Illegal Operations: Project K Sporking/Review [23]

Krauser: Why am I here, kid? I've got better things to do.

Fang: Because I needed someone to suffer with me; misery loves company and all that.

Krauser: If this turns out as badly as it sounds I'm making you pay for it.

Fang: Oh? Gonna beat me up?

Krauser: Most likely. I hope you're good at dodging knives, kid.

Fang: Awwwww, sad face.... As long as I know what's comin' to me!

~Project K~ {Leon S. Kennedy} Pt.23 Krauser Vs. Leon

“I’m not sure about this Leon.”

Fang: Not sure about this Leon? Well, how about that Leon? Or those Leons? We've got all the Leons you could possibly want all for the price of $39.99 if you call now!

Krauser: Kid, that was a horrible joke and you should feel horrible about it.

Fang: Hey, I haven't bitched about the lack of proper comma placement yet! Besides you're just mad that I priced Leon so high. No need to worry, my love, you're $99.99!

Krauser: .... .... .... I feel strangely violated.

Leon turned around to look at you as you two were about to step on the elevator, he seemed to be eyeing you as though you were just bluffing. When he saw that you weren’t his eyes softened and he placed a hand on your shoulder tentatively.

Krauser: Is it always this sickening to read?

Fang: Usually, yes. I'd get used to that feeling. It won't be going away anytime soon.

“You’re never sure about anything anymore, whatever happened to army pride?”

Krauser: This little snot-nosed brat has no army pride and Kennedy would know that. To say that she does is an insult to the army itself.

“It was lost when we landed here.”

Fang:

Krauser: Wasn't she just going on about how she was a Sergeant Major or something? I recall you were fond of shoving those under my nose to look at before we started this thing.

Fang: That's why it's so funny! This entire time she's gone on and on about how she's a Sergeant Major and should be treated as such and revered and respected because of it despite acting nothing like someone who should be respected much less revered would act. The hypocrisy is just rich!

He chuckled and the two of you stepped onto the elevator once it rose to its stop Leon got off as you followed soon after unaware to the danger lurking about.

Fang: Oh, bad writing and second person point of view - don't you love it?

You heard the faint whooshing sound as Leon continued onto the middle of the metal platform oblivious to the sound you had just heard.

Fang: This just in; Karla is apparently a bat!

Krauser: *snorts* How in the hell does that even begin to make any sense?

Fang: Because she heard a sound Leon didn't! Meaning she's got supersonic bat-like hearing!

Krauser: .... .... ....

Fang: That was bad, I'm sorry....

Krauser: That'a girl.

Slowly your hand reached for your pistol but it stopped as soon as a metal object was placed at your throat.

“Don’t even think about it.” The dangerous voice threatened.

Fang: Did she just seriously make you take precedence over Leon for her?

Krauser: I'm going to kill someone for this.

Fang: Oh! I volunteer Karla-Sue!

Krauser: That's the best idea I've heard from you all night.

Leon however sensed something was amiss.

Krauser: You mean to tell me he didn't even hear me speak? Feh! He's really lost his touch since the Javier Mission.

Fang: Nah, it's just the Sue. She sucks out all intelligence from the minds of those around her to make herself look good, you know.

He pulled out his knife and spun around to see you standing there alone, about to tuck his knife back he peers up and dodges the attack just as the man came down.

Fang: Apparently you make one hell of a ninja, Krauser. Not only did Leon not hear you threaten Karla-Sue but you managed to take Karla up into the rafters without the sounds of struggle.

Krauser: .... I'm suddenly very worried as to why this little brat didn't struggle or scream....

Fang: Oh.... Oh! .... OH! Krauser, I am so sorry! Not only does Leon not deserve the Sue sinking her claws into him you of all people definitely don't deserve it!

Leon crouched on the ground while peering down at the cut on his right cheek,

Fang: How do you see a cut on your own cheek? How is that even possible?

glaring at the attacker he wiped it off with the back of his hand. The attacker however went back to keeping the knife at your throat.

Fang: Krauser, you got skills if you managed to do all that acrobatic shit and to nick Leon while holding onto dead weight the entire time.

Krauser: Fang, I am going to kill you for dragging me into this.

Fang: Awww, would it make you feel better if I gave you a kiss?

Krauser: ... I feel there's no safe answer to that.

Fang: Awww, you've offended me! How rude! Haha

“Been a long time, comrade.” The attacker spoke as Leon stood up straight.

“Krauser.” Leon said in still surprise but it quickly turned into accusation.

“I died two years ago in a car crash, is that what they told you?” Krauser said pressing the knife deeper into your throat.

