Illegal Operations: Project K Sporking/Review [04]

~Project K~ {Leon S. Kennedy} Pt.4 Meet Luis Sera

I thoroughly enjoy how the chapter titles tell me the only important aspect of the chapter. It's like it's telling me I shouldn't pay attention to everything else!

“This is your fault Kennedy!” you screamed at him while running as he took a quick glance at you and turned back scowling.

“My fault?! Blame the people not me!” he shouted back jumping over a couple of rocks.

Why were you two running? Well after going through the gate and walking down a trail some of the villagers let a boulder go rolling down behind the two of you threatening to crush you two.

You know, in the hands of a good writer a scene we've already seen in-game could become a truly well-written one. You could describe the feel of the climate, the surrounding area, the feelings the characters are going through....

And all of that is pissed away in the hands of gabby15center. Instead everthing is completely glossed over because she assumes that everyone remembers the game to the letter and can recall it at the slightest of details given. This is not how story-telling works!

You took a quick glance back and noticed it rolling closer, “We’re gonna die! And worse I’m gonna die with you!”

“It looks like you’re the only one complaining about that!” Truly because the rest of us would rejoice Karla-Sue's death. Leon would be a sad casualty in the mix. We mourn thee deeply, Mr. Kennedy! he remarks as you whipped your head towards him, but before you could get any words out he suddenly tackled you out of the boulders way as you two rolled onto the side of the trial just as the boulder smashed into a tunnel.

Once again - this is the Sergeant Major BEING SAVED BY SOMEONE ELSE. I really shouldn't be so latched onto this, considering we already know Karla is a Mary-Sue self-insert but STILL! It's the principle of the matter!

Realizing you had shut your eyes you opened them up to see Leon’s face inches away from yours, you also didn’t notice the blush threatening to reveal itself on your face.


You just really love rolling out the cliches, don't you, gabby15center?

“You…saved me.” You breathed out. An unfortunate event, really, see Leon had meant to dive out of the way to save himself only. You just got caught up and tangled up in the lunge to safety.

He smirked never moving, “It would be a shame not to save a girl like you.”

Now you were blushing as he got up off from you while extending a gloved hand reluctantly you took it as he helped you to your feet. Looking to his side he motioned for you to follow as he led the way through the tunnel.

Pinkie Pie says it perfectly;


“I don’t think we’re gonna make it out of here alive.” You say suddenly as Leon stops and turns to look at you.

“Why do you say that?”

You meet his questioning gaze as you sigh, “Never mind.” You say walking past him but he has other ideas when suddenly he jogs in front of you and blocks your way.

NO! Fuck you! You can't just say "[We're both] going to die [out] here" and then walk away without explaining! You don't do that!

Startled at first you look up at him as you tried moving to the side only to have him block you way. Feeling defeated you sighed in frustration, “Move aside.” You simply state.

“Not until you answer my question.” He pesters.

You narrow your eyes at him as he does the same, “I don’t have to answer to you Kennedy.” You say coldly but then his hands firmly grip your upper arms giving them a squeeze.

“Listen we’re partners here and if we are, we’re gonna have to communicate here. So tell me what’s bugging you.” He says softly.

You look at him and nod, “I have a bad feeling something is gonna go down and I’m afraid that we won’t be able to stop it.” You say truthfully as he smiles.

Oh, look! Another Mary-Sue cliche! Being able to have Amazing-Super-Speshul hunches about what's to come! Yay~! ... Kill me now.

“I understand but we just have to think positive on this, we’ll find Ashley and when we do we’ll never come back here.” His smile grows wider, “Say how about after this mission you give me your number and I’ll take you out.” he says totally ruining the moment…or on your case making it better.

You give a playful pout and he lets go of your arms, “You think your so suave how about we focus on Ashley first.”

Actually, Leon is a bit more tactful than that - not by much but dear god, spare the man some dignity! He peppers in some flirtatious comments to Hunnigan throughout the game but he knows when to be serious - in fact his biggest flirt-moment comes at the very end of the game when all is said and done when he tells Hunnigan "you look cute without the glasses". And yet Mary-Suethors always take that flirtatious aspect and twist Leon around into this giant flirt who picks any and every moment he can to drop a line when that's not the case. He does so when it's not necessary to be completely serious about the situation at hand.

