Illegal Operations: Project K Sporking/Review [06]

~Project K~ {Leon S. Kennedy} Pt.6 Hell no...

I see we've progressed from what's in the chapters pertaining to the chapter title to merely a reaction to what's in the chapter for a chapter title. Neither are great methods.

“Karla!” Leon called out to you as you suddenly got a grip back on reality without dropping the force field you ran up to the chainsaw Ganado and shot him multiple times in the head until he finally collapsed…dead on the ground.

All of my hatred.... I mean, really? A fucking force field? Of all things? *headdesk*

The force field went down as Leon picked up his gun and looked at you still, as you lowered your gun and put it away. You looked away from Leon as guilt took over, sure he was alive but you didn’t know if he was scared of you or not.

“Karla, its okay I’m not scared or anything just surprised is all.” He said as though reading your mind.

Because this is fucking normal. Just.... All of the ways this sucks ass....

“It’s not that Leon the fact that I have powers terrifies me to death. Who knows if I lose control and I might kill-” Leon didn’t let you finish that sentence as he comes up to you and surprisingly to you he embraces you in a hug.

Let's face it, people, this is pretty much what this has boild down to:

There's no real conflict involved, Leon's not worried about it like a normal fucking person would be. Since he's not worried or scared about it then it's not going to generate any conflict. This is just a sad attempt to get some pity-lovin' for Karla-Sue and to show how she's quote-on-quote "terrif[ied]" even though we haven't seen any indication of this before up until WHEN SHE JUST TOLD US.

“I won’t let you lose control I promise, don’t worry about it okay?”

I would imagine being kidnapped as a child and experimented on to gain such hellish-demon-powers would be something one would typically worry about. But what am I saying? Everyone in this fanfiction is a dumpass. Kid gets kidnapped? "Eh, I just won't call the authorities or ever explain what happened! :D" Bear trap wound heals in less than an hour? "Oh! Neat-o! This sure is strange! :D" Can create forcefields? "Psshaw! This is pleasant surprise! :D"

he whispers into your ear as you suddenly feel a blush creep onto your face. Your attitude decides to come back as you shove him off of you not roughly though, don’t want to be viewed as a bitch by your love interest…oh, wait, sorry I mean partner.


He looked at you slightly confused and fully concerned as you shook your head at the dumbfounded agent, as a smile crept up on your face. “Don’t go soft on me Kennedy we need to find the girl who got us into this mess.”

He shook his head in agreement, “I agree.”

I love how Ashely, the President's daughter, takes a back seat to Karla. Because that's not annoying, unrealistic and Sue-ish at all!

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More so ‘oh lovely village people’ met you two at the bottom of the trail but successfully you and Leon got through them all without breaking much of a sweat. Re-entering the village more showed up as you readied yourself, well Leon had other intentions as he grabs you by your hand and makes you two run to the church.

You know, Resident Evil is supposed to be a horror franchise - meaning the fight scenes can be reproduced in fanfiction to be tense, high-strung and action-packed to reflect that. There's so much potentional that can be used for fight scenes involving the strange parasitic Ganado in this and yet it's completely glossed over! ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! THIS IS FUCKING BORING!

He then patted his pockets in search of something when he quickly turned to you, “Karla quick! You have the key open the door!” Because apparently all Leon is good for in this fanfic is dragging the SERGEANT MAJOR SUE around when she can't protect herself and getting into danger that brings out her powers. Every other time Karla-Sue shines and takes the stage to show how *~bad ass~* she is supposed to be. All this does is fall flat on its face. he then got out the shotgun When the hell did Leon get a shotgun in this fic? and began shooting down the Ganados one by one as you looked at the back of his head oddly, he shifts his eyes towards you and reloads at the same time. “What are you waiting for?! Hurry private!”

“Hey! Sergeant Major!” you say while folding your arms refusing to listen to him.

Ggh! .... FUCKING REALLY?!


THIS IS A FUCKING DANGEROUS ZONE! YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY ENEMIES WITH A FINITE AMOUNT OF AMMUNITION! YET YOU ACT LIKE A FUCKING BRAT JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU SHOULD BE RESPECTED AS A "SERGEANT MAJOR" WHEN I STILL HAVE YET TO SEE JUST WHY YOU DESERVE THIS RANK! YOU'RE IMMATURE! YOU'RE A BRAT! AND YOU'RE USELESS! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL THE WAY TO HELL YOU LITTLE PUKE-STAIN!


You had to suppress a laugh because the look on Leon’s face was priceless he slightly glared at you while shooting down a woman Ganado coming towards him with a butcher knife, “Listen you. Get the damn key out and unlock that door right now or I’ll leave you here for Dr. Salvador and the Bella Sisters so they can take care of you themselves and trust me their deadly choice of weapons are-”

What? Bella Sisters? Dr. Salvadore? No! Leon doesn't KNOW that's what they're called! While the chainsaw-wielding Ganado-male is named Dr. Salvadore it's never stated in the game! Leon never calls him that! Likewise WE'RE AT A POINT IN THE GAME WHERE THE BELLA SISTERS - a couple of chainsaw-wielding female Ganado - HAVEN'T APPEARED YET! They appear only after the cabin-scene with Luis and Ashley and that's only if you take the left path that's presented to you afterwards! The other two Bella sisters appear in Ada's side story on her way to the Church and in the caves in the valley!

