The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [04]

I got dragged into this by Oki before she ran off earlier, said I had to spork a few chapters for her on her behalf. 'Course she owes me a favor now but... I really don't want to be here.... *sighs* Well, no use in bitching about it now.

*kicks feet up onto table and pulls out the Chapter File* Let's get this show on the road.

Quote :: Mikki's p.o.v. “You’re under arrest for stealing pokemon.” Officer Jenny said once I got out of the clearing.

“I didn’t steal any pokemon!” I said indignantly. “I went after the guy who stole them.”

“A likely story.” Officer Jenny said cuffing me. I rolled my eyes. “A criminal always comes back to the scene of the crime.”

While I take great joy out of any situation that accuses the resident Sue, in this case Mikki-Moron, of anything I'm getting the feeling this is all for needless *~drama~*. Officer Jenny may be a bit forceful but she doesn't just run around slapping handcuffs on people first without finding out the story behind it, even if she would be suspicious about it.

Quote :: I’m tired, I did the right thing, now I’m going to be arrested. I thought to myself. What a great first day.

Quit yer bitchin' and explain yourself to Officer Jenny more thoroughly and maybe you wouldn't be in this situation.

Quote :: “Hey wait a minute! You got the wrong person.” Ethan said pushing through the crowd of officers.

Of course some other character would rush to her rescue. Why wouldn't he?
The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [04] Alice-Killme

Quote :: “Ethan! Just in time!” I said with relief. “Why don’t we all go to Professor Elm’s place and explain everything.”

You see this? This is ridiculous; why don't they just explain what's going on here and now? Why drag it out further?

Quote :: Chikorita was staring down Officer Jenny like she was the wicked witch of the west.

You know what? Fuck it, spitefic time from yours truly.

Chikorita was glaring up at us though I couldn't be sure who he was glaring at so forcefully from our positions. I would guess that it was Officer Jenny considering I had been the one to save the little Pokémon from that red-headed thief. I smiled down at him to reassure Chikorita. It didn't seem to ease his mood any.

After a moment of possibly musing over my words Officer Jenny nodded though she didn't remove the cuffs. "Okay, but I've got my eye on you," she warned firmly. I snorted, a pout filling my features at the handcuffs not being removed. Just what was the deal here? Shouldn't she have removed them? I hadn't done anything and I was tired!

I spared a glance down at the still moody Chikorita. I could only assume he didn't like the fact that Officer Jenny hadn't removed the cuffs. "Hey, it's okay, little buddy! You don't have to glare like that at Officer Jenny anymore, we'll get things straightened out soon."

A moment passed as Chikorita seemed to grow even angrier staring up at me. I blinked, brows furrowing in confusion. What was wrong?

"Hey, Chikorita, what's up? Shouldn't you be happy that I saved you from that thief? Why are you glaring at me so meanly?" I asked, sparing a timid smile. Chikorita lunged at me then, his hard head smacking into mine and making me see stars as I yelped. I landed hard on the ground before I knew it, my head spinning and confused as Chikorita looked smug at this. "What was that for?!"

"Oh my.... It seems like that Pokémon doesn't trust you," Officer Jenny began as suspicion crept back into her voice. "Are you sure you're not the thief?"

"Chika!" crowed Chikorita happily.

Quote :: “Okay.” Officer Jenny said and un-cuffed me. “But I got my eye on you.” I rubbed my wrists gratefully. And we began walking back to Professor Elm’s lab.

In reality Officer Jenny would have most likely kept those cuffs on her just in case.

Quote :: “Mikki! You’re okay!” Professor Elm said as we walked back into the lab.

“Yeah, I’m a little scuffed up.” I said. “I only managed to get two back. Sorry I couldn’t get the third.” I placed the un-opened and Chikorita’s poke ball in his hands.

And that is why you FAIL!
The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [04] 000f4qt5

Quote :: “I’m just glad you’re safe.” Professor Elm said. “Officer Jenny? What seems to be the problem?” I was remembering that the professor had a tendency to be scattered brained.

This is so poorly structured. We have Professor Elm's dialogue and immediately after with no transition or prior warning we're told Mikki-Moron is having flashbacks. I probably shouldn't bitch too much about this, at least we're not being forced to wade through the flashbacks, too.

Quote :: “We got a report of someone stealing pokemon. And she came out from the clearing.” Officer Jenny said.

You know, this is pretty damn miraculous of Officer Jenny. She must have a built-in warning system that lets her know something's going down and where as it happens because everyone in that area that was mentioned (Ethan, Elm and Mikki-Moron) were all busy. Professor Elm's question to Officer Jenny rules out that he called her and it doesn't look like Ethan did either meaning no one in the area that had witnessed the robbery reported it.

Quote :: “I got his Trainer Card.” I said quietly pulling it out from my pocket. I looked at it and it said his name was Silver. “This is the guy right Ethan? Professor Elm?” Ethan and Professor Elm both looked at it. Professor Elm just nodded silently.

So, she picked up his Trainer card and instead of telling Officer Jenny that she nabbed the thief's Trainer card as proof that she wasn't the thief she neglects to do so until such a time so as everyone can hear?
The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [04] Original

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [04] Original

Quote :: “That’s the guy Officer Jenny! He better be glad I didn’t have a chance at getting him.” Ethan said just as angry as I had been. Officer Jenny took the Trainer Card from my hand.

I haven't really played SoulSilver in awhile but I don't recall Ethan being this forceful either.

Quote :: “Okay, the Suspect’s name is Silver. We’ll post his image in nearby pokemon centers to stop him.” Officer Jenny said and drove off on her bike. We three took a sigh of relief. Apparently none of us liked dealing with the authorities too much.

Why not? What's the point of injecting your, as the writer, dislikes into all the characters with you? Professor Elm and Ethan would have no trouble dealing with authorities as they're good people who don't act up and get into trouble. They would have no reason not to like cooperating with Officer Jenny.

Quote :: “So I wonder what Mr. Silver did end up taking.” Professor Elm said releasing the un-opened poke ball. From it came out a Totodile, Dancing as soon as it was released.

Actually canonically he steals Totodile not Cyndaquil if you go by his manga incarnation.

Quote :: “So that leaves Cyndaquil right?” Ethan said.

No, it leaves fucking Slowpoke OF COURSE THAT MEANS CYNDAQUIL WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT! Ethan's intelligence has apparently been reduced to that of a gnat's.
The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [04] COLBERT-1

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [04] COLBERT-1

Quote :: “At least he didn’t take you Marill!” He said hugging the blue mouse pokemon. Professor Elm re-called Totodile back into the poke ball.

“So Mikki how is this Chikorita acting towards you?” Professor Elm suddenly asked. He looked very interested to know.

Oh, great, now we get to focus on how great the starter Pokémon acts with Mikki-Moron.

Quote :: “This Chikorita is like a…gentleman!” I said brightly. And Chikorita puffed himself a bit to look the part.

“Well that’s good, He never got along with me. He’s now yours.” Professor Elm said putting Chikorita’s poke ball in my hand.

Of course. Of-fucking-course. Why would she need to work to bond with her Pokémon when the little thing can just instantly like her and there's no fuss involved?

.... ..... .... ? *begins digging through the manilla folder for more pages. Finding none - begins to look under the folder and table for any lost pages* That's it? Really? That was two pages of Word Doc compared to the six or eight I usually have to trek through with Russian Territories!

» The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06]
» The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [13]
» The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [03]
» The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [09]
» The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [14]