He shrugs while continuing to walk ahead, “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

You roll your eyes while smirking in victory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

¡“Esta de Alli!” screamed a villager as the two of you see him running into an old shack right outside the tunnel.

“Oh great…” you mumbled while pulling off a grenade of your belt while using your teeth to take the pin out. “Get down.” You tell Leon as you threw it into the house, five seconds later the explosion is heard as the Ganados’ are dead.

I sense a case of 'trying too hard' again. Just because you pull the pin out with your teeh does not a bad ass make.

“Good plan.” He complements as you smile at him while the two of you continue your way to an old looking house.

“OW!!!!!” you shout while holding your leg in pain, Leon quickly comes over to you as he realizes you stepped into a bear trap.

"OW"? That's it? Bear traps are strong. That thing can maul your leg to pieces and I doubt anyone who stepped in one would remain standing. They'd probably be howling in pain as the teeth dig into the leg and yet all Karla yells is a simple "ow"?


Since the grass was so tall you hadn’t noticed the bear trap which was a great way to catch a prey. No, you don't say? Leon kneeled down beside the bear trap as he pulled the trap’s teeth apart as you quickly lifted your leg out of it, the wound was around your ankle which meant you wouldn’t be using it for quite awhile. Gripping your ankle tightly trying to stop the blood flow Leon moves your hands aside as he reaches into his side pocket and retrieves a can of first aid spray and gauze.

“This might sting but it’ll work.” You nodded while biting your lip as he untied the laces and slid the boot off while rolling up your pant leg.

Ten bucks says this wound isn't going to really hinder Karla-Sue at all. Any takers?

The wound was deep and if it would’ve hit any closer it would’ve probably pierce through the bone. He sprayed the stuff on as you flinched from the pain after that he began to wrap your ankle in gauze as he then rolled the pant leg down and loosely tied the boot so it wouldn’t hurt as much.

“You okay now?” he asks as you nod while he supported you as you stood up with him.

“Yeah it just hurts like a bitch though.”

It's too much to ask for a realistic reaction, isn't it? *sigh* Any normal person would be writhing in pain and probably in tears if not near tears. Yet Karla-Sue here is perfectly capable of shrugging it off like she just twisted her ankle or something.

He laughs as he then slides his right arm around your waist and puts your left arm around his neck as the two of you walk up the steps and enter the house. Walking through you quickly grab your gun and shoot the explosive as you make your way through.

“Leon, do you hear that?” he gives you a questioning look but soon his expression changes as he two hears a pounding sound.

“Where is it coming from?” he asks while sitting you in a chair as the two of you had entered what looked to be a living room. He follows the sound as he pushes a dresser out of the way which revealed a secret room The way this is worded I'm flashing back to The Woman in the Wall book. Infinintely a better story than this, I tell you what. getting up to follow him you limp a little as you and Leon went in and saw at the far end a closet where the noise was coming from.

Leon moves to the side of it a you point your gun at it, you nod at Leon as he does too while opening the closet…

(AHHHH!!!! It’s the boogeyman!!)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out drops a man who has dark shoulder length wavy hair who had his wrists tied behind his back and tape over his mouth. Check it out, Luis found Narnia! Apparntly Mr. Tumnus didn't much like him! He was wearing a white dress shirt with a brown designed vest over it, and light brown pants as well. He shakes his head at you to indicating that he doesn’t want you to shoot him, you sigh while putting your gun away as Leon rips the tape off of his mouth.

“Ah, as little rough don’t you think?” the man asks with a thick Spanish accent lingering in his voice. Leon rolls the guy onto his stomach as he begins to undo the ropes. “You two aren’t like them?” he then asks.

“No, you?” Leon asks him while pulling the ropes off as the guy sits up rubbing his wrists.

“Okay I just have one important question for you both: got a smoke?”

“Got gum.” Leon answers as the guy looks over at you as you shake your head.

A smile appears on the guys’ face as he begins to check you out, you noticing what he’s doing you begin to look at him funny. “Got a problem?”

“No just admiring God’s wonderful creation.” He answers as you roll your eyes.

Normally this would piss me off but... Luis does come across as a bit of a philanderer, flirting with Ashley and - on the PS2's Ada side stories - even Ada at one point. It actually is very in-character.