He was cut off when you and him both heard a chainsaw being revved up as three Ganado women with bloody bandages covering their faces but not their eyes or mouths came from behind the barn and began making their way towards you two.

... ... ... ...


¡“Mate a los americanos!” they screamed while holding their chainsaws above their heads.

“Shit.” You cursed as you turned back around to the church door and began patting your pockets with haste for the key. ‘Come on! You’ve gotta be here somewhere!’ the chainsaws were heard coming closer as a mix of gunshots were also heard as Leon cursed and reloaded with haste.

You know, on top of the poor writing overall it really doesn't help that the author of this little fanfic doesn't use varying sentence patterns much less changing up her wording every so often. It amounts to just reading the same simple words used over and over again. This would have been a good time when thesaurus usage could have saved face. On top of it the varying sentence patterns would have helped to cut back on all the long run-on sentences that run rampant in this fanfiction.

Because of these issues it makes action scenes that do actually appear in this fic appear dry and boring to read.

They were beginning to close in on him as he glared at them and while sweat escaped down his face, “Open the door!!!” he shouted to you.

“I’m trying!” your fingers then gripped around a cold metal object as you retrieved it from your front pocket and clumsily began trying to fit it in the key hole. You were nervous and that was because you could hear them laughing as their chainsaws added to the unsettling noise. They just want a taste of Sue-meat is all! You won't deprive them of that, will you?

“Open the door!! Now!!” he shouted again and if on cue the key went inside the key hole and unlocked the door, you pushed it in and grabbed Leon by his arm just in time as the chainsaws sliced through thin air, then you dragged him inside and firmly shut the door just as Leon went in. You sighed in relief as you let your back slide back against the metal door of the church.

“Thanks.” He breathed out while looking around the small front room. “Almost killed by chainsaws twice, and you saved my neck twice. I owe you Karla.”


You waved him off as a smirk came on your face, “Its thanks for the boulder incident and the bear trap.”

He nodded as he sat down upon a chair while looking at you as you had closed your eyes and took a few moments to catch your breath. Once the two of you had calmed you followed your partner through another door as it lead into a closet space, he then lifted up a board and jumped down not bothering to use the ladder. You look down at him as he looks up at you with outstretched arms, “Very funny Kennedy.”

“I’m serious, jump I’ll catch you sweetheart.”

Seriously? Did he just call you a pet name?

I think I need a drink.... Oh god...

Shaking your head you decided to let him have his way as you jump into his awaiting arms he caught you as though you weighed nothing at all and firmly placed you onto your feet. “Nice catch.” You compliment him as he smirks.

You know, it's one thing for Leon to catch Ashley as she jumps - she's not trained to jump from such high heights and they are in a hurry. It'd be easy for her to hurt herself if he didn't catch her. BUT KARLA-SUE HAS GONE THROUGH BASIC TRAINING AND SHE IS A SERGEANT MAJOR ON TOP OF IT! SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT! THIS IS JUST SO THAT KARLA-SUE CAN HAVE THE EXCUSE OF JUMPING INTO LEON'S ARMS (quite literally in this instance) WITHOUT SEEMING LIKE A SLUT! FUCK YOU!

You lead the way through the narrow passage way as you curiously shot at the red overhead oil lamp while it crashed to the ground you shot at the ceiling as two spinels fell. You heard a gunshot and it didn’t come from your gun, you turn to see Leon bent over retrieving an item from the floor. You perked up an eyebrow as he turned back to you while grabbing your hand and placing something in it, you looked at him as he walked past you with a smirk on his face. You then turn to your hand and gaped at what he gave you; it was a very beautiful elegant headdress with a rare blue jewel set in it.

What is it with Suethors and making the love interest give them shiny, valuable things? Whatever happened to small, not-so-shiny gifts that mean more due to emotional attachments or memories related to the gift? Or is that just too old-fashioned now-a-days?

“Come on Karla.” He called out to you as you nodded while placing the treasure in your leg pocket and jogging over to him. The two of you reached the end of the passage way only to be greeted by the Merchant once again.

“Hello strangers.”

I don't know whether to count it as lazy or just poor writing that the Merchant's accent hasn't been noted at all.... Hell, his dialogue isn't even written to match the accent like most RE4 writers attempt.

You gave Leon the two spinels and then remembered the headdress you dug into your pocket and handed it to him but he pushed your hand back. “I gave that to you, unless you don’t want it.”

You smiled and shook your head as you shoved the headdress back into your pocket, he upgraded his weapons as well as your shotgun as the two of you went through the door. As the two of you exited you look up on a hill to see the church where Ashley was being held in, the cemetery just gave a creepy setting to the atmosphere as well as the church.

