Illegal Operations: Project K Sporking/Review [07]

~Project K~ {Leon S. Kennedy} Pt.7 Fighting the orge isn't as easy as it seems


Y'know, a lot of people just don't write separate chapter titles - I think maybe that would have been the best route here. Because ten bucks says El Gigante is going to appear in this chapter.

‘Mommy my arm hurts.’


‘Lemme see baby.’

Why are we suffering through a flashback? What purpose does this serve?

Bethany examines twelve-year-old Karla’s Why are we suddenly in third person point of view? This is Karla's flashback, the character that this story insists is the "reader" meaning it should still be in second person point of view. Karla would be the one recalling it as we've had no mention of Bethany other than in the character information listings before the story began. left arm as she sees a bruise being formed near her elbow as she began to bandage the wound slowly with the gauze. Bethany’s brown eyes then flicker towards her adopted daughter, of course she never thought of her as adopted more so that she was her very own flesh and blood. You've stated this a handful of times in only seven chapters. I'm sure it's been no more than five but I'm already sick of seeing it. SHOW me, don't TELL me.


‘What did you do baby?’


‘I fell…off my bike.’ Bethany’s eyes then return to Karla’s left arm only to find that the bruise she had thought she saw now vanished leaving no trace of her ever having an injury she continued to wrap and secure the arm with the gauze. Confusion was clear on her face as she quickly embraced her daughter in a tight hug, ‘It’s okay now baby, momma took care of your wound…’



Seriously, all this is is an unnecessary reminder of "Hey-o! Don't forget, guys, Karla was super-speshul and kidnapped as a kid even though no police were called! You're also not allowed to forget she has amazing Sue-per powers!"

Which brings up another point - why didn't they go to get this checked out? It'd be what any normal, loving parent would do. Yet the adopted set of parents who we've been told a handful of times already love her like their own haven't done a single thing about it. No one's tried to find out about it, no one's reported it, nothing. This is unrealistic and I can't suspend my disbelief for it. Much less, if she's had this healing power of hers since she WAS A CHILD AFTER HER KIDNAPPING BY UMBRELLA (I still demand an explanation as to why they kidnapped a child to experiment on, by the by) then why was she surprised by it when she got her leg mauled by the bear trap just chapters ago? What, did the stupid power just go dormant until it was neccessary to be used again? That's BULLSHIT!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waking up you heard Leon gasp out loud as he looked all around the room and finally up at you from where his head laid on your lap.

“Evening sleepy head.” That sounds like something I'd be told after sleeping all day after an all-nighter video game session. It is decidedly not something you would tell someone who just had a strange fainting episode for apparently no reason you can discern. You said as he slowly rose up from your lap and finally turned around to face you while sitting in front of you. Was the "while sitting in front of you" bit really so necessary it just had to be added? Or were you just attempting to up your word count?

“You okay?” he simply asked as you nodded with a smile.

“Peachy. Don’t ever scare me like that again okay? I almost had a heart attack thinking you croaked on me.”

In truth Leon was merely mimicking the opposum and hoped that by playing dead you would eventually just leave. Sadly it did not work as such.

His eyebrows knitted in confusion. Okay, why would Leon be confused? He's the one who passed out - he blacked out after a coughing fit and woke up in a strange place on Karla-Sue's lap. Why would he be confused as to why Karla-Sue is worried about his well-being?

You sighed and decided to change the subject, “We should rest up here for awhile just until you get your strength back.”

Remember when we were on the search for the President's missing daughter? I miss that....

“I feel fine.”

“Well maybe you do but it’s also raining out too.”


Why would that factor into anything? I'm getting the feeling that the writer of this fanfiction doesn't realize that military work is not your average nine to five job. Come Hell or high water you're expected to perform your task to the best of your ability, a little rain wouldn't stop anyone in the military. It'd just be one more thing to 'combat' in a sense on the mission.

Alternately you can also view this as either A) Karla-Sue just wanting to get some *~alone time~* with Leon or B) she's just whining to whine again.

Silence engulfed the shack as the heavy pouring rain outside was only heard followed by the cracking of thunder and lightning.

