Illegal Operations: Project K Sporking/Review [12]

~Project K~ {Leon S. Kennedy} Pt.12 Lucky Charms

That is the stupidest fucking chapter title ever. And yes, I do realize I've said that before, it doesn't change the fact that this chapter title is fucking retarded.

“I was starting to wonder when you might notice us.”

That would indicate that Karla-Sue and Leon have any incentive or motivation to notice anything but each other.

“Who are you?” Leon demanded as a short person dressed in modern era clothing came into view.

Modern era? This guy?
That is decidedly not modern clothing.

On either side of him were what you assumed were his guards.

What, no mention of the big ass set of pincers poking out from under the hoods? Or the glowing, red eyes?

“Oh-my-god.” You say in utter shock which caused you to let go of Leon’s hand.

The short man above you all standing on the balcony laughed again in his high-pitched voice, “Yes fear me.”

You pointed at him and bent over while laughing uncontrollably, “Ha-ha, y-you look like a leprechaun!!! Ha-ha you better run before we steal you’re lucky charms they’re magically delicious!!!!” you laughed again while wiping tears from you’re eyes as Ashley giggled at the joke while Leon coughed suppressing his growing laughter.


This... un-fucking-believable. I think it's time for a spitefic, don't you? Alright, here we go!

You stood, staring at the short, oddly-dressed man in what looked like a powdered-wig. You released Leon's hand from your grasp as you brought it to your mouth mumbling "Oh my god...."

Thinking he had the upper hand in all aspects of this situation the small, gray-skinned man began to laugh, leering down at you all from the balcony. "Yes, fear me!"

Laughter began to bubble forth from your lips, causing you to double over, an arm hugging your stomach and your other hand pointing at the midget above. He looked at you peculiarly as this continued for several minutes. You fought to speak between uncontrollable laughter.

"Y-you look like a leprechaun! Hahaha! You better run before we steal your lucky charms! They're magically delicious!" Tears began to threaten to spill from your eyes as you continued. Trying to stop the laughter was hard.

"ENOUGH!" the little man raged, his sickly-colored face reddening. The two covered creatures on either side of him moved as if in agitation. The pincers that poked out from beneath their hoods clicked loudly.

Leon shifted away from you, brows knitted together in worry and confusion. Just why was this man's size so funny to you much less the fact that you seemed to be having a grand time over referencing the Lucky Charms commercials baffled him. Ashley drew closer to him as well, tugging at his shirt and staring at you worriedly.

"Is Karla okay?" she whispered behind a hand as you began to compose yourself. Leon could only shake his head. It was one thing to be snarky and sarcastic at a time like this but something like that? It left him wondering just how sane you really were and just why you had been chosen to accompany him to save Ashley in the first place.

And that's how that scene would have more likely played out in reality. If we keep seeing more and more horrendous reactions like this than expect to see more spitefics appear as we go, rockers.

This made the man very VERY upset. “WHY YOU LITTLE PEST! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!” he shouted in a thick Spanish accent similar to Luis’s. I would assume they're accents are similiar CONSIDERING THEY'RE BOTH FROM THE SAME FUCKING AREA OF THE WORLD! He cleared his throat regaining his composure, “Me llamo Ramon Salazar, the eighth Castilian I think the word you're looking for is "castellan." A quick search on even the Resident Evil wikia would have provided you this information. of this magnificent architecture I have been honored with the prodigious power from the great Lord Saddler. I’ve been expecting you my brethrens.” He says slightly bowing.

“No thanks bro.” Leon says while talking to him as though they were best buds.

“Bro. No one says that anymore.”

Clearly someone is not internet savvy.


You muttered as Leon looked at you through the corner of his eye.

“My, my we got a feisty one.” Salazar commented.

That technically is a feisty comment Karla-Sue left, only I get the feeling she meant it in the way of the first definition of the word, that being "characterized by spirited behavior, sometimes in an aggressive manner". The definition Karla-Sue's comment falls under however would be the second one which is "irritable: likely to respond in an irritable way.".

“That sounded so wrong.” You mumbled while shaking your head, as Leon turned to you with a glare before he strangely pinched your rear.


THIS IS A SERIOUS FUCKING SITUATION! STOP MAKING LEON A COMPLETE AND TOTAL PERVERT! HE WOULDN'T DO THAT IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS!

You blushed and whipped your head to see him pretending to glare up at Salazar acting as though he did nothing wrong.