Suddenly two Ganados appear behind you as you turn around slowly since your right ankle is still bad, just then an even bigger man comes through the doorway and glares at all of you.

“Oh great the Big Cheese.” The guy behind you mutters.

“What?” you ask him but before you can demand an answer the ‘Big Cheese’ grabs you by your throat as he lifts you off the floor while you pound on his arm, struggling to breathe.

“Karla!” Leon shouts while running up to the guy and does a round house kick but before it can have an impact the big cheese uses his left hand to grab Leon’s foot and throws him into the Spaniard as they both fly back into the closet breaking it on impact.

“Le…on.” You breathe out before falling under unconsciousness as the Big Cheese throws you over his shoulder while the Ganados grab both men and exit the house.

Of fucking COURSE Mendez would just take Karla himself! Never mind the fact that in Ada's side story you see two village-Ganado hoisting Leon and Luis away. Karla's so fucking special Mendez of all people does the honors himself!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Feeble humans let us give you our power…” says a cloaked man as two of his minions sticks a syringe into the back of Leon’s neck as the other does the same to yours’. “Soon you’ll become unable to resist, this intoxicating power.” He says in a sadistic tone as the eggs inside the syringes are released into yours’ and Leon’s bloodstream.

You know, this is in second person point of view, meaning there should be a lot more emotion written into this. As it is it's all factual. There's little emotion described as to what the reader as the character should be feeling. There's no bodily reactions (heart rate, stomach flopping, eyes widening, etc.) to anything for instance which is used to establish what the reader should feel as well. It's all dry and boring to read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“45 bottles of beer on the wall, 45 bottles of beer you take one down pass it around, 44 bottles of beer on the wall.” You sang to yourself as you notice Leon gasp finally waking up.

You stop singing as he intakes his surroundings noticing that he was in some sort of a shack as finally turns his head to you, “How long have you been awake for?” he asks you as you ponder on it.

“I think for about an hour now.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You looked so adorable I didn’t want to wake you.”

A smirk appears on his face as you turn your head to face him with an eyebrow raised.

“I knew you liked me.” He says as his confidence starts to poke through.

When was Leon ever not confident? This is the man that has survived Raccoon City while saving Claire and Sherry along the way, who then helped Manuela in South America with Krauser before he disappeared and is a trusted agent for the president (which, though it's just coming out this fall and this was written years ago possibly before rumors of Resident Evil 6 even started, has been confirmed in trailers for the sixth installment). Leon's never had any reasons to lose any confidence in himself at all.

“Keep telling yourself that Kennedy, why don’t you try to break our chains?” you tell him as he finally notices that you and him were chained together along with the Spaniard from before.

Leon then begins to nudge him to try and wake him up, “Hey wake up.”

The Spaniard stirs as he picks up his head and looks around, “Ai yi, yi crawl out of one hole and into another.”

“Wanna tell us what’s going on here?” the Spaniard looks to his left and sees you at the mention of ‘us’. He smiles at you as you raise a brow at him.

“Hola senorita.”

“Hi.” You say simply.

He then turns his head to Leon, “Ameicanos si? Now what brings a bloke like you and an angel like her to this part of the world?”

You almost gagged upon hearing him call you an angel. Just take the fucking compliment dickweed. I don't need a fucking production over how such an insignificant pet name grosses your delicate sensibilities out, a'ight?

Leon twists the chains which causes the guy to flinch, That should also then cause pain to Karla, seeing as they're apparently all chained together. But I suppose little continuity like that isn't important, eh? “Hey easy whoever you are.” He says while Leon smirks.

“Names’ Leon came here looking for this girl, seen her?” he asks the guy while showing him a picture of Ashley. The way that is written it's almost as if they're suddenly unchained from one another.

“What are you two suppose to be cops or something?...Nah you don’t look the type.”

“Maybe.” You and Leon both respond as the Spaniard takes another look at the photo.

“Okay let me guess…she’s the president’s daughter?”

Both of you turn to look at him with suspicion written on your faces, “That’s too good for a guess wanna start explaining?” Leon asks him.

“Psychic powers…” he whispers turning to you then Leon. “Nah just kidding with you amigos, I overheard one of the villagers talking about something of the president’s daughter in a church.”

