MadHattersPassion Zer0
PokéPartner : Posts : 2677 Reputation : 300 Location : Animus
| Subject: Fang Rants: Why I Hate People - FF.net Version Mon Jan 21, 2013 10:40 pm | |
| So, it's no secret that late last night both Oki and I had received very pretentious, very rude reviews from a self-imposed 'beta reader' on our stories Age of Plasma and All We Are, both of them Pokemon fics. Now, while at the time we had both worried that we had been making a mountain out of a mole hill today's events have proven otherwise.
Now, you can find these reviews MSTed by our lovely Tyriant here, here, and here.
Now, while Oki and I felt that the reviews were nitpicky and much of what she commented about was unnecessary bull that she could have learned had a reason for being there by waiting for updates both Oki and I took the concrit with a grain of salt and went back to revamp our chapters. We had willingly admitted that there were flaws that could be fixed and fixed them.
Now, I went back, looked at some of this user's older works and reviewed them. The newest thing she had posted was for a series I had no knowledge about. So, I went to her Pokemon fics and left a few reviews - as dated as they were.
- Spoiler:
- Quote :
- [ I am stronger then normal for my level ] and [ Trained pokemon can battle much more then wild ones. ]
For these sentences you have actually used the wrong then/than. Since it is talking about a difference between something 'than' should have been used. 'Then' is used for a list of things such as when you said "They can battle until they faint then they're healed."
[ His pokemon are all 70! ]
This is both a little lazy and making use of a game mechanic. Game mechanics like Pokemon levels and the like should typically not be used in such a way that everyone can see on glance what it is. Maybe making use of a Pokedex reading a Pokemon's level would be more realistic. On top of that you should really write out the number instead of using "70" as it makes you seem lazy.
Shiny Pokemon are also not stronger than normal Pokemon. The only reason they are so coveted is due to their rarity not because of their strength.
Also I noticed that your writing lacks emotional gravity. It sounds kind of bland and boring and it was hard to get into even though it was so short. - Quote :
- Typically when one makes use of an author's note the author should make a mention that it is not part of the story. The fact that it is there and then the story immediately starts after with no indication that it has started can be a little jarring, confusing even and is a little amateurish.
[ The huge alakazam turned and glared at it's 'trainer', it's eyes filled with contempt and anger. ]
You used the wrong 'its'. It's is a contraction of 'it is' not the possessive form that you meant to use. I notice that you kept using the wrong its/it's as you went through the oneshot as well which shows to me that this is not just a typo.
[ [I will not obey you. You are a fool] ]
This is a rather strange way to go about showing someone's thoughts. Usually the method to this is by use of italics to put an emphasis on it but I suppose this is just a matter of personal preference.
[ "Oh alakazam, why won't you listen to me?" he whispered to himself. ]
Alakazam should be capitalized here as it is a proper noun, referring to the Pokemon itself and thus its name.
[ [Why should I obey you? You told me to use a powerful attack when a weak one was better. I know more of battling then you.] ]
As mentioned in a previous review on one of your other works, you have used the wrong then/than. Since it is not a series of actions but rather mentioning a difference it should have been written as "I know more of battling than you."
[ Being his strongest pokemon did not seem to make alakazam's trainer emotionally attached, apparently, not as far as Alakazam could tell. ]
This sentence is worded rather awkwardly. Because the word 'seem' is already used in conjunction to how the trainer felt about Alakazam then there is no need for the word 'apparently' within. It makes it jarring and hard to understand which causes the reader to be dragged out of the story and the mood you tried to set.
[ [You are not my master. I will not obey you.] it said firmly ]
You used a full stop here when you carried on after Alakazam's dialogue. This is grammatically incorrect. Instead it should be written as - using your odd way of Alakazam's dialogue - "[You are not my master. I will not obey you,] it said firmly." A common should be placed after 'obey you' instead of a period, you see.
[ "Grrr…I can't believe I wasted one of my good pokemon on one who won't even battle!" yelled the trainer, enraged. ]
I notice that you are telling us about how everyone is feeling instead of showing. This is a very amateurish and bland way of writing. Instead of TELLING the readers that the trainer is enraged show us. Is his face red in anger? Is he glaring? Did he raise his voice in anger? These thoughts of things ADD to the story and put forth a better mood for readers to get into.
[ It didn't take him long to track down the original trainer and demand to trade back. ]
This was rather jarring and again a rookie mistake. One should not just transition to another scene within a sentence. Detail as to how long it took, how they traveled, etc. etc. would add more to your oneshot and make it more interesting. It gives the characters within more personality rather than the cardboard cut outs of "Abusive Trainer" you seem to enjoy using.