Leon then clears his throat and starts up a conversation, “So your birth father was Spaniard?”

I can't believe Leon's actually bowing down to the whims of Karla-Sue's moaning about a little rain. THIS IS THE MAN THAT DOES WHATEVER HE CAN TO SAVE THOSE IN NEED! HIS MISSION IN LIFE ITSELF SINCE RACCOON CITY IS TO MAKE SURE HE CAN CONTINUE TO SAVE PEOPLE FROM BEING VICTIMS TO UMBRELLA EVER AGAIN! *takes a deep breath* Karla-Sue must really have her Sue-claws in him if he's already bowing down to her bratty whims without a word against it. I mean, really? I'm expected to believe that Leon would just sit back and wait for a storm to pass WHEN THE PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER IS STILL IN DANGER?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

You shook your head, “My mother was, my father was Mexican.”

I fail to see how any of this is actually relevant to anything that could possibly resemble a plot.

He nodded a gesture signifying for you to go on if you wanted too so you did, “My father couldn’t take care of me after my mother died giving birth to me so he gave me to Oscar his best friend and after that I don’t know what happened to him…he just disappeared.”

Leon gave you a sympathetic look as you twiddled your thumbs in a uncomfortable gesture you didn’t know why you were uncomfortable, you were just talking to Leon it’s not like you were answering to the FBI or something but second guess says that the memory of your birth parents brings a toll on your heart.


Suddenly you heard Zachary’s voice on the other line of the earpiece you had forgotten about him "LOL Mission? What mission? :D" that and you thought it had water damage but then you quickly remembered it was military technology meaning it was high tech,


“Hey it’s been six hours since I last talked with you. How are you holding up?”

You placed a hand over the earpiece to hear him better, “Yeah I’m in one piece but uh where have you been since I last contacted you back in the village?”

“Lunch.”

‘Bastard.’ You thought while rolling your eyes at his response as Leon chuckled.

“Hey is your government pig laughing at me?!” he demanded.

“Watch your mouth there bro this government agent is Leon Kennedy from Raccoon City remember? You’re best and only friend?”

Silence on the other end of the line as Zachary then speaks up, “No fuckin’ way! Is Leon really with you?!”

The military in this fanfic-verse must be run by a herd of lemmings - he really didn't know who the other government agent was who was working with his underling (I refuse to believe she's a high rank, you can kiss the whitest part of my ass if you think I ever will). This is not how government intelligence works. They would have had information on both agents involved in the mission, damnit!

“Judge for yourself.” You respond while taking of the earpiece and handing it to Leon as he carefully holds it to his ear.

“Zachary?” Leon cautiously asked into the earpiece as you heard your brother laugh.

“Holy shit it is you Kennedy! I feel for ya man you’re paired up with my sister.”

“Hey I heard that!” you shouted.

“It’s not so bad Smith she’s a good and reliable partner to have.” Leon remarked coolly as you blushed at his opinion of you.

Since when? Let's count the number of ways she has completely fucked herself with that tell above with what she's managed to show us thus far; She's run away from a dangerous enemy (the first Dr. Salvadore that appeared in this fic) leaving Leon to face him alone if he hadn't run after her, Leon's had to constantly grab her hand and drag her around to keep tabs on her apparently and keep her out of danger, she moaned about a little rain which means she is impeding the mission of saving Ashley Graham, she gave their position away immediately in the village and I think you get my point, yes? She is not reliable or good. If anything she's the opposite. The most she's done is only to usher in her Sue-per powers via some unnamed Umbrella virus.

“Yeah you say that now but you just wait she can be as loud and annoying as-”

When hasn't she been loud and annoying thus far? Provide me examples and I will eat my words. Literally, I will write that sentence down on paper and eat them. And I don't mean pull examples out of your ass - I want examples that have appeared in previous chapters where she has done anything that can be counted as serious and proffesional. I'll wait....

You grabbed the earpiece from Leon and hooked it back onto your ear, “Kathy Griffin.”

Who the hell is Kathy Griffin? No, I'm serious. I googled her and I still don't know who she is. She has to be famous or some shit, she's apparently got a TV schedule....

