Illegal Operations: Project K Chronicles, Resident Evil [22]

Spectre: I demand that... you stop dragging me into this... with you....

Fang: *face in hands, shaking head* Spectre, you jus-you just... no. You don't even know... This makes me want to kill myself.... Jus... Just no....

Spectre: And you want to... take me with you....? *scoffs*

Fang: *whines piteously*

Resident Evil:The Project K Chronicles {Leon S.Kennedy} pt.22 The Bad Combination: Karla and David

Fang: .... .... *begins shaking head again*

Spectre: Do not tell me... that you are already 'broken'....

And you thought Chris and Karla picked on each other, wait until David gets under Karla's skin.

Fang: You mean it's going to get worse?!

Spectre: I am beginning to worry.... for your mental health....

David was on his way out to get his car. When there was nothing out there but a towing truck pulling his car away.

Fang: .... ....How can there be nothing out there but a tow truck and his car? What, does he just live in an infinite whiteness and things just float?

Spectre: It is just... poor writing.... You should not... take these things literally....

"Shit! Talk about a bad day." He watched as the truck turned to the next corner.

Fang: How is that even remotely like a normal fucking reaction to your car getting towed?! HOW?!

"I need a ride...Mark." David took out his phone and dialed Mark's number.

Fang: Yes, that's what I do, too; just sit around and talk to myself about what I need! ... "God, I need the will to live!"

Spectre: Do not force me to... put you under suicide watch.... You will not like it....

Fang: Yeah, I don't imagine having a blue LIGHT shined on my face all night when I'm tryin' to sleep would produce much want to continue living.

Mark was on his way to reach Leon and Karla, when his phone rang.

"What?" Mark kept focus on the road.

"Where are you? I need a lift, just got a call from C.L"

"Who the hell is C.L? I can't talk when I’m driving!"

Spectre: It is nice to know... that at least we are not the only... ones who do not know what is... going on....

"Crazy Lady...Karla! Hurry up I'm tired of standing!"

Fang: *buries head in arms* Oh my god, I hate this fucker already....

Spectre: He whines... far too much....

Fang: Not surprising, just look at how much Karla-Sue whines.

"You have a car! Besides, I just got bad news about Claire. I need to know what happened. I don't know what's going on, but Leon seemed really shaky on the phone."

Mark drove down the same street David lived on.

Fang:

Spectre: All of this... convenience... is beginning to annoy me....

Fang: So... Mark is driving God knows where and then suddenly he's... where David is...? What...?

"I see you...come in." He tossed his phone to the side and pulled over.

"Just in time." David put out his cigarette and took shotgun. "Where we headed?"

"Call Karla back. I can't have my self roaming around in circles...I gave up the secret service for this."

Spectre: These talentless morons do not even... know where they are going....?

Fang: *runs hands over face in disbelief* Does no one in this HAVE ANY FORESIGHT OR FUCKING COMMON SENSE?

"...Idiot, alight I'll call her." Smirking to himself in a secret joke he dialed Karla Smith’s number just as Mark stopped at a light.

Fang: What secret joke? What the hell is this shit?! WHY AM I STILL HERE?!

Spectre: You are still here because... you have a nasty case of... trainwreck syndrome....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ready yet?” Leon asked impatiently as he waited by the front door. After calling the Mario Brothers as he so kindly nicknamed them,

Fang: .... ..... ....

Spectre: What is it... now...?

Fang: You wouldn't know; you're not a gamer. But these are the real Mario Brothers. Luigi and Mario Mario:

Spectre: .... .... I am sorry... that I asked....

he and you managed to tidy up the place as clean as possible.

Fang: As had been established when the word tidy was used.

Spectre: You seem more aggravated... by that than you should be....

Fang: I hate, hate, hate useless repetition!

And now, here you were changing outfits. He had to admit though, he LOVED you in that outfit it was the first time he had seen you in shorts…scratch that, it wasn’t the first.

Fang:

Spectre: *awkwardly pats Fang on the back* There... there....?

Fang: *buries face in Spectre's shoulder* I don't wanna be here anymore!

“Ask me again and see if I don’t throw this expensive cologne at your head.”

Fang: Was it really necessary to point out that the cologne was expensive?!

Spectre: You forget how much... this woman wishes she were rich....