Further more I was left rather confused. Why do you say the trainer demanded a trade back and then write out a battle? How did it come from demands for a trade to a battle right away? You need to build up to such things or you leave you readers confused. Your readers cannot peer into your mind and see what you envisioned and want unless you actually take the time to write it out and expand on the things you want to happen.
The ending sort of petered out as well. Where's the end result to the conflict throughout the oneshot? There is none.
Also, your ending rant is rather unnecessary. So you did not give Alakazam a gender, why complain about it? There have been plenty of oneshot works I have seen that also give no names to characters and are perfectly fine. Though I will say it is a little questioning as to why you do not give Alakazam a gender, why is that? A gender, more insight into his/her personality as you went would have made Alakazam so much more relate-able to the reader. Because you do not give Alakazam a personality outside of "angered Pokemon" it is almost impossible to relate to. - Quote :
- [ Asking for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness. ]
Why the doubled up sentence? It is jarring and takes readers out of the story wondering what the issue was here. I know what you were going for, for Absol to repeat it over and over but it has no further emphasis on it making it seem unintentional at first and thus makes readers go back and reread what they just saw in an attempt to comprehend which direction you are taking this in.
Next what exactly is "sol-lu"? It is not, exactly, a word that is commonly known. Something like that would be best to be explained rather than hand-waved away as "useless" to Pokemon. Just because Absol thinks that it is useless it does not mean the readers will as well. If a reader does not understand what "sol-lu" is in any capacity then the idea you are going for will be lost on them.
Also, again, there seems to be no end result to this conflict you introduce. It makes this all seem rather pretentious as Absol merely whines and babbles on meaninglessly about humans. While a commentary piece can be good and end in a way that leaves people thinking and brooding this came off as trying to be more than what it was. You repeat the same things time again as if you hope that by throwing the same phrases, worded a little differently each time, that they will stick with the audience. - Quote :
- Again, the use of an undesignated Author's Note is very amateurish and makes it very difficult to tell when the fic actually begins. The reasoning as to why you are writing this is unnecessary and not needed to read the oneshot in question.
[ One day Ash Ketchem (not ass or any other lame parody of him) was walking along with his two friends, Misty and Brock (again, no lame parodies). ]
The additions are not necessary and completely take the reader out of your story. Yes, we can plainly see that these are not meant to be parodies of Ash, Misty and Brock as you used their names directly. Your additions in parenthesis merely show to us that you think your reading audience is too stupid to grasp that fact without you swooping from on high to tell them.
Also you spelled Ash's last name incorrectly. It has a 'u' in it, not two 'e's.
[ (I don't know if pokeballs can even burn, but I'd rather he burn them then smash them open and brutally kill each pokemon inside) ]
Again, completely unnecessary. If you don't think that it can happen, however, then why write about it? This makes you seem as if you don't want to think of any other way to go about this, to flesh out this idea of yours.
Also, mentioning that Ash has a hemorrhage in his brain is nice and all but how did he receive it? Why is it messing with his motives? If you do not plan to expand on something then you do not include it. It becomes tedious and unnecessary.
And all of your "::shudders::" are not needed and pretentious. This is not creepy or interesting. It is very bland and ninety percent of it is just you rambling about pointless, tedious bullshit. - Quote :
- You attempt here is rather heavy-handed. You repeat again and again the same thing just worded differently. This does not make a good commentary about a Pokemon with blades for 'hands.' It makes for a bland oneshot and has no real emotional weight to it. Readers can't possibly relate to Scyther in this way because you give the Scyther narrating it no personality.
- Quote :
- [ I don't own pokemon. Please remember it this time, because I don't like to repeat myself. ]
This is ironic because I notice in many of your reflective oneshots about Pokemon all you do is repeat the same concept or phrase in differing words.
And again, like all your other oneshots I have read thus far there is no emotion behind what you write. It is all 'factual', all tell and no show. Without the show you can never make a great piece of work. Instead of merely writing what you envision describe it. Tell us how the Pokemon feel by how their body reacts to the emotions.
Now, it was after I sent these reviews that the person in question began to PM me. I will post the conversation in whole for all to see - my responses included. I am The Mad Hatter Effect. The other user's name will be left blank for politeness.
- Quote :
- Dates, friend
----: Not that it isn't interesting to hear about the older stuff, but you realize you're commenting on stuff that's a decade old? Surely there's something I'm doing wrong currently.
Th Mad Hatter Effect: And yet they are still posted and chalk-full of mistakes. It does not matter if it is decades old it is still posted and open for reviews. If you had learned anything you would go back and touch them up, flesh them out as I have done to Age of Plasma after much of your useless nitpicking that had nothing to do with the overarching story.