And don't go bitching at me that I live under a rock for not knowing who Kathy Griffin is, alright? Fuck that noise! This is just a poor pop culture reference as far as I can tell.

“I’ll kill you for that later you bastard now tell us where we have to go.” Oh, so now you want to go out in the rain? Are you sure you won't melt in it? You responded offended by the fact that he compared you to the red-headed comedian (No offense I like the comedian.) See?! She even had to explain afterwards in her own narrative who Kathy Griffin is! If you have to explain your reference or joke THAN IT'S NOT A VERY GOOD ONE! And also the author note there was completely unnecessary! as he was telling you the way you looked at Leon’s back since he was standing up with his back towards you talking with Hunnigan.

“Karly did you hear me?” your brother demanded.

“Yeah insignia’s up ahead behind a waterfall I gotcha Zack.”

How would you even know that? Hunnigan didn't even know this information! Leon had to keep going on the path he had found and hope for the best at this point! And you know, I just had a thought - why did Leon wait until now to contact Hunnigan? That's his guide - she kind of needs to know if he's in critical condition or not and if reinforcements need to be blitzed out to his area immediately or not!

“You better have, be careful now sis. Over and out.”

“10-4.” You responded and stood up as Leon turned to look at you.

“Let’s go get the stupid key to free Ashley.” You groaned as he smiled at you.

“Don’t worry we’ll be out of here in no time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking out of the shack it was still pouring rain but you couldn’t care less, it was just rain after all.

THAN WHY DID YOU SAY THIS EARLIER?!
"You sighed and decided to change the subject, “We should rest up here for awhile just until you get your strength back.” “I feel fine.” “Well maybe you do but it’s also raining out too.”
THIS IS COMPLETELY CONTRADICTORY TO YOU POINTING OUT THAT IT WAS RAINING EARLIER WHEN LEON WAS READY AND WILLING TO GET THE MISSION BACK UNDERWAY! YOU ARE A USELESS EXCUSE FOR A CHARACTER! IN FACT YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANY NUMBER OF THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL IN THAT TIME PERIOD! YOU COULD HAVE SCOPED OUT THE IMMEDIATE AREA FOR DANGERS OR INFORMATION, YOU COULD HAVE CONTACTED YOUR BROTHER FOR INFORMATION AND TO KEEP HIM INFORMED, YOU COULD HAVE - OH, I DON'T KNOW - CHECKED LEON'S VITALS AFTER HE PASSED OUT! BUT NO! YOU DECIDE "I'mma be his pillow~! Teehee~! <3" AND NOTHING ELSE! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Fang, calm down. I got something for you.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, OKI? GO BACK TO YOUR POKEMON SPORK AND LET ME RAGE AS I LIKE!

Well, I could do that or I could drop this off for you. That and if you don't calm down you'll probably break something, so it's probably for the best. Here you are:


Feel better now?

Mmhmm~. Cap'n America can be my pillow anytime~.

" You then made your way up a dirt path only to see a villager coming towards you and Leon as you pulled out your gun and aimed at his head pulling the trigger you watched him fall to the ground.

“That was easy.” You commented but as soon as you said that his head suddenly busted open and a creature with tentacles came out you noticed that one of the tentacles was holding what seemed like a yellow dagger then the body stood up and began making its way towards the two of you once more. Has anyone else noticed that nearly all of these paragraphs are just un-Godly run-ons?

“You’re a jinx.” Leon told you with a smirk as he pulled a flash grenade of his belt and threw it to the villager. “Close your eyes sweetheart.” As soon as it exploded you shielded your eyes with your arm as Leon did the same.

Shooting down another villager and jumping across a river you and Leon came to a cliff where a rope was hanging leading down to the construction site below.

Okay! Stop! Flag on the play!

Info time! When you encounter Plagas-heads (fan-named, of course) like these they are instantly killed via a flash grenade however these two have just run into one so how did Leon know that it would instantly kill it? Never mind the fact that Gabby15cancer didn't even bother to point out that it was killed instantly, either. It was just left to the reader to assume that that's what happened - she doesn't even know if the readers know that bit of information. That's not a good method for a fanfiction writer. Sometimes people go reading fanfiction about a series with very little knowledge about it.