You called from Kaplan’s bedroom and moments later you reappeared in a long-sleeved lavender top and denim shorts with white sneakers.

Leon turned away obviously pleased with the outfit,

Fang: Leon! Keep your libido in check!

Spectre: Fang! Enough with the porn imagery!

Fang: *gapes, shocked* .... .... I think this is the first time I've heard you lose your cool....

“Let’s go.”

You both climbed into his jeep as he drove toward the location of the temporary HQ, you smiled at him as he concentrated on driving and just when you were about to tell him something a certain ringtone defining a certain person rang loudly.

Fang: I guess the whole 'Karla is a wanted felon' has just permanently stopped being a thing, huh?

Spectre: She has gotten what she... wanted from it... why would she need to keep it around?

Fang: *crosses arms and huffs* Because it would have been more realistic and far more interesting then the drek we're looking at now!

Spectre: Or she would have... just mangled the concept... and you would still rage....

Fang: .... ....

"I thought I was a fool for no one but ooh, baby I'm a fool for you, you're the queen of the superficial, and how long before you tell the truth?”

“Wow, the first time David has actually called.” You smirk as you answered. “Karla Smith speaking how may I assist you?”

"What are you a telephone operator?...Where the hell are you two? Leon should’ve given a brief description of where you were both at. We're not detectives...Great the silent game."

Fang: .... I want to punch him. I want to punch him repeatedly.

Spectre: If you do... I will be sure that you... are not interrupted....

He sure was the same David you had met months ago and now you weren’t going to give him the reaction he was waiting to hear.

Fang: *shrinks away from Spectre before speaking warily* That sounds remarkably like those raging mega-bitches who pretend that they don't have an orgasm when they do just to immaculate their man.

Spectre: For once... I had been thinking the... very same....

"Damn it, can't you at least ask her politely?! Say you're sorry!" you could hear Mark in the background yelling at him.

Fang: But of course, because it's never Karla-Sue's fault! *flips the table out of anger*

Spectre: That was... excessive....

Covering the phone you said the following to Leon, “I think David is better suited as Waluigi.” Leon smirks at this as you uncovered the phone to listen to David argue with his brother.

Fang:

"...Who's on the phone, and who's on the wheel?...I'm sorry, Karla...Now can you tell me were you are?"

“BETA North America’s temporary HQ, it’s on Ascot Street.” You replied.

“Thanks. Nah…I take it back we’ll meet you there when we get- hey! Are you trying to kill us?!” David shouted to his brother.

“I’ll kill you in a heartbeat if you don’t-” there the line was cut off as you sighed and tucked the phone away.


“They never fail to amuse me.”

Fang: Yet you always fail to amuse me.

Spectre: I... concur....

You sigh as Leon pulls up while narrowing at the sight before you both.

“Is that who I think it is?” you asked in disbelief as you ducked your head from view.

“It’s the Government, meaning Agent McFerrin and Don Matthews are here.” Leon answered as he inspected the black SUVs and grabbed a cap from the back of his jeep and handed it to you.

Spectre: Yet Kennedy is apart... of the Government... as is Smith.... Why are they... segregating themselves from them?

“You’re still wanted for that incident, we need to meet here and get weapons…but one of us has to go in.”

Fang: SO NOW YOU BRING IT BACK UP! NOW?! OUT OF ALL THE OTHER TIMES YOU IGNORE IT?! NEVER MIND THE FACT THAT POLICE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER YOU THAT ANYONE WITH A FUCKING BRAIN WOULD HAVE TURNED YOU IN! OH NO, THEY JUST ALL DECIDE TO HARBOR YOU WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE A FUCKING CLONE WHO DID IT! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FUCK ME!

Spectre: *sits quietly, feeling awkward*

“I will,” you say while tucking your hair in the cap. “I can call Joyce; she’ll tell me what’s up.”

Fang: NO! NO! THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS! JUST TUCKING YOUR HAIR UP IN A HAT DOESN'T CHANGE YOUR IDENTITY SUDDENLY! THIS IS BULLSHIT! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THAT STUFF WORKED FOR EOWIN IN LORD OF THE RINGS? BECAUSE SHE WAS DRESSED HEAD TO TOE IN ARMOR AND DIDN'T OPEN HER GODDAMN MOUTH! THIS REALISTICALLY ISN'T GONG TO WORK! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *slides sideways out of chair, thudding to the floor where she lays motionless*

Spectre: *cautiously leans over to check* Are you... alright...?