Reading some of your newest works you still suffer from the same things as well; no emotional weight behind anything you write, bland dialogue, and no showing and all telling about what's going on. Your characters are all bland with no inner personality that sets them apart. You tend to have an issue with weak plots as well that need to be fleshed out.
Without diving further into your newer fanfics I cannot dive further into any other glaring flaws you may have though judging by some of the snippets I have seen you haven't learned much at all.
----: You're not very good at this. If you could correct the newer stuff, you wouldn't have needed to go halfway down the page of my long list of stories first. Really, this is the lame gambit everyone tries. Tear my current stuff apart and I might actually care.
The Mad Hatter Effect: Funny. You actively go about tearing into other people's works for the slightest of mistakes but the instant it happens to you you go on about how it's ridiculous.
Here I am, spending my time to correct your god awful old works that you clearly do not care about. If you cared about anything you did you'd go back and clean up your mistakes. Silly me for thinking you were rational.
----: You may want to compare message lengths before saying I'm going on about it.
[that you clearly do not care about.]
Exactly! I said as much in the FAQ, and I think it's on my profile as well. Glad we're finally on the same page. New stuff criticism = oh no I screwed up :( Old stuff criticism = oh wow, I've improved so much since then, go me! You can see the problem with your current attempts now, I hope.
The Mad Hatter Effect: Actually, no you have not improved as seen by our 'Outside the Box Failures.' I don't think you get that. I suggest you get down off of your high horse and learn how to characterize. Learn to put EMOTION into what you write. SHOW what is happening do not TELL the reading audience. Give characters personality instead of making them bland card board cut outs.
Really, you're writing has no style, nothing that makes it 'pop' and thus makes it memorable. Your spelling and grammar are the ONLY things you have improved on. Other than that? You are a hack who thinks that she is the most acclaimed fanfiction writer ever. You can say what you wish, that you got better over the years but what I've seen? Your works are bland and dry and are thus easily overlooked.
----: Then go review the newer stuff if it actually sucks, instead of scrolling waaaay down to the old stuff. Not hard. Seriously, if you think I screwed that one up, go review it and tear it to bits. Otherwise, it's the same barking without bite everyone tries.
The Mad Hatter Effect: And I have, even though your newest one is not a fandom that I am familiar with. Ever wonder WHY the people are scrolling down to that stuff? We're not looking at dates, we're looking for fandoms we're familiar with. Do learn to have some manners and to maybe present yourself in a less 'butthurt' way. You're really making it obvious that this bothers you each and every time you PM me back about it. Ta~.
----: Yeah, 'twas noticeable with the vagueness and the missing of meaning. Was hoping you'd try bullshitting for a bit. Anyway.
Advise for Daughters is fine to read without canon and also confusing, so that'd have been a better target for ire. The Left Behind stuff is completely standalone. The drabble, for probably obvious reasons, does require you know the characters to work. But failing that, I do have more recent pokemon fanfic than what you reviewed. You still went waaaay down.
Actually, I will admit a bit of curiosity why some people do that. I mean, Inheritors is right there and clearly it's not hard to complain about, so why did you skip over that?
The Mad Hatter Effect: I've wasted enough of my time on your tedium, you see? Why should I continue to review your works if you don't even go back to fix your oldest works to stop receiving such reviews? Why should I continue to review your works when all you want to do is argue about semantics and dates? If it's posted, it's open for criticism. Age does not matter as you always have the option of updating the chapters/story with a new document.
----: Dunno why you were wasting your time reviewing those in the first place besides an attempt at grandstanding, so can't tell you why you'd continue. But certainly if your goal is to upset me you'll have to stick to the newer stuff, and if your goal is to prove I can't take criticism you'll have to tell me I'm doing stuff wrong until I throw a tantrum about NO U!
The Mad Hatter Effect: I did tell you what you were doing wrong but you are so obviously high on your horse you are blinded. Ta~.
----:Looks like it. Ah well, talk to you again when I answer PMs tomorrow! On top of that, I had sent the following review, as she had requested, to her very newest drabble.
- Spoiler:
- Quote :
- Is this a joke? I get that drabbles are roughly one hundred or less words but there is nothing here that makes this drabble at ALL memorable.
You tell and don't show. You expect something like this to be sad or dramatic? There's no emotional gravity! I don't care about what happens to the characters because you've not given me anything to care about relating to them. Yes, they are already established characters but that does not mean you cannot skip over the process of getting the audience to relate and care about them in what you write.
"Everyone else dies."
This is not at all dramatic or tragic. Because, as said previously, I care nothing for these characters you have chosen to write for due to your lack in ability to flesh them out before the tragedy happens. In order for tragedy to be just that there must be something to CARE about.