Likewise let's take out the reader aspect out of it. We're still left with Leon somehow knowing that the flash grenade would instantly kill it. They've had no previous run ins with these types of Ganado and we've had no mention that either he or Karla-Sue even have flash grenades in the first place. So in reality Leon would have no logical basis to assume that it would have worked at all on the creature.

It's things like this that make this fanfiction completely unbelievable and show just how poor a writer Gabby15cancer is. Even for something based on something prexisting with unnatural plot points/what-have-you you have to have the things that are still grounded in reality. Fact is always stranger than fiction, yes, but the real different between reality and fiction is that fiction has to make sense. None of this scenario does!

“It looks like they built this to move the direction of the water.” Leon commented as you shot a villager down below.

I got so hyper-focused on the Plagas-head fail I completely forget what the fuck they were talking about.

“It sure does.”

Leon then grabbed the rope about to make his way down when he turned to look at you…or more so where you had been standing. “Karla?” he called confused and worried at the same time.

“Down here!” you shouted as Leon knitted his eyebrows in confusion and looked down the cliff to see you waving up at him.

“Hi!”

“How’d you-?” he began but you cut him off by extending your arms out.

“Jump I’ll catch you!” you shouted up at him as he chuckled.


I don't care if you're Albert fucking Wesker strapped into a goddamn Iron Man suit shot full of fucking gamma radiation pounding me into submission until I admit that this is "awesome" NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM CALLING THIS OUT AS THE BULLSHIT IT IS! NOW SHE'S JUST ACTIVELY TRYING TO ONE-UP LEON TO SHOW HOW SUE-PER-SPESHUL-MEGA-AWESOME KARLA-SUE IS! IT'S NOT CUTE! IT'S NOT CLEVER! IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S ANNOYING AS HOLY HIGH HELL! Your character only ever actively does ANYTHING when it comes to showing up Leon's abilities! THE TIMES WHEN SHE COULD BE A BALANCED BAD ASS CHARACTER WITHOUT THE SUE-PER POWERS YOU DECIDED TO DO NOTHING BUT MAKE KARLA-SUE GET DRAGGED AROUND AND BE USELESS! SO FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL.

“Thanks but no thanks sweetheart, I rather live not die.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How did you do that?” he asked once he reached the bottom.

“I jumped.”

“I know that but I’m surprised you’re not a stain on the ground.”

“I can’t die remember? Not only that but…” you trailed off.


WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE CANT DIE?! FUCK YOU, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT! NO ONE IS IMMORTAL! WESKER THOUGHT HE WAS AND HE GOT HIS ASS DUMPED INTO A VOLCANO AND SHOT AT WITH DUAL ROCKET LAUNCHERS! WILLY-B (i.e. William Birkin) GOT BLOWN SKY-HIGH WITH RACCOON CITY AND A G-VIRUS INFECTEE IS A NEVER-ENDING MESS OF MONSTROUS EVOLUTION! EVEN CURTIS WAS DESTROYED AND HE WAS INFECTED WITH G-VIRUS IN DEGENERATION! LISA FUCKING TREVOR WAS KILLED IN THE BLAST IN ARKLAY MANSION! NO ONE IS IMMORTAL! EVERYONE CAN DIE IF YOU GET A BIG ENOUGH BLAST!


“But?”

“It was so fun!”

He laughed and started to walk with you close behind him.

HOW IS THIS FUNNY?! NO ONE WOULD BE LAUGHING ABOUT THIS! NO ONE! NO ONE ACTS LIKE THIS!

“It was okay.”

What's okay? I think there's a missing comma after 'was' which would have made sense. Is it just too much to ask for that people proof read their stuff or find a beta reader to help correct their grammatical errors?

“I didn’t say anything.” He said with a noticeable smirk on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After retrieving the key/insignia So is it a key or an insignia? you went through a passage and ended up underground with a river running by. After getting into another boat you stopped and after buying things from the Merchant once more and you two made your way up the stairs and through the door, crossing what seemed to be an arena of some sort you two were making their way towards the exit when the gates closed.