Fang: *bangs head on floor*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sneaking in the backseat? You sure that'll work?" David asked Mark as they slowly got out of the car.

"Any more ideas, do tell."

"...I still think it's a load of crap."

"Come on, we have to do this quickly."

Mark and David crouched down to the back of Leon’s jeep.

"You know how to open the lock Dave?"

"As if..." David slowly opened the trunk of the car. "Idiot Kennedy forgot to lock up...”

"You think we should tell them we're right behind their car?"

"And what? Get blown by the government? I listen to things, unlike you."

"I don't think I can fit with you...This is a waste of time...Watch..." David closed the trunk and made his way to the backseat.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Knock, knock. It's the twins, let us in!”

“Ah!” you screamed and jumped up while looking out and seeing Mark and David crouched down next to your door.

“Karla you almost gave yourself away!” Leon hissed as you flipped him off

Fang: Yes, because getting pointed out that something is your fault is something to get an attitude about to someone else.

and opened the back door for them to get in; hastily they climbed in the backseat and kneeled close to both of you.

“You prick, sneaking up on us like that. Don’t you know I’m on the run?!” you shouted at them

Spectre: Interesting.... considering I was just... wondering if you had realized that....

Fang: God knows she doesn't act like it. Drives around in broad daylight, goes out, calls everyone she knows without pause, has an Army pilot drop her off in Egypt... These are all things one avoids so as not to get caught!

Spectre: It seems to me... that the author thinks that... only FBI or CIA chase... wanted felons....

Fang: Which isn't the case; everyone knows that police get in on that shit. That's part of their job description!

as Mark looked apologetic in his uniform you assumed was suppose to have been his Secret Service uniform.

Fang: Wait... Secret Service? He had an interview... to join up with the Secret Service...?

Spectre: It would... appear that way....

Fang: AND HE JUST THREW THAT ALL AWAY FOR THIS STUPID LITTLE SUE AND HER RETARDED PREDICAMENT?! WHY?! AND I WON'T ACCEPT 'BECAUSE SHE'S A SUE' AS AN ANSWER! THAT IS THE MOST ABYSMALLY STUPID THING I HAVE SEEN A SIDE CHARACTER DO IN FAVOR OF DOTING ON KARLA-SUE AND HER STUPID PREDICAMENTS THAT SHE CAN'T GET OUT OF HERSELF! WHY WOULD YOU THROW AWAY YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT?!

Spectre:

David just looked like the jerk that he was; still dressing like a delinquent/biker.

Fang: I really, really hate it when people take stereotypes seriously and use them as a way to bullshit characters. Just because this guy dresses as a biker doesn't mean he'd be an automatic jerk or delinquent. I've grown up around several bikers and all of them dressed like everybody else when they weren't out riding and even if they did dress like the atypical biker they were still very nice people.

Hell, I may joke about Spectre being equated to that weird kid in school but I don't mean it! *jerks thumb at Spectre*

Spectre: *sourly* So glad that I can... provide you amusement....

Fang: You know you love me, babe~.

Spectre: *snorts*

His smirk oddly went well with the attire that he was currently in; his black t shirt and dark blue jeans went well with his black leather jacket. All the while his dark brown hair was in its usual style.

Fang: Dark, black, dark, black, dark - you do realize there are other adjectives that exist, correct?

“Yeah we know it was all over the news, sorry about that.

Spectre: If it was all over the news.... then how did she... get away with wandering around in... broad daylight...?

We know you’re not capable of that.” Mark said with a kind smile.

Fang: What is it with all these assholes and the "we know you aren't capable of that" spiel? What? Has it just been ignored that she found it fun to kill Ganado left and right in Project K? Or that she actively enjoys being a raging douche-nozzle to everyone she knows? And let's not forget what is often said from neighbors of people that are found to have murdered someone; "S/he was such a nice child! Didn't say much though...."

“What Mark said, you’re too weak to hurt anybody.” David said with a smirk as you frowned back at him.

Fang: Plus ten respect points to David.

Spectre: Only... ten...?

Fang: Mmhmm... Mostly because I know he'll do some damned fool thing later to piss me off.

“Piss off.”

