, and the Archops dodging again. It came back down with it's tail below it for the hit. "Now bite it's tail!" Pikachu grabbed ahold of Archops with his teeth, struggling to stay on. "Now use thunderbolt!" Pikachu shocked Archops, Archops fainted, thus I won the battle.

Oki: I will give her this much, at least it wasn't completely glossed over. Still, I've done better and longer battles in role plays.

Fang: Archeops is part rock-type, while rock-types can be hit with electrical attacks and take damage unlike ground-types, it shouldn't have done enough damage to faint Archeops. True, it was 'clever' in the sense that it's the only strategy we've actually seen this Sue exploit but it still wasn't winning material.

Quote :
"Archops, return." My opponent said sitting down on the bench. I walked past him and stood in front of the door. No turning back, mainly because the only way to turn back was to jump out a window on the moving train.

Oki:

Fang: Jeez, the 'NPC' didn't even get a name. You can clearly see where the Sue's priorities lay with this fic.

Quote :
I grabbed the handle and slid the door open, walking into the final part of the train.

I saw the two bosses, just sitting down relaxing on the benches.

"Hm, seems that someone was able to come this far." The one dressed in black said. "We don't get many challengers up here."

"But it is nice to see someone strong and determined every now and then." The one in white said.

"What makes you think she's strong, brother?" The other one spoke again.

"Excuse me?" I said. Is he doubting my strength?

Oki: Yes, yes we are doubting your strength. Because it is utter bull shit.

Of course, we would have to make a canon character question it. This will just give them more incentive to notice you if and when you do win. Because heaven forbid their attention being anywhere else!


Fang: It annoys me that this Sue is getting all riled up because they're doubting her. She said herself that she's struggled through some battles on the way here (we have only the tell to guide us at the moment, so that's the only thing we can use as a gauge when it comes to whats-her-face) but instead of being proud that she'd made it this far she's getting huffy because someone's calling her out on it.

Quote :
"Well the look in your eyes tells me that something has weakened you over the years." He said walking closer. It's kinda creepy that he's able to read me like a book.

Oki:

Fang: Well, if Ingo didn't read you like a book then you wouldn't be able to wangst about your bullshit later.

Quote :
I sighed. "Yes, that is true. But I'm trying to regain that strength." I admitted.

"See, she is determined." The one dressed in white said. "I'm Emmet and this is my brother, Ingo." They finally introduced.

Fang: Why is Emmet so interested in the Sue and her strength? Just because the twins act as a foil to one another doesn't mean that one's going to be agreeable to your Sue and the other wary, you know.

Quote :
"I'm Sonny." I said.

Fang: It says a lot that I forgot what her name was.

Oki: Don't worry, I forgot too. Took me a long time to realize that she named her 'Oc' after herself and just used Hilda's image. Basically another one of those people who just completely insert themselves into Hilda and make no effect to create their own appearance.

Fang: We had already talked about how the Sue was named after the Suethor before, let's not be broken records about that tidbit if we can help it.

Quote :
"Wait, we've heard of you." Ingo said.

"You're the one that stopped Team Plasma 5 years ago." Emmet said.

Fang:

You're telling me this sorry excuse of a character somehow managed to save Unova? She can't even function right without her previous lover, N, to be there with her! Never mind the fact that N's going through a crises that he needs to sort out on his own after Ghetsis revealed he was merely using N for his own purpose! Selfish, selfish little bint!

Oki: I believe, if I remember correctly, she saved Sinnoh as well. But I can't for the life of me remember.

She's so selfish. N showed more strength then this whiny brat would ever manage, going off on his own to sort himself out. He realized throughout his journey that he needed to change his thinking. Sonny-Sue...just a whiny, spoiled, brat who believes she has some tragic romance.


Quote :
"Yeah, that's me." I said rubbing the back of my head.
"You don't know how thankful we are to you!" Emmet said with a bright smile. It's actually kinda cute...

Oki: And here comes the praise! "You saved everyone! We're eternally grateful!". We can't just have regular Oc's who are just regular trainers anymore, can we?

And fuck off! Emmet's mine, dammit!


Fang: Why the hell is Emmet saying she's cute because she saved the world? Just because someone does something doesn't make them look attractive physically.

Oki: Who knows. Probably needs some kind of self indulging compliment.

Quote :
'No! Don't think about that! I-I'm still waiting for N!' I mentally yelled at myself.