Just how long did this take? Because as it's written it makes it seem like this all happened in just a matter of MINUTES which I know for a fact is impossible!

“What the hell?” you mumbled.

“Karla look.” Leon says while placing a hand on your shoulder as you turned your head to where he was pointing. Ganados were pulling the doors across the large area open and seemed to be pulling something large out; suddenly a huge ogre came out immediately smashing some Ganados and killing them instantly.


What? That's more entertaining than this drivel!

“Oh. My. god.” was all you said as you saw the ogre I'm surprised she's not just calling it El Gigante as it's named right now. I mean, she already name dropped the Ganado - who you don't know are named that until nearly halfway into the game - the Bella Sisters and Dr. Salvadore. turning its attention towards you both as Leon took out his TMP When did he buy the TMP? and you pulled out both handguns. It then let out an angry roar as it grabbed a tree as though it weighed nothing at all and threw it at the two of you as Leon grabbed you and tackled you out of the way of the impact.

Once again, Leon has to grab and manhandle Karla-Sue to make sure she doesn't die. And she's supposed to be a Sergeant Major? And yes, for as long as I have to live with this fic you all get to keep hearing about the Sergeant Major thing.

You began shooting at it while rolling out of the way once in awhile to avoid getting hit with its large hand, Leon did the same as he back flipped to avoid being smashed into the ground. I don't understand what's going on here. Leon's doing flips... to avoid getting attacked? And Karla-Sue is barrel rolling? Whut? Who knew a boss fight taken straight out of the game could be so confusing to read about? Suddenly you both heard howling as you and Leon look up to see the wolf from before jump down in front of the ogre, “Hey it’s that dog.” Leon said with amusement.

“Wolf.” You corrected. Like it really fucking matters! "Oh lookit me~! Im a Sue! I can instantly tell what type of animal it is on sight like most people! You MUST call it the proper name even in this life or death situatoin!" .... ... I'm pissed, okay?

He shrugged, “Same thing.”

The plan worked as the ogre’s attention was now on the wolf you then spotted a large scar on its back as you narrowed your eyes and quickly shot at it. As soon as you did a large parasite came out of it as the ogre kneeled down in pain, Leon got the hint and quickly ran up its back while taking out his knife and began slashing and cutting at it.

After the tenth slash the ogre suddenly grabbed Leon with one of its hands and threw him into a pile of logs.

“Leon!” you cried out which was a very bad move since the ogre turned back to you, it then ran at you so fast that you jumped out of the way just as it crashed through the little shacks behind you.

You then shot at it back once more as once again the parasite came out you quickly ran up the ogre’s back and slashed at it with you’re That should be 'your', seriously get a fucking beta reader! Swiss army knife. It attempted to grab you but you back flipped off and landed on the ground just in time.

“Okay you big ugly disaster,” you say while putting away your knife and taking out your shotgun while reloading it. “Let’s rock and roll.” You say while sliding it. Sliding what in? And I'm almost afraid to ask that as my mind instantly rushes straight to the gutter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Let’s rock and roll?” Leon questioned as you mixed a green and red herb into a concoction while applying it onto his head wound.

“Well what would you have said?” you asked him as he shrugged.

“You’re going down.”

So... wait, we once again just skip over the end of the situation? Are we EVER going to get to see any situation played out from start to finish in its entirety in this stupid fanfiction?

“No one says that anymore Kennedy.”

“What happened to the wolf?”

“Who? Snowy?”

He raised a brow at you, “Snowy? You named that mutt Snowy?”

You then applied pressure against his arm wound while applying the medicine on it which caused him to flinch in pain.

“Yes. His name is Snowy you got a problem with that?”

Is any of this relevant to the story? No? Then why am I sitting through it? Oh, because apparently it's important for Karla-Sue as the RE-universe now suddenly revolves around her! Let's not see how battles conclude or how they're taking their job seriously when Karla-Sue can just sit around and banter with Leon in the most dry and contrived way possible!

He huffed as you got up along with him and the two of you began walking back to the church and as soon as you came up to the trail you heard growling nearby and up ahead you saw three wolves blocking your path.

