вerry revιew'ѕ: Conner Kenway & Charles Lee's Daughter
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BerryCat Claptrap
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Subject: вerry revιew'ѕ: Conner Kenway & Charles Lee's Daughter Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:27 am
Title: Connor Kenway Charles Lee’s Daughter 1
Author: Hananiwa
Fandom: Assassin’s Creed
Chapters: 1/1
Since the fanfic is all one giant block of text, I tried my best to break it up. Anyways, I saved this in case I wanted to try at sporking/reviewing and well… I decided to finally spork/review it (and I kind of forgot all about this to be honest). I did review this and posted it on here for a few seconds on my other account before I took it down, feeling like I rushed the review. I'm still nervous that I forgot something or messed up?
BEFORE READING FURTHER, PLEASE NOTE:This will be a harsh review (and future reviews) full of ranting, raging, swearing, and sarcasm. I'm in no way saying I'm better than the author or anything along those lines. The gifs and images used for reactions are not mine and belong to their rightful creators.
Now that that's out of the way, onward to my first review~!
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~Name: Rosa Lynn (Lee) ~Age: 23 ~Job: Assassin and spy ~Parents: Lillian and Charles Lee ~Looks: Dark long wavey strawberry blonde hair with layered bangs, aqua greenish blue eyes, pale light skin, adverage heigth and with a hourglass shape.
Ehhh she should tie her hair up or cut it since she’s an assassin. Her hair will get in her face when fighting and running. And when a fanfic starts off with a brief profile on the OC, you just know (it’s kind of a pet peeve of mine. You shouldn’t add a quicky profile on the OC in the story. You’re supposed to show us this character through your writing in the story! This just turns me away from wanting to read further).
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~Rosa Lynn Lee.... A name I hated for years. The name Lee had stain my heart with hate for my father, Charles Lee.... Living for years knowing that man had killed my mother thinking she is a backstabbing spy and which she was because she was an Assassin before my father took her after him and Haytham destroy what could had been my home, The Dark Brotherhood.
Well… that was a mouth full as well as a huge slap in the face of information.
The Dark Brotherhood? If I remember correctly from visiting her profile, Hananiwa became a huge Assassin’s Creed fan as well as a Skyrim fan (she stated that in her “About Me” section). So I guess her character in her Skyrim game was part of the Dark Brotherhood and since they’re assassins and this is a Assassin’s Creed fanfic… well I’m sure you can piece it together.
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I knew my mother was an Assassin cause she hid a diary in my room and I read that I was meant to do good and choose my path for the best of man kind and which I honor.I trained under Haytham not telling them I knew my lineage so I can follow my mothers footsteps and in hopes to rebuild the dark brotherhood myself. Years came and go and becoming an Assassin. One thing popped into the pictures when I turn 12.... A boy, a native boy came and made a eye opener to the Templars and I saw him with my own eyes that he killed a man on the roof in Boston.
Oh man, when will this fanfic finally start? I mean, I don’t really care for all of this, sorry. The author could have added all of this backstory when it was necessary, not dumping it all on the table. Why not add all of this history to the profile that started this? Wait... is this part of the profile? It has the “~” thing, the same thing she used for her profile?
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Days later I met a man by the name of Samual Adams which I call him Sam. He asked me to be a contact within the Templar walls and I agree to the job and in turn he will tell me the truth about whats happen behind the Dark Brotherhood.
How will Samual Adams know? And doesn’t the OC already know what happened to the Dark Brotherhood? She just stated what happened in the beginning! Haytham destroyed it! What else is there to know? How he did it and why?
…
Actually, I would like to know how and why he destroyed it as well. Pardon me, please continue...
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I got the name Connor a apprentice to Achilles Davenport a old mentor to the previous Brotherhood.Years of giving and rechiving information I had gotten my trainning to the max. Haytham wanted to make me a Templar for my quick thinking and smarts and I had to turn him down saying I rather be a plain assassin period.
What are commas and spelling?