“And who might you be?” you ask him as he turns to you.

“Who are you Senorita?”

“Quit with the pet name Since when is 'senorita' a pet name? This is news to me.; my name is Karla so start calling me that.”

“Okay Karla, me llamo Luis Sera I use to be a cop in Madrid but now I’m just a good for nothing guy who happens to be a lady’s man.”

You smiled at that as Leon asks him something else, “Why’d you quit?”

“Policia you put your life on the line no one really appreciates you enough, being a hero isn’t what it’s cracked up to be anymore.”

Seeing a connection Leon begins to reminisce, “I use to be a cop myself only for a day though.” This is from second person point of view, meaning the reader/character can't know that Leon "saw" a connection. They can infer as such after Leon speaks but the way this is written it's like the Suethor here is writing in third person half the time and only swapping the pronouns describing Karla with second person point of view appropriate words to make it seem like it's the reader's point of view. That's not how this works.

You furrowed your eyebrows as what he said sounded familiar, ‘I knew a guy who was a cop back during the Raccoon Cit incident with Zachary.’

Fuck you, we already know it was Leon. How do we know that? BECAUSE YOU SPOILED YOUR OWN FUCKING STORY TWISTS BEFORE THE STORY EVEN FUCKING BEGAN!


“And I thought I was bad.” Luis comments.

“Somehow I managed to get myself involved with the incident in Raccoon City on my first day on the force. I and another cop managed to save some survivors including his mother and sister.”

“That was the incident with the viral outbreak right?”

Leon nodded.

You smiled as you remembered that day; you never found out the cops’ name Zachary was working with but you knew that if it wasn’t for him, Zachary would never have gotten you and Bethany out alive by himself. Up until now you never knew that it was Leon that helped Zachary get you and Bethany out of the city along with a brunette who you later found out was Claire Redfield and a blonde little girl named Sherry.


“What was the cops’ name?” you ask him.

“Zachary. Why?”

“All this time I’ve been yelling at him through my earpiece you never knew it was the same Zachary from Raccoon City.”


Leon turns to you with a skeptical look, “You’re-”

“The girl from Raccoon City. Zachary’s nineteen year old sister who you helped out with against the zombies remember? If it wasn’t for you I would be dead by now.”

THIS IS FUCKING STUPID! EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW THIS! YOU SPOILED YOUR OWN STORY BY SPELLING EVERYTHING OUT THAT COULD HAVE BEEN USED AS ANY SORT OF TWIST IN THE INFORMATION BEFORE THE FIRST CHAPTER EVEN BEGAN! SO FUCK YOU! I'M NOT IMPRESSED!

Leon was speechless. Sure he remembered Zachary but he would’ve never guessed that it was the same Zachary from Raccoon city; Leon assumed it was just a coincidence.


“Ah it’s seems that fate brought you two back together,” Luis commented since Leon was quiet. “Anyways I think I might’ve seen a sample of the virus back at the department.”

The door creaks open as a Ganado enters with an ax, “Es hora de morir.”

“Do something cop!” Luis shouts at Leon.

“After you.”

The Ganado is nearing as he holds the ax over his head about to bring it down upon you all.

“Karla you roll forward.”

“Got it.” You answer.

The ax comes down as Leon and Luis move which causes the ax to break the chains as you roll forward hitting the wall with your shoulder. Suddenly the old pain begins to throb as you look at your ankle while gripping it in pain you were occupied with your injury that you didn’t notice the Ganado raising the ax above his head as you’re his new target.

Her bear trap injury still reads out like it's a twisted ankle and I just can't suspend my disbelief for it. Not happening, at all.

“Karla!” Leon shouts when suddenly you’re pulled to the side as Leon kicks the Ganado to wall which causes him to snap his neck. Looking up at your ‘hero’ you see Luis looking down at you with a smile on his face as he lets you go.

“Until next time senorita Karla.” He says before winking at you and running out of the shack.

Leon looks over at you, “You okay?”

“Yeah thanks.” You say as he smiles at you and then he looks down at your ankle.

“You okay to walk?”

“So I limp a little as long as I can walk.” You joke while walking slowly pass him as he follows after you.


“Over here strangers…”

Oh my god? Who’s that? Tune in next time.

Fuck you, this is much more entertaining and worth my time.