Fang:

So much for that all encompassing love for N, huh? If all it takes is for someone to call you "cute" to get over your previous beau than it wasn't as special as you liked to think it is. In fact, if that's all it takes to even think about hooking up with other guys than you have zero reason to be acting like this depressive wreck of a person!

Oki: Time for the clichéd love triangle to start! It's gonna get bad guys. It's gonna get really bad!

Quote :
"If it wasn't for you, then pokemon wouldn't be with us now." Ingo said.

Fang: No, if it wasn't for Hilda or Hilbert than Pokemon wouldn't be with you now. Just because the main protagonists in the games are silent and thus allow for players to immerse themselves better into the storyline doesn't mean you can steal their thunder.

Quote :
"We'd love to see you in battle." Emmet said.

"Who will I be battling?" I asked.

The two looked at each other. "Why don't you battle Ingo?" Emmet said.

"Sure." I said.



Oki: I've been looking for an excuse to use that gif for a long time.

And Fang, get ready. She's gonna try to take Ingo from ya! Better go hide him!


Fang: Well, as long as it's not Grimsley or Lt. Surge, even still-



Quote :
~~~

"Piplup, bubblebeam!" Piplup shot a stream of bubbles at Ingo's Chandelure, super effective since it was part fire-type.

Oki: Call me a horrible person but I don't really believe the whole completely unevolved Pokemon can beat ones that are fully evolved. I know they don't really touch on the whole status thing in the anime but it seems really over the top in my view.

I can get the underdog kind of idea but Sonny-Sue is nowhere near an 'underdog' with how often she praises herself and her 'abilities' that we don't even get to see.

Ingo and Emmet are not exactly easy to beat and that's been proven time and time again, even in the anime.


Fang: It should be noted that in the anime Cilan and Ash couldn't even manage to beat Emmet and Ingo. Ash, the arguable Canon-Sue of the anime.

Personally I like the theory that a Pokemon evolves only when the trainer or a friend of it is in dire need. It makes things more realistic anyways and would show a far greater strength in it and its abilities than that of its un-evolved form.


Quote :
"Psychic." Chandelure attacked Piplup, constantly ramming it against almost every object in sight.

"Piplup! You alright??"

"I-I'm fine. It's only Psychic, right?" Piplup forced out a small laugh, more like a 'Pip-pip.'

Oki: It's only Psychic! I've only been thrown into several potently harmful objects! No trauma here!

Fang: That might be a side-effect of the anime sterilizing battles for the sake of its children audiences. Potentially fatal moves like Psychic throwing the enemy into a potentially harmful object or a Wailord body slamming a Pikachu would do no more than scuff or bruise it up a little if not outright fainting it.

Quote :
I wasn't too sure with Piplup's health, but she seemed to want to continue. I sighed. "Peck!" Piplup ran up to Chandelure, her beak growing in length, jumping up for the hit. But Chandelure whacked Piplup in mid-air, sending her flying to the wall behind me. I looked down in defeat, returning Piplup to her pokeball.

Oki:

Oki: She lost?! What! Well! Plot twist! She actually made herself lose!

Provided, it was probably only to prove that she isn't all healed when it came to battling but that's still bull! More than half the trainers working your way up to Ingo and Emmet are very strong! There was more of a chance that she would be knocked out when the battles started hitting double digits.


Fang: At the very least, Sonny's Pokemon would have been at a severe disadvantage with being unevolved. Their higher evolutions have more power to throw around, higher defenses, etc. etc. It would have been far more interesting to, say, have Sonny try once and fail. Perhaps while she moped a little about her loss Ingo or Emmet or both could have approached her and Emmet could have fueled a need to beat them by teasing her relentlessly about her loss. This would then establish a connection between the Sue and Ingo and Emmet without her having to reach them in one try. Likewise, it would be interesting to see Sonny try to overcome the odds against the subway trainers and reaching further and further down the line and growing with her and her Pokemon. It would also give room for Sonny to interact with the Subway Twins outside of battle the first time around and give more substance to their relationships.

Then again, what do I know? I'm a hack.


Oki: Yea, but that would be interesting and actually take some amount of effort!

Quote :
"Thanks for the battle." I said forcing a smile.

"It was wonderful battling with you." Ingo said.

"You can take a seat until we get to the station." Emmet said. I looked at the blue benches and took a seat, still a bit disappointed in my battle. "Hey, it's ok, not everyone wins every battle." Emmet said.

"I know. It's just that I was getting my confidence back and I lost it. It's been gone for 5 years..." I said.