“I didn’t mean it like that Dave; you like to twist my words don’t you?” Mark snapped at his brother.

“It’s the only way to keep me sane.”

“Anyways, this is the place we’re supposed to meet. Unfortunately as you can see the Government is here sniffing around, Karla needs to go in since she has the codes to everything we need but we need someone to go with her…that’s where you come in David.”

Spectre: Only one person... has the codes...? That is the recipe for... failure.... What if she had been... killed and they needed them...?

Fang: Let's not forget Leon is the co-founder of BETA, shouldn't he have a copy of the codes, too, in case of emergencies and Karla-Sue couldn't be contacted?

“What?!” you and David surprisingly shouted in sync.

"I'm sorry you want me to do what?" David snapped

Fang: He wants you to go with Karla-Sue so we can all be privy to your CUH-RAAAAAAAAAZY antics which will undoubtedly just make me want to kill myself.

Spectre: I think I will settle for... choosing to kill that which... annoys me instead....

"He's right Dave. If we want to help out there has to be sacrifices. No matter how difficult they are.” Mark said defending Leon’s proposition.

"I understand that Claire Redfield’s missing, but you want me to sneak in, with double d?" he asked in disbelief while hooking a thumb in your direction, moving it before you had the chance to bite him.

Fang: You're telling me that on top of Karla-Sue being this supposedly insanely beautiful woman that every man wants to pork she has double Ds, too?

Spectre: I am surprised that you... care....

Fang: I care because it's unrealistic! Double Ds aren't just common without surgery you know! Usually larger, huskier women have the larger breasts due to breasts being mostly fat and mammaries.

Spectre: *smugly* I see... So then when Beltway... says you have a small chest you... aren't really angry with him then... hmmm?

Fang: .... .... .... I plead the fifth.

"Are you gonna keep making an argument out of everything? We need to help; we're the only ones left. Be lucky we're not dead from back then." Mark had a point and David knew it although he would never admit that aloud, especially not in front of you.

Fang: .... .... Are we supposed to know what they're talking about...?

Spectre: I am not... sure....

"...We're not related I swear...Fine, I'll do it. Keep you hands and feet to yourself, chicky. I bite.”

“Like I would want to touch you, you sick ape.” You snapped at him.

"Now what do I have to do Kennedy? Let's hope it doesn't involve breaking and entering." Mark cracked his knuckles, ignoring the both of you as if you were naughty siblings arguing with one another.

Fang: Given this author's track record she should not be allowed to use the word 'naughty' in any capacity.

Spectre: I am very inclined... to agree....

“Nothing for now, we’ll stay here and keep an eye on the Government make sure they don’t spot them.”

Fang: Two people do not constitute the government! Stop classifying them as such!

“Sounds-”

“I swear I would rather go back with Demitri than be here with you! You’re infuriating! I wish I was deaf so I wouldn’t have to hear you, you asshole!” you suddenly shouted as you tried to swipe at David with no such luck.

"Be careful what you say, it'd come true. Karla, you do know I don't take orders from no one right?" David raised his eyebrow.

“Bite me asshole!” you successfully smacked him upside the head.

“Ow!”


"...Let' get this over with already." Mark grumbled to the two of you before he and Leon literally shoved you both out of the car. “Who’s Demitri?” Mark asked as he watched you dial a number while David tried to peak down your blouse.

Fang:

“No one important.” Leon grounded out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire awoke to a small damp cell; she sat upright as she grabbed her head in pain. They did a real good job on making sure she was knocked out.

“Claire?”

She knew that voice anywhere and instantly she leaned against the wall as she tilted her head back and listened, “Sheva, is that you?”

Fang: Funny that Claire would recognize Sheva's voice at any given time and place considering we rarely see them interact with one another in this shitfic.

A sigh on the other side, “Yes it’s me.”

“Is Chris…with you…in that cell?” Claire asked and then felt silly for asking.

Fang: Why is that a thing to feel silly about? Leon told her he's still possibly alive despite believing him dead, it's a legitimate concern.

“No, it’s just Chad and myself…Eric is in the other cell.”

“Oh thank god is he okay?” Claire shifted and was startled when she felt a body beside her; she relaxed when she felt Milla’s hand on her lap. The poor girl was still knocked out cold.