“If you cared for your own well-being I suggest you surrender yourselves and simply become our hostages.” He continued as you snorted. Because apparently trying to transition subject matter in a smooth and natural way seems to be too hard we go from Leon and Karla fucking around to Salazar promptly following the game script again. God, this is so sloppy. “Or Mr. Scott you can just give us both the girl and Miss Leanne because you’re not worth a penny I’m afraid you can die.” He finishes while walking away as Leon looks at Ashley than back at you.

Notice how not only do they want Ashley back but now they want Karla as well? And yet we have no indication of why she's so damn special to their plans. It's sickening really. It must be fun to pretend you're so special everyone wants you - why else would Suethors keep doing things like this?

“I’m never turning into one of them, never!” Ashley says as Leon nods.

“You got that right we’ll find a cure.”

“But for now let’s find a way out of here, si?” you said as the two of them looked at you oddly.

“Que?” you asked in Spanish.

“Spain is beginning to rub off of you.” Leon smirked as you rolled your eyes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had the key. You entered the prison. Now you were contemplating on whether to accompany Leon at his side or just stay here at the steps with Ashley. He was inching towards the small cage as he kicked the door down and slowly, gun drawn was going for the switch to shut off the fire. He was so close when suddenly the creature that was chained to the wall suddenly lunged at Leon as he dodged.

“Ashley stay here.” You whispered as you quietly tip-toed towards Leon that’s when you stopped in your tracks and stood still as the monster was walking, listening for any more sounds. Leon must’ve gotten the hint as he too was crouched on the ground still as a stone statue. You were hoping that it couldn’t hear your heartbeat which was drumming insanely in your chest threatening to burst out.

The monster was inches from you with its arms to the side, sharp claws out waiting to attack and rip apart anything that it heard.

You’re shaking hand was settled on the butt of your gun ready to grab it and fire at any moment. You’d forgotten that you weren’t breathing trying to be as quiet as possible, that’s when a bell was heard and the monster breezed past you and over to the sound swaying its arms all over.

I find it sad that this is so far the best descriptive narration we've received so far in TWELVE CHAPTERS.

You inhaled a lump sum of air and breathed out again but that was when the monster was now charging towards you, hearing your breathing. You rolled to the side as its claws struck the cement and that’s when you caught sight of the parasite on its back and then you shot at it.

When its claws were out of the wall it went towards you again preparing to slash you.

“Karla!” Leon shouted as the claws were above you about to strike down on you.

You had expected to feel the pain but you opened your eyes realizing that you had closed them, and looked up realizing that your force field stopped it. ‘Freaky…’


You know, people, this is what happens when you overload your character with Sue-per powers! It completely ruins any tension you could have. Every time Karla-Sue is in any danger she's saved by force fields SHE DOESN'T EVEN RECALL MAKING. That'd be like making a character with the power to see the future and using it to kill every single one of your plot points and twists EVEN BEFORE THEY HAPPEN (I'm looking at you Twilight)! This is why when you give a character a power you have to find a way to balance it out.

Suddenly hands were under your arms as you were being dragged back and up on your feet about to question Leon he pulled you to him and the both of you rolled out of the way as the monster once again got his claws stuck into the wall.

With Leon still on top of you he pulled out the Red9 and began to shoot at its back and then finally it slumped to the floor…dead.

“That was close.” Leon commented as he looked down at your beet red face staring up at him. “You okay?”

“You saved me…again.”


“Suppose I did.”

“And you’re on top of me…again.”

“I guess so.” He answers with a sly blush.

How can a blush be sly? When one blushes it's typically out of EMBARRASSMENT. And also;

“Why are you still on top of me?” You asked in a dazed tone.


“Oh. Sorry.” He quickly said as he got up off of you and offered you a hand up as you took it. You then switched the switch It was a lever! on and went up the stairs along with Ashley, who was smiling at you in a devious way she probably got the idea that Leon liked you. Wait? Did he? Did you?


Can this get anymore stupid? My god....

You looked back at her to see that she was still grinning and that’s when you pulled out your Swiss army knife and waved it in front of her which got her to turn away quickly

W-Wha? That's-what? Huh?! I'm so confused! Did Karla seriously just silently threaten Ashley - THE PERSON SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING - just for grinning at her?

while now walking along side Leon, who in return looked back at you to see that you were cleaning your nails with the knife.

He chuckled and suddenly the three of you were cut off by the Illuminados with crossbows blocking your entrance.