Frankly you have no original writing style. It is bland and nothing is notable about it as I have told you earlier. Your overall storytelling skills are weak because you have nothing that draws the reader in and captivates them in anyway. All it is is this happened then that happened. It's a laundry list not a story.
To which this user sent me another PM and continued to argue with me there.
- Quote :
- Thanks!
----: [I get that drabbles are roughly one hundred or less words]
Actually a drabble's something that's exactly a hundred. Polar opposite of "roughly" anything, in fact.
How would you suggest I improve on the telling and showing business? What would be a better way to flesh out their motivations? Since Homura's the focus, I guess I'll ask about her specifically if you don't want to go into all the characters.
The Mad Hatter Effect: Oh, but dearie! You're being so hypocritical again. You say I cannot PM you back about reviews you leave ME (or anyone else for that matter) so why should I allow you to PM me about reviews I left? Practice what you preach, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, that sort of thing.
----: [You say I cannot PM you back about reviews you leave ME]
I what the where now? PM's are on. Clearly, since you're PMing me.
The Mad Hatter Effect: Oh, no, no~. See? I sent you a PM last night regarding ALL of your nitpicky reviews on Age of Plasma, dearie. You didn't respond. At all. If you don't extend me that common courtesy why should I extend it back to you?
----: Well yeah. I respond to those in batches because otherwise I'd miss people. I wouldn't have PMed at all but you were on a reviewing spree on the wrong side of the give-a-** line and I was hoping you might move. If you decided to not reply until I responded to your review PM or not at all, that'd be fine too.
The Mad Hatter Effect: Yes, right. And yet you actively ignore concrit that everyone gives to you. I've glanced at some of the other reviews you've received on your multi-chapter stories and they all say the same things I have. Either you are truly ignorant to your own flaws or you just pretend as if you care and dismiss what people say.
Now kindly go bother someone else - perhaps clean up your older works. Take pride on one's work and all, even if they are old.
P.S. "give-a-**"? Either cuss or don't. This kind of childish makes it hard to take you seriously, at all. Just like with your complaining of correct usage of semi-colons.
----: Either I take it or, like this review sadly is shaping up to be, there isn't anything useful because the person's only saying it because they're mad. Case in point...
[perhaps clean up your older works.]
My newer stuff sucks too, right? Why not tell me to clear that stuff up?
And you're the one with your swear filter on. I didn't type those asterisks.
The Mad Hatter Effect: The difference between your newer and older works? Grammar and spelling. That is literally the only difference. You want to improve? WORK at it. Do your research, read actual books and see how published authors write. I can talk until I turn blue in the face but that doesn't mean you'll actually take it and learn from it so why try? I left my reviews and that's all I'm obligated to do anything else is just superfluous considering you seem just as eager to argue and make a case of how great and mighty you seem to think you're work is even while blaspheming those who come to review your works after your nitpick-y ones.
----: Oops, this to. Well, answering a direct question when I asked how to make the character work better would probably have been more productive than repeatedly telling me you aren't going to. Now, for one - and Oki can tell you more - England started the drabbles and they are all sorts of different set rules fro them. They are for contests, where writers must limit themselves to one hundred, five hundred, etc. etc. It is not solely one hundred anymore now that they have grown in popularity, if she had done any research this could have been learned on her own.
Secondly, not only has she legitimately admitted she will not listen to any constructive criticism she receives - even though she doles them out like candy herself - she is not at all a decent writer, she has no memorable style and yet calls people out for things the way that they write - such as various phrases that make things more poetic, etc. etc. - but she also holds up grammar and spelling at their height. While important neither of these things are what make a legitimately great story.
She does not wish to improve, she only wants to hold her own work up as the greatest things ever and berate the people who do not write things out as she wants them to be. When she is called out on her flaws she may ask what she needs to do properly however, she could have asked any number of other reviewers who curiously came to see how well she wrote after dolling out rude reviews to them. Because they are people she has targeted before she pushes the reviews away under the guise of "You're all just trying to make me mad! Teehee~" which is incorrect.
I could continue but I feel that the messages above speak for themselves at this point. | |
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Tyriant Moderator
DigiPartner : PokéPartner : Posts : 358 Reputation : 35 Location : Land of Clocks and Twilight
| Subject: Re: Fang Rants: Why I Hate People - FF.net Version Mon Jan 21, 2013 11:08 pm | |
| This chick is pretty much the reason why I don't bother with most fanfiction sites on the web. These types of people think they're high and mighty, using poetic diction and giving people (halfassed) reviews on the story, but not bothering to take their own advice, much less listen to anyone else's advice.
And thanks for mentioning my review of her reviews. I hope they helped. | |
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