Fang: It was a car crash? I always assumed you just said 'the crash.'

Krauser: That's because I did. What the hell kind of car crash would be able to take me out?

“You’re the one that kidnapped Ashley.” Leon accused, carefully he made contact with your eyes as you held your breath.

Krauser: Holding her breath? What in the...?

Fang: I don't - just what?

“You catch on quick as expected after all you and I know where we come from.” Suddenly he removed the knife from your throat and he ended up stabbing you in the back while throwing you to the side so hard that you had hit you’re head on the railing while you slumped to the floor unconscious.

Fang: Oh my God, forever yes! Krauser with that one action you have forever earned my love!

Krauser: *smirks* I don't know about that love bullshit you're spouting there, but I certainly feel accomplished.

“Karla!” Leon called out but he couldn’t get over to you since Krauser was right in front of him trying to slice Leon with the knife, he too tried to take a stab at Krauser but he dodged too and the two dangerously circled one another.

“What do you want?”

Fang: A kinkfest orgy with you and Chris! Let your mind party with that for awhile.

Krauser:

Fang: Hey! What was that for?!

Krauser: You promised you wouldn't make any slash jokes, kid. For each one you make I'm going to hit you.

Fang: Aww, c'mon! They're horrid, I know, but they're keeping me (somewhat) sane here!

Krauser smirked as he swiped at Leon, while the agent proved to be quicker. “The sample Saddler developed that’s all.” They’re weapons came into close contact with each other with a sharp swipe.

Fang: .... That sounds so very wrong....

Krauser: Damnit, kid, I don't need those thoughts in my head.

Leon let out a huff, “Leave Ashley outta this.”

“Oh I needed her to buy Saddler’s trust in me, like you I’m American.” Krauser retorted while kicking a barrel attempting to hit Leon with it but he swiped it out of the way. Once again they’re knives came into close contact as Krauser rolled forward and Leon back flipped.

Krauser: I'm getting tired of the word "knives."

Fang: You and me both, love.

They ended up with they’re backs to each other, feet flat on the floor as the two slowly mirrored one another while rising up.

“You got her involved just for that?!” Leon demanded angrily. “Why does Karla have a part of this?!”

Fang: Usually it's just infuriating but this time the sudden interest into Karla again was just so pathetic and shoe-horned in it was kind of funny. And not in the good way.

Krauser smirked, “You really don’t know? Karla is Wesker’s project.”

Krauser: Why would Wesker want this bratty girl for a project?

Fang: As soon as you figure that out be sure to let me know, alright?

That was all that was needed to light the fire, so to say, as Leon charged forward attacking Krauser with the knife. The two continued on as they’re knives clashed like two swords in the night. Hand squeezing one hand they both were facing each other in pure hatred. “Karla belongs to no one; she’s not Wesker’s.”

Fang: I'm still confused as to why Karla-Sue is so damn important.

Krauser: I'm convinced there is no reason other than to feel better about herself.

Leon spoke venomously but Krauser spun around and kicked Leon to the ground as Leon peered up at him.

“All for Umbrella’s sake.” Krauser spoke coolly not caring what Leon had said earlier.

Fang: And now we're back to zero transition between subjects in the dialogue.

Krauser: I take it this happens often.

Fang: You have no idea. No idea. None of the ideas!

“Umbrella?” Leon asked in surprise.

“Almost let it slipped enough talk die comrade!” Krauser said before leaping onto him while slowly inching the knife towards him, as Leon in return struggled to keep Krauser from stabbing him.

Fang:

Krauser: What is your problem now?

Fang: At the risk of getting hit; the phallic imagery from that last paragraph is so horrid! It's like I'm reading a slashfic! OW! Stop hitting me! You asked!

Krauser: You also didn't have to answer and I didn't hit you that hard. Stop whining.

The barrel that was kicked towards Leon earlier now knocked Krauser off of him. Startled Leon looked to his right to see you in an upright position with your arm outstretched in front of you.


Krauser: I'd rather have been hit by that bitch in the red dress.

Krauser blinked and soon enough he was standing with his knife clutched tightly in his right hand he charged over to you, scared you reached for your pistol but a hail of bullets stopped Krauser from getting to you.

Both men looked up to see Ada Wong standing above you, gun raised.


Fang: I hate everything.

“Ada!” Leon shouted while quickly getting to his feet.

“Well, if it isn’t the bitch in the red dress.” Krauser commented angrily.

Said woman peered down at you as you looked up at her, “Looks like we have the upper hand here.” She directed towards Leon but she kept her gaze on you.

Fang: Umm... why? Why would she keep looking at Karla?