Oki: No, no. That is not how confidence works. I'm sorry, it's not. If she was truly trying to regain her 'confidence', she wouldn't pout like this. Disappointment happens but gaining confidence would be trying again not just giving up and pouting like she's doing now.

No, this is just being used as incentive to 'Pity me! Bad things happened and I'm super hurt!'


Fang: It would have been more realistic to have seen Sonny's battles so we can get a feeling of hope and confidence as she went. Because it was all glossed over that's not a possibility, instead we have Sonny pouting and whining. She's fishing for attention from the twins and nothing more. If N's departure had really left that much of a profound mark on her to leave her in this mope-y rut than she wouldn't be talking about it at every opportunity she got.

Oki: Exactly. This comes off more like she'd whine about it to anyone who would listen. It's seems more like an excuse rather than actually leaving an effect on her as she's trying to convey.

[/i]
Quote :
"What happened?" Emmet asked.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but the train seemed to all of a sudden come to a stop. We all lost balance and fell. "You ok?" I asked after the train stopped completely.

"Yeah..." Ingo said.

"Same." Emmet said.

Oki: If the subway train suddenly came to a grinding halt, I would believe the twins would have a little more of a response then just 'yea' and 'same'. If something was up with their train, they'd probably have a more panicked or immediate response to the train being screwed with.

Fang: You're asking for in-character responses to something they hold dear (trains) in a Suefic. That's hilarious, Oki.

Oki: I'm super hilarious, you don't even know!

[/i][/i]
Quote :
"What happened?" We all looked out the nearest window and saw that we haven't arrived at the next station.

"I wish I knew." Ingo replied, standing up on a bench to reach the emergency exit.



Oki: You know, these are the people who are running this subway and we have no rushed response, never mind checking on the other passengers on the train. You know, remember them? Those people? They're on the train too! They might have gotten hurt, you know!

Quote :
Once he got it opened, he climbed out the top, with Emmet following. They both pulled me up and out and we headed somewhere.

Oki: Why are they brining the civilian? Her Pokemon, all except her Pikachu, have been knocked out. Neither Ingo or Emmet would be willing to risk another's life if they could help it.

Fang: I'm more concerned as to why they're seemingly crawling out the top of the train. Trains have perfectly functioning doors on the side, like any normal vehicle to use.

Quote :
"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Either head back to the station, or find the power box." Emmet replied.

"I say power box." Ingo said.

"Well I'd prefer to go to the station." Emmet said.

"Well wouldn't you like to start the train again?"

"I'd rather see if everyone is safe."

"We can take the train there and check on them." Ingo argued.

"But then there would be no point in checking on them!" Emmet yelled.

"Well if there are any injuries, we can quickly get them to a pokemon center faster!!" Ingo yelled back.

Oki:

Oki: Dude, seriously, these two would be friggin' up to protocol on this kind of thing, dammit. There would be steps they would have to take if something like this happened. And yet, we have this author making them argue as if they don't know what's the right thing to do.

Come on! Use your head! This is common sense! Or to most people it would be!


Quote :
"Seriously!! You two calm down!!" I yelled stepping into the feud. "Why don't you two split up then, Emmet can head back to the station and check on everyone, and Ingo can check out the problem." The two looked at each other and nodded.

Oki: Why is Sonny-sue the one intervening? Why does every Mary-Sue have to play the 'voice of reason'? To put herself in the spotlight again for all of ten seconds? I hate it so much. I really do...

Fang: God damn it. God damn it, Oki! You found another Godmode Sue fic didn't you?! I had enough of that with Karla Smith!

*long suffering sigh* There's no reason for Sonny to be calling the shots here. She has no experience with how trains run while the Subway Bosses do. If nothing else one would have already headed for the power/fuse box and the other to check on the other trainers on the train. They wouldn't be bickering like the Three Stooges minus one about it.


Oki: What can I say? Seems I've a special talent for finding these kinds of fics! I seem to see a lot of these fics popping up though. That and the general ongoing, useless chaptered series that just go on and on.

Regardless, you are quite right. Ingo and Emmet would know the subway tunnels best and it would be their call, not hers.


Quote :
"Who are you going with?" Emmet asked.

"I guess I should go with Ingo, incase if something is down there."

Oki: Of course you'd go with Ingo! Better keep that guy on a leash, Fang!