“We don’t know, he’s been unconscious but they took care of his foot. And what do you mean by Chris being here Claire?”

Spectre: I would imagine... that that would be an easy... thing to piece together....

Fang: It would be if all these assholes weren't as dumb as a box of rocks.

Claire fidgeted with her hands for a while, “Yesterday, Karla and Chris went on a mission into some ruins…there was an accident I guess and only Karla made it out.”

Sheva was quick to respond, “He’s still alive. He’s Chris Redfield; he got out perhaps before what ever happened.”

Spectre: It is entertaining how.... Alomar is so quick to... reassure the girl without... knowing the situation....

“Yeah, you’re right. And besides, Karla and Leon will find us…hopefully they have back up, like them.”

“Them?” Sheva asked with curiosity and interest.

Fang:

Claire smiled briefly, “The Conway brothers, Mark and David. Karla, Leon and I met them before my brother went to Africa. We were there to find some people called the ABA something like that, anyways we ended up running into Mark and a guy named Don Angello and got into some real crazy situations.”

Fang: *eye twitches repeatedly* Convenient how we get a shittily-told off-hand back story on how they know these two assholes considering they've never been written into the story before hand. You know what this means? Gabby15cancer had written herself into a corner and had to find a way to justify the Conway assclowns being there and for Karla-Sue, Leon and Claire to already know them.

“You seem relatively fond of this Mark fellow.” Sheva inquired quietly as she knew Eric might wake soon.

“He saved our lives, and he liked me...so much he asked me for my number.”*

Fang: No... NO! This flowchart CAN'T GET ANY BIGGER! IT'S ALREADY BEATING SOAP OPERAS WITH HOW LARGE, INTRICATE AND BULLSHIT IT IS!

“But.” Sheva said as more of a statement than answer.

She hesitated for a moment, “I said no, and that I was seeing someone at the time.” Claire fidgeted.

“You lied to him?” damn she was good!

“Yes. Only because I was afraid.”

“Of what?” Sheva asked softly as she heard Claire sigh deeply.

“Of falling in love…would if we did? He probably would’ve been dead too…but then again Steve is alive but he’s not the same…”

“Do you love Eric?”

“What?”

Fang: *eye begins to twitch rapidly*

Spectre: Fang....? You are alright.... yes...?

Fang: *forces a strained grin* Y-Yeah, of course I'm okay... Heehee... heheheh... *twitches*

“Do you love Eric?” Sheva repeated.

“I’m starting to. Yes.”

“And Mark?” She didn’t mean to press but in order to help the young Redfield she had to know whether she truly wants Eric or if she would rather be happier with Mark.

“Yes, ever since that day. I don’t want to hurt Eric though, I care about him-”

Fang: *buries face in hands* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GOD DAMNIT! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! *allows herself to fall to the floor again where she lays motionless* Just... leave me here to DIE!

Spectre: .... I believe you have been... cooped up in this room for... too long, Fang....

Fang: If you make this shit go away I will love you forever....

Spectre: .... ..... Why don't we... just finish this chapter...?

“And there is your difference Miss Redfield, you care about Eric. You don’t talk about him like you do with this Mark. Catch my drift?”

Claire closed her eyes and nodded even though she knew the younger woman was right, “You’re absolutely right, I don’t talk about him the way I do with Mark.”

“Suggestion if I may?”

“Be my guest.”

“Just tell Eric how you really feel; it’s not good to lead him on.”

Fang: NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE PLAYING MATCHMAKER, DAMNIT! IF YOU HAVE TIME TO PLAY MATCHMAKER THAN YOU HAVE TIME TO PREPARE TO ESCAPE!

Spectre:

Claire nodded as she smiled in the darkness, “I know, thanks Sheva. Hopefully Eric will understand.”

“For now let’s focus on surviving, and have faith in Karla and the others.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Claire said and Sheva instantly noticed the hint of a smile in her voice, she smiled to herself fairly pleased.





* -Yes, I'm changing it a tad bit. In RE:Philosophy Claire was with Eric, well in PKC that story took place before RE:Russian Territories and before Claire met Eric. So yeah I hope I cleared that up.

Fang: *gestures wildly to the note above* I don't even know what any of that means!

Spectre: Why don't we... go get drunk...?

Fang: You're offering me booze?! Oh, God, yes! I physically need a drink!