I um… I’m sure Haytham wouldn’t be chill with the OC turning his offer down; I don’t think she’ll be alive once she utters her decline. I mean, the man taught this girl, so I don’t think he would let her live when she has some knowledge of the Templars. In fact, I don’t think Haytham would have trained her in the first place without confirming if she really wanted to be a Templar! And why is Haytham training her and not Charles? I know she hates him, but he’s her father!
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Connor had yet made more and more fuss in the Templars circle and one by one each had disappeared.
"Rosa, can you do me a important favor?" Haytham asked as he walked up to me while I sat at my desk writing.
"Yes Mr Kenway?"
"Is about my son...." He said a bit bothered.
"Hmm, what about him?"
"He is getting to be troublesome. We want you to.... Do your female ways with him."
I snorted so loud at that. “.... Do your female ways with him”. I don’t think Haytham needs Rosa to seduce his son, Haytham doesn’t need her anyways. WAIT WHY IS THE OC ASSOCIATING WITH THE TEMPLARS STILL? Didn’t she turn down joining them? Wouldn’t she be banished or something because Charles Lee would be embarrassed or infuriated that his daughter didn’t join?
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I couldnt help but crack a smile and laughed and look up at him. "You telling me to waste my pure innocent self to a guy I had not yet met yet?"
I don’t really think you’re an innocent person when you’re an assassin. I mean, you kill people… Also, the man didn’t ask for the OC to jump in bed with Connor. There are other ways to seduce a man than jumping his bones.
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"It might get him to get his mind off of us so we have time to rethink our plans....Maybe to get him on our side."
"Forget it!" I said turning back to the reports. "Your his father. Id your fault he turn out against you not me."
I know Connor is a man, but come on. I don’t think a woman is going to take his mind off revenge at the moment.
"I mentor you...."
"AS an Assassin. Not a human bait or suducer." I said correcting him and he nod.
Spell check, please.
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“Your right. I just thought.... It be nice to see you and my son together.I dont think it be real seeing he hates Lee."
Um… why is Haytham playing matchmaker?
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'He isnt the only one....' I thought while putting down my quirll and stood up. "You know as better then I that is it either you and my father or Connor be left standing." I said and walked pass him and he understood that....He wanted his son on his side and want me to lure him sicne I'm a girl with a rare hair color you barely see around in America.
My gosh, please use spell check. PLEASE. Oh? A rare hair color? I won’t touch too much on that.
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I know Connor is fixed on killing Charles and I support him on it but I hate to see Haytham die though. He can be such a good man at times.....
Good man at times? Didn’t the OC state that Haytham took away her only home, the Dark Brotherhood? I don’t know, that doesn’t really equal “good man” in my opinion.
Quote :
~That day had come. The day my father dies.... Worse yet Haytham also died and it hurt me but it must be done.... I couldnt stay in the Templar headquarters no more since it be invaded soon and I packed up and put a hooded cape on and escaped.
WHY IS SHE STILL IN THE TEMPLAR ORDER WHEN SHE WASN’T A PART OF THEM?
AND HOLD ON A MOMENT...does “~” mean that it’s a timeskip or something? I thought that was part of the profile thing? You should use something else to prevent the confusion. Something like “***” centered or something? It’ll be more easier for the readers to know if it’s a timeskip. What happened to Hananiwa putting “**Story Starts**” in the beginning of (most) her fanfics? My gosh, that would have helped me out!
Quote :
Sam said I can stay with him and his wife for a while till I can straighten my life out.
Why would Samuel Adams allow this? Wouldn’t he be putting his family in danger?
“Straighten out my life”? What is this? Some teenage focused TV drama? I guess the OC didn’t think this far ahead in her life, only focused on her hatred for Charles.
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~"Miss Lynn, please settle down. He just wants to meet the person who help spy on the Templars. Nothing more." Sam said as I walked back and foreward with my hodded cape on thinking Connor might kill me if he knew I'm Charles Lee's daughter.
"How exactly can I calm? I have my fathers eyes and if Connor see them he might kill me...."
“How exactly can I calm?”. I laughed at that!