Krauser chuckled and back flipped up to the ceiling platform across from you three while glaring down at Leon, “You may be able to prolong your life but it’s not like you can escape your inevitable death now is it? If I won’t kill you,” he then looked over to you as you caught his gaze. “She will.” His departing words left you feeling hurt and insulted as he made his escape. This wouldn’t be the last you would see of Jack Krauser.

Krauser/Fang:

Ada jumped down and landed beside you as she kneeled down next to you, “Don’t feel hurt by him, he’s the fool not you.”

Fang: I've never hated Ada more than I do now.

Krauser: That's something that we can agree on.

Fang: I mean WHAT THE EVER-FLYING FUCK? Why would Ada care about this Karla-bitch in the first place!? What purpose is there behind it?! NONE! That's what! Absolutely NONE! And this is BULLSHIT!

You looked at her but didn’t say anything, you still didn’t trust the woman, and she sensed this but she smiled nonetheless. “Do you feel okay? How are your powers?”

Fang: Why is she asking about how her powers are?! What in the fuck is even going on here?!

Krauser: Easy, kid. I don't want to have to drag you to the hospital for an aneurism from this.

You scoffed, “Nice for small talk. I’m not telling you a thing.”

“Suit yourself.” She said before standing up and walking over to Leon while she holstered her gun. “You knew each other?”

“More or less,” he responded while grabbing his knife and turning to her. “Maybe it’s about time you told me the reason why you’re here.”

“Maybe some other time.” She responded while going the opposite way and jumping off the railing.

He shrugged and walked over to you as he sheathed his knife and at the same time placed his hands on your waist while pulling you up. “Another power.” He stated.

You nod, “Unfortunately.”

Krauser/Fang:

Krauser: What power? She threw a barrel at me. How frightening. Any moron can do that.

Fang: That's what I'm saying! What the fuck could possibly have arisen now?! We've seen NOTHING that displays anything like a power in the above scenes! We weren't even clued into a new one coming around! She's just pulling shit straight out her ass and I won't sit around quietly while she does!

Your eyes were on the verge of tears and even though you didn’t want Leon to see, he saw them anyways.

“Why are you crying?” he asked softly while wiping them away.

Fang: Because she's a wuss.

“I don’t want to kill you.” You said and Leon glared to the side before looking back at you with a smile.

“You won’t sweetheart; you’re not a killing machine.”

“Still…”

“Don’t let what Krauser said get to you, he’s a,” he stopped before blinking twice. “Duchebag.”

Krauser: Since when does Kennedy cuss like that?

Fang: Never. He's just horrendously out of character - though I will say seeing her spelling of 'douchebag' is hilarious to me.

You couldn’t keep the smile form your face as you busted out laughing so hard that you nearly choked. Leon was confused nonetheless.

Fang: Uhm.... Krauser? Do you have any idea about what she's laughing about?

Krauser: I'm as lost as you are, kid.

“What’s so funny?”

“Y-You said D-Duchebag!!!” Leon Kennedy cocked an eyebrow before smiling as you continued on laughing. Making you laugh had become a success.


All the laughing came to an end when Leon’s radio went off.

“Enjoy the reunion with your friend?” Saddler’s voice was heard and Leon scowled.

“As a matter of fact I did.”

“Wonderful, I wouldn’t want my special guests on the island feeling unattended.”

“Guess we’re supposed to thank you right?”

“Ah…I have an idea, since you two are here why don’t I introduce you to ‘IT’ it should keep you and Ms. Smith busy.”

“Can’t remember the name huh? A senior moment perhaps?”

Saddler chuckled shaking off the comment, “Enjoy the fun.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m flexible, but I’m not that flexible.” You stated out loud as you watched the orange lasers in front of you danced into many shapes.

“It’s a piece of cake…follow my lead.”

You scrunched up your nose and looked at him, “In case you forgot…you have no lives left Mr. Kitty.”

Krauser: *look of disgust* "Mr.... Kitty...?"

Fang:

Leon grinned while wrapping an arm around your waist, “I’m indestructible then sweetheart.”

You two went through the lasers unscathed and with the next set you two had to be apart from each other to dodge them easily. Finally making it towards the exit you press the green button which set off another thing of lasers to head your guys’ way. Nodding to you, you both waited until they neared closer and finally you two ran up the side of the wall and were able to dodge them as they finally dispersed.

Krauser: It must take a very special lack of talent to achieve this level of boring with action scenes.

Going through the double doors you notice a throne in the middle of the room, looking over at Leon you shrug and carefully sat on it, making sure to not set off any traps. Sure enough nothing happened.

“I feel like a Queen.” You mumbled harshly.