“Aw, they must be Snowy’s friends.” You say about to walk up to them but Leon held you back by grabbing your upper arm.

“Were. They look infected just like the villagers.”

Damn, I was hoping this would be a repeat of my niece's playthrough of RE4. Basic runthrough of what happened there:
Infected wolf appears, she stops Leon and points at the TV screen "Oh, lookit! It's my doggy!" Said 'doggy' proceeds to eat Leon's face off.

You can see why I got my hopes up, yes?

He remarked while pulling you behind him as he brought out his TMP. “Karla stay behind me.”

You gave him an annoyed look as he looked back at you, “Are you forgetting that I’m not a normal girl?” No, because you won't LET us forget it. You throw a tantrum when you're not acknowledged as Sergeant Major, you throw about your Sue-per powers every chance you get to upstage Leon - in fact that's all you do. You play damsel in distress with Leon pulling you around and then you piss and moan about it and try to play it up like your some kind of bad ass. It doesn't work that way. Because all we've seen is a bratty, immature, and unintelligent character.

“I didn’t forget I just want you to hold out on using your powers until you know how to control them okay?”


“Fine.” You huffed And there's that attitude again. This time it's even rearing its ugly head after you were denied the use of your Sue-per powers to show off. This only goes to help prove my point, you realize this, right? while saluting him with two fingers, “God speed Kennedy.”

He smirked at you while he pulled the trigger and began to shoot the wolves down one by one, until finally they dissolved into the ground just like the villagers. Finally walking up to the church you placed the key where it needed to be and entered the small building while looking around since it was two stories.

“Karla I found a ladder.” Leon said as he climbed up then you which would have been nothing out of the ordinary if you would’ve stopped looking at his butt.


You blush as you then climbed to the top and followed Leon to where a mechanical devise laid, you left him doing the puzzle as you looked around and saw a black gate blocking your way to a large red door. ‘She’s most likely in here.’ You thought to yourself as suddenly the gate went up and you saw Leon walking next to you as you went up the steps and opened the door.

Time apparently has no meaning in this series. Because once again I get the impression that that happened in mere seconds.

You dodged a stick that missed you’re face as you looked back to the person that threw it. Actually it was more like a 2x4, don't start downplaying Ashley already. At least she's less annoying than you.

“Don’t come!” the blonde girl cried out in fright.

“Ashley!” Leon said putting is gun away. "Putting his gun away", "putting his gun away" - can we get any variation in this fic? Ever? Seriously, it's like this with everything in this fanfiction. There's no variation on anything.

She threw another stick at Leon this time as he dodged it, “Hey take it easy.” He said calmly.

“No get away!” she now cowered in front of barrels as you sighed in pity as Leon kneeled in front of her.

“Calm down everything’s gonna be just fine I’m Leon and this is Karla,” he said gesturing to you. “We’re under the President’s orders to rescue you.”

I love how Karla-Sue does absolutely nothing to try and rectify Ashley's fears. No comforting words, no informing her, nothing. She leaves it all to Lean as Karla-Sue just sits there and pities Ashley. At least Ashley actually does something later in the game when she's separated from Leon without having Sue-per powers to rely on!

That seemed to get her to believe him as her brown eyes sparkled up at him, “What? My father?”

“That’s right and we have to get you out of here come on.” He said while helping her up and the three of you exited out of the room and went down the ladder well more like Leon caught Ashley as she jumped while you decided to just jump down. I'm surprised she didn't take the chance to get jealous over Ashley. Most Suethors can't wait to throw in the jealousy card when it comes to the Sue's love interest interacting with other females - especially canon characters that are often shipped with the love interest. The three of you then went towards the way you had come in when a chilling voice stopped you in your tracks.

“I’ll take the girl.”

Thank God, another fucking chapter done! Or your God of choice! I don't mean to discriminate here! Just be sure that the next time you go to fucking church or synagogue to thank your God of choice for the fact that I finally caught afucking break and the chapter ended! I mean, God damnit, this one seemed to keep going on and on and on like the stupid Enegizer Bunny!