And he can judge you if you have blue eyes? Then he’ll be killing a good lot of people who have blue eyes.
By the way, PLEASE USE SPELL CHECK. I don’t think I said it enough.
Quote :
"Dont be over thinking. He wont."
"That's what you say. I might be killed after he knows I'm Lee's daughter." I said sitting down looking down.The door open and closed and a deep voice sounded.
"Samual Adams?"
"Connor! Good to see you all in good shape." Sam said greeting him.
"Who is this 'spy' that I do not know of?" He asked and Sam lift his hand up at me showing him the way to me.
"Meet Rosa Lynn. Her mother was once an Assassin the the order."
"I see." Connor walked up to me and remove my hood and my eyes widen. "Why you not look up at me?"
Why do Connor speak like dis?
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I look away in another direction. "I'm shy...."
"Miss Rosa....." Sam started but been interupted someone walking in.
"Mr Adams! There's a ship came in with allot of men with cross shape symbols on them."
What is this Engirlish you speak?
The writer really needs to have someone proof read what she writes because in some places, the characters sound like four year olds talking!
Quote :
"What?" I stood up putting on my hood and knowing that the fleet that Haytham's new partner said he be coming but doesnt know when. "Is it Jasper Aswell?" I asked.
"No idea ma'am. I believe you should look into this."
I nod. "Im on it!"
Hold on, why didn’t she tell anyone this? Samuel Adams wanted her to stay within the Templar order (even though there is no way she could since she denied Haytham’s offer) to be a contact. Why didn’t she tell them this information? It would have helped them to be prepared for this “Asswell” fellow, but I guess the OC was too worried about her looks and what Connor would think, it must have slipped her mind.
Quote :
I ran out and notice Connor is behind me. I turn to him confused. "Your following me?"
"I have a right to look into this as much as you." He replied and I sighed.
He does because he’s part of the Assassin’s and the OC isn’t. Soooooooo why is she looking into this when she’s just used for information on the Templars? Plus, she’s kind of out of a job since Connor killed off Haytham and his goons. I mean, she can get other jobs that involve information gathering, but I wouldn’t trust her when SHE KEEPS HELPFUL INFORMATION TO HERSELF.
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"Okay. But dont make a scene." I said and ran off to tehe Boston docks.
?? Why would Connor make a scene? I bet the OC makes a scene though.
“Tehe Boston docks”
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~We got to the docks and we hid behind a crate and peep from behind. I scanned the area and saw allot of Templars standing around. "Like always. They dont mind making a appearance."
"What are they doing here?" Connor asked and we sat behind the crate.
"A few months ago. Haytham send in a letter to the British HQ that his partners are slowly dying. And they replied saying they'll sending a man name Jasper Aswell. A powerful man with a fist stronger then any steel out there." I look back over the crate again seeing more fleets. "And he brought more then we can handle at once. And which ship he is on I dont know...."
WHY DIDN’T SHE TELL ANYONE THIS EARLIER?! Even if she didn’t know what ship the guy was on, this information would have been wonderful to fucking have!
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"What should we do?"
"For now. Taking tham down while there lesser number. You dont want a hundred blades or bullets in you. Do you Connor?" I said smirking at him and he shook his head.
Didn’t she say that there were “allot” of templars in the area? Shouldn’t they, oh I don’t know, REPORT BACK to SOMEONE ABOUT THE INFORMATION ROSA NEGLECTED TO TELL AND TO WHAT THEY’RE SEEINg AT THE MOMENT?
And why is Connor asking her about what they should do? And not cool that she acted like a bitch with “oh, you don’t want that now, hmmm?”
Quote :
"Hmm, for now let them settle. then we make our move....."
"Hey! You!" We heard someone from behind us and we both turn seeing 5 templar soldiors.
"Crap...." I said and I took out my blade and Connor took out his gun.
We rushed at them and took down 2 easily. One grabbed my cape to yank me but it torn off of me.
Also, why would Connor take out a gun? The blast will just draw even more attention.