“A Queen?”

“Yeah…I feel like Zachary.”

Leon rolled his eyes, “Oh, that kind of queen.”


You smiled innocently while getting up and letting him have a seat in it. He sat down with his elbow on the arm rest, chin resting on his knuckles, and one leg folded over the other. A couple of minutes later, he got up and stretched which gave you the perfect view of his perfect form.

“Done admiring sweetheart?”

“Stop you’re killing my buzz.”

Fang: Krauser, I'm just going to stare at you for awhile and drown out this stupidity with your epic amounts of sexy. Sound good?

Krauser: .... I don't know whether to feel flattered or creeped out here, kid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Whadya buyin’?”

“Whadya sellin’?” you asked in the same British tone of his.

“He, he got a nice gun for ya Lady Stranger, a Killer7.” The Merchant said while flashing the said gun.

“Ooooh…I like. I’ll give you the Broken Butterfly for it.”

“He, he thank you.”

Fang: Krauser, if I find you something blunt will you strike me with it until I stop moving?

Krauser: That bad, eh?

Fang: Yep.

Leon looked at you from across the cave as he leaned casually up against it with one leg up and his arms crossed, and a look of deep thought. He was curious as to what Ada had said to you earlier, that and of you’re new power. He could handle this. You weren’t a freak because you had powers and he didn’t care about them. Leon would make sure Wesker wouldn’t lay a finger on you, over his dead body.

Fang: I love how Leon has absolutely no issues with Karla's powers in this. Granted he didn't seem to have any problems with Manuela's powers either but in Darkside Chronicles we don't hear his thoughts - only Krauser's in some special chapters one can unlock. For all we know he could have been having a few misgivings himself.

Krauser: You seem to be having a problem with this Leon's complete acceptance of this brat's powers. So tell me, you're always calling me "love", what do you think of my powers?

Fang: You are a freak, love, but I've long since made peace with that.

Krauser: You answered that pretty quickly....

“Leon!”

Your voice snapped him out of his deep thoughts.

“Let’s go we have an annoying blonde to save ya know.”

Fang: And look at that! We're back to the Ashley Abuse!

“Yeah, yeah I heard you.” He mumbled while stepping away from the wall to follow you out of the cave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The beeping sound was heard and Leon followed it only to see that the tracker he had put on Ashley was now before him in the water puddle. “Damn.” He cursed while picking it up and examining it.

A beeping from your earpiece rang in and immediately you knew it was Zachary, “Hello brother dearest.”

“I’m sorry you mustn’t mistake me for him.” A chilling voice spoke through your ear as you eyed Leon’s back…he hadn’t heard it.

Fang: It's Wesker, isn't it?

Krauser: You sure about that one, kid?

Fang: When you've read as many bad fics as I have you start to pick up the patterns quickly.

“Who is this?” you whispered carefully so that Leon wouldn’t hear you.

Fang: Leon must just have cotton balls stuffed in his ears when it's convenient to the plot that he not hear anything. Also; it's Wesker, asshat.

“I don’t answer questions, but you should know already…Project K.” his voice seemed so familiar, and yet you couldn’t place it. “Don’t tell me you had forgotten already my dear? My…other enemies haven’t.”

Fang: IT'S WESKER! STOP DRAGGING IT OUT!

Your breath had caught in your throat as you tried to gulp while your heartbeat quickened with each short breath…you knew who it was. “Wesker, ex-S.T.A.R.S. Captain.” You answered dangerously as you hear him chuckle.

“So you know my history, I’m not surprised. The only ones who knew me as Captain of S.T.A.R.S. was an annoying pest named Chris Redfield along with his sister, as well as another thorn in my side named Jill Valentine.” His voice was threatening, his voice was deadly but his past deed was an unforgettable horror, only Redfield and Valentine know of him. The Tyrant named Wesker.

Fang: You and Ada are chopped liver I see.

Krauser: Tch! Apparently working directly for the man merits no mention.

“Valentine…” you remembered her vaguely.

“Oh yes, indeed, I’m surprised that you know of her.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” you spat with hatred.

Fang: He.... He didn't ask any questions, why would that question be a valid response?

“Some other time my dear, oh and if you want to save your government lap dog than I suggest you dodge the creature in five seconds.”

“What?” the connection was lost as something came crashing through the wall to your left. You had barely enough time to roll Leon out of the way and into a cargo container that was hanging to your right.

Looking before you in horror…IT stood there.


Krauser: So I can get out of here, right?

Fang: Sadly, yes. But don't rejoice too soon, love, if I need your services again you'll be right back here in the Sporking Room with me~!

Krauser: Great....