Fang: This isn't Ingo, this is pod!Ingo. The difference between the two is that the real Ingo has a brain.

Quote :
We all took our own paths, Ingo and I walking through the cold, darkness of the tunnel. I went back to my original poofy ponytail, white tank top and black vest, with the same shorts and boots, and this wasn't the greatest time to wear it. I hugged my body, trying to stay warm.

Oki: Someone explain how she could 'go back' to her 'original appearance' (must less knowing fully that she's bummed Hilda's appearance alone). Like, did we have a transformation scene or what? I don't even know...

Fang: I didn't even know she changed anything via her appearance as it stood.

[/i][/color][/color][/i][/i]
Quote :
I felt something placed on my shoulders and warmth cover my arms. I looked and noticed Ingo placed his black jacket around me. "You seemed cold." He stated.

Oki: As much as I love Ingo and Emmet's coat, one has to think of how tall and lanky these two are. It's polite that he offered but my God, that coat would be dragging on the ground while they walked. It would be a hazard to her in the end!

Quote :
"I-I was. Thanks." I said, slightly blushing at the kind gesture.

Fang: Remember guys, the big conflict here is that Sonny's still not over N's departure, acting instead like it was him viciously dumping her or something. Just the first chapter she wasn't anywhere near being over him and thus she shouldn't be blushing and heart fluttering about either of the Subway Bosses. It only goes to show us that she's been clinging to N because she wanted attention and it was the easiest method to get it, to whine about how he had left her so "coldly." Now that she doesn't need it and is getting some male attention from Ingo and Emmet she's only paying lip service to her wangst about N.

Quote :
After what felt like forever, the awkward silence making me for and more tensed, we finally made it to the power box. Ingo opened it up and I held the light up so he could look inside, and the first thing we both noticed was that a few wires have been cut.

"We'll need to go back and tell Emmet, then fix the wires."

Oki: Why not fix the wires while they're there? Emmet's an adult. He can take care of himself.

Fang: If they really needed to tell Emmet immediately why not just send a Pokemon? It's been hinted at in canon that if one spends enough time with their Pokemon they can begin to understand them better than others. It would stand to reason that Emmet would be able to converse easily with Ingo's Pokemon.

Oki: Apparently, that's too hard to do. You'd figure, if there was some kind of potential threat there, either would more than likely take up on that idea, especially if there was an enemy hidden about to surprise them.

Quote :
I nodded to say that I understood and we began walking back (which would probably take forever).

Oki: You really like this complaining thing, don't you?

Quote :
After a few minutes, I could have sworn I heard footsteps that didn't belong to me or Ingo. I stopped and turned around to see if we were being followed, but I didn't see anyone.

"What are you doing? C'mon." Ingo said.

"You don't hear anything?"

"Nothing besides us."

"I could have sworn I heard footsteps."

Oki: Unless Ingo was not paying mind at all, which I doubt that would be the case, he would have heard something in the tunnels that would literally have every sound echoing around them. It's not that hard to miss footsteps in places like that.

Quote :
"No one is here except us, now hurry up." He said walking off again. I looked back again, and continued on walking, holding Ingo's jacket (which was way too big on me) closer to me.

After a long time of walking, the station came into view, but we heard the faint sound of yells and screams. Ingo began running, quickly grabbing a pokeball. I followed behind, grabbing Zoroark's pokeball, getting ready for a battle.

Oki: So what happened to all of her Pokemon being knocked out? I think she forgot...and I'm gonna assume that this is Team Plasma causing trouble again but I really have no idea what she's doing at this point now.

It's just getting stupider Fang. It's just getting really, really stupid.


Fang: I think she only used three of her Pokemon straight through so she's got half her team still useable. Of course that's only guesswork on my part considering everything was glossed over otherwise.

Oki: It's so hard to tell what she's doing or what she's going for. Well, no, we know exactly what she's going for. A poor excuse for a love triangle. But God, it's too hard to keep any real track of what she's doing, and it's only the first two chapters.

No doubt, she's going to play the big hero in later chapters, I'm sure.

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PostSubject: Re: Pokemon: Trainwreck |02| Spork   Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:02 am

Argh, this chapter made my brain hurt a bit...Dizzy 

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