Quote :
I gasped as it made my face visible and I turn and sliced off that soldiors head. Connor killed the other 2 at once and turn to me while I picked up my caped seeing it isnt worth wearing no more.
"Rosa?"
"Hmm?" I replied not looking up at him.
"Look up at me."
What is up with Connor and his obsession for having the OC look at him?
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I knew, now he knows me he had to be curious about who I really am and I dont feel like hidding forever. I hope he understands but I got to tell him...
"First... I must say something..."
"What is it?"
"When I was 4. Charles Lee killed my mother....."
Quote :
"So he did mine. Reason I killed him."
Ehhhhh didn’t Haytham say that it wasn’t Charles or the Templars but Washington’s forces who started that fire? Then there was this whole horse race to kill off the soldiers that were heading on over to his village? And this scene in the fanfic is taking after the death of Charles and Haytham, so Connor should already know this, that Charles didn’t start that fire.
Fuck, I’ll just put the scene where it’s revealed to make things easier. However, do tell me if I'm wrong or something.
Quote :
"I know. But noahter thing is...." I said and turn to him and he saw my eyes.
"Are you....."
"Lee's daughter? Yes.... Daughter of a monster and a Assassin."
Connor glared at me and not remembering what I had done for him over the years.... Also him looking in my eyes.... Only see is Charles....
What? The OC did something to Connor? Oh shit, I don’t like that. And I don’t think that looking at someone’s eyes you’ll see the resemblance? Maybe if you had Rosa and Charles next to each other, you could see it. But since Charles is dead… or maybe a portrait of the dude. I don’t know, just my opinion.
Quote :
"Connor?" He pusshed me against a wall and held his hiddenblade up to my neck and I gasped in fear. I closed my eyes tightly. "Connor......"
He groweled as he tossed me to the ground and walked off and I panted sitting up.It hurts. Seeing the pain in his eyes. I cant see how my father would hurt a such man as Connor. I know he hates me and I know he never see me no other then Charles daughter and nothing more.
I don’t think Connor would hate the OC for being Charles daughter. I mean, he might be a little mad and possibly not trust you as easily, but he wouldn’t be like this: pushing the character against the wall with hidden blade at her throat, and growling like an animal. She had nothing to do with any of that ish and she’s not even a part of the Templar order! So, he’ll be more cautious around her. I don’t know, just my two cents. But that sentence about Connor not remembering what the OC did to him kind of has me treading cautiously.
Well this was only one chapter and I guess we'll never know what happens next.
Last edited by BerryCat on Tue Jul 21, 2015 7:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
Disclaimer: I have never read any Assassin's Creed fanfic. I have only watched friends play the PC and XBox versions of the game (I think it was the 1st and 3rd games I've seen, respectively). Sorry I'm not sure. *Ahem*
Hello, very nice rant/review here. Loved it because it made my day - been laughing so hard I thought I had to say something (because I'm still figuring out this site so...yeah....o.o) *hem hem* xD
When I saw the Maleficent gif, I kept reading expecting to see this or something like it ^^ teehee :3 just my silly mind...
Disclaimer: I have never read any Assassin's Creed fanfic. I have only watched friends play the PC and XBox versions of the game (I think it was the 1st and 3rd games I've seen, respectively). Sorry I'm not sure. *Ahem*
Hello, very nice rant/review here. Loved it because it made my day - been laughing so hard I thought I had to say something (because I'm still figuring out this site so...yeah....o.o) *hem hem* xD
When I saw the Maleficent gif, I kept reading expecting to see this or something like it ^^ teehee :3 just my silly mind...
Aww thank you for your kind words! I'm glad this rant review made your day as well as comment on it, so thank you again. Cx
ah snap! I wish I used that lol xDD
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Subject: Re: вerry revιew'ѕ: Conner Kenway & Charles Lee's Daughter
вerry revιew'ѕ: Conner Kenway & Charles Lee's Daughter
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Subject: вerry revιew'ѕ: Conner Kenway & Charles Lee's Daughter 