Here we are presented with more tell and no show - it's a common symptom in Suthor writings. We're merely told that the cemetary is creepy but a talented writer would have been able to show that without even using the word. Maybe talk about how a fog hung in the air or a certain chill seemed to spread over their bodies at the sight of it.

“Hay el hombre y la mujer les mata!” a woman villager screeched as she suddenly appeared from a shack. Before she had time to swipe at you, you quickly shot her down in the head as she fell to the ground dead. This is the same character who's had to be dragged around by the hand to keep her from being killed a handful of times. Consistancy, we lack it! Another gunshot was heard and you turned to see Leon killing another Ganado you wanted to check the shack but Leon soon grabbed you by the wrist and hauled you up the trail to the church.

“You can let go now Kennedy.” You say to him as he lets go of you. The two of you finally come up to the church only to greeted by more villagers not wanting anymore of this you shot them down before Leon had a chance.

Of course you would. Because you just have to shine more than the canon characters. You know, it's entirely possible to make a fan character for a fanfiction that is balanced and can hold his/her own without having to outshine the canon characters at what they do at every chance. And yeah, I know, someone's going to cry 'blasphemy' on that and decry that all fan characters in fanfictions that are paired up with canon characters in relationships is automatically bad or a Mary-Sue - whatever. Just get your digs in in the comments below and move along, rockers.

You then went up to the door but found that it needed a type of insignia to unlock the doors.

“Damn it all to hell!” you shout while stomping your feet. Really? Foot stomping? That is so bratty, I don't even....

“Looks like we’re gonna have to find the key.” Leon remarks while getting out his communicator to talk with Hunnigan.

You mock him in a very childish voice as he acknowledges you with a small glare,


Why? Why does the writer of this assume that Sergeant Majors IN THE ARMY act this way? It makes my brain twitch painfully in protest!

just how long would it be for you to find the damn key, rescue Ashley, and just go home to your nice warm apartment? Who knows but you weren’t really the patient type in certain situations. And that statement right there - "you weren't really the patient type in certain situations" - only helps to further my case that this character has no business being a Sergeant Major. At all. Leon finally got off and nodded to you as you followed him down the trail next to the church.

(Blah, Blah, Blah skipping to the part near the lake…)

*eye twitch* ... ... ... ... *deep, slow breath* ... FUCKING REALLY?! BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN SKIPPING AROUND LA-DEE-FUCKING-DA BEFOREHAND! NOW YOU GIVE US THE COURTESY TO SAY WHAT YOU'RE SKIPPING TO! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ACTION YOU JUST SHOT THROUGH IN ONE FOUL SWOOP? WHAT THE HELL!? YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT! WRITING DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

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After killing the many villagers who poorly tried to kill you and Leon you two went up the path and quickly ducked behind the rock overlooking a large lake, Leon quickly We've just been subjected to two 'quickly's in short proximity to each other and in the same run-on. This is the mark of bad writing, rockers. took out his binoculars to view out on the lake where a boat was. Leon furrowed his brows when he saw the two villagers dump the cop from earlier into the lake, and as soon as they did that they quickly took off.

“Lemme see.” You hissed at him as he tossed you the binoculars and as soon as you viewed through them you saw a gigantic monster come out of the lake and eat the body. “Holy crackers…the big thing just ate that cop.” You said in shock.

Ho-Holy crackers? Fucking really? Now, I know I'm not a model citizen when it comes to a 'clean mouth' but really? This is ridiculous. You are in a dangerous situation surrounded by hostiles with only one ally to rely on throughout the mission as far as you know and when you witness a giant lake-residing Nightmare-Monster you're reaction is "holy crackers"? I'm suddenly reminded of Lewis Black....

Leon nodded and took back his binoculars he then looked at you as you turned your head to him. A smirk forms on his face as you finally get the hint.

“Hell no.”

“Come on Karla it’s not like you can die remember?”

And with just that one reply Leon has officially killed any hope I had....

“Hell no.” you repeated.

“Don’t make me drag you myself because I can and will do it.”

When did Leon get to be such a man-handler? Seriously the only time we really see Leon drag or tug anyone around is on two instances that I can recall. Once in RE4 when towards the end he had to tug Ashley down into a giant drop or else she never would have done it. The second was in the CG movie Degeneration when he and Angela landed heavily on top of one another and he rolled them out of the way without warning because a giant piece of medal was going to land and impale them both if he didn't. Leon doesn't man-handle people. He just doesn't.

“Forget you Kennedy, I can handle the chainsaws and the crazy people but going up against a monster that is like bigger than us is the most stupid thing we can do!”

And suddenly Karla's turned into, like, a total valley gurl~! Heeheehee!

“Okay I warned you.” He says nonchalantly as he stands up and towers over your small frame.

.... .... .... I suddenly have no desire to keep reading.... That sounded remarkably rape-tastic.

“Hey! What are you-!”

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“I hate you its official I hate you. I knew coming on this mission with a government agent was going to be a nightmare.”

“And I knew that coming on this mission with a cute chick from the army was a dream come true.”

Seriously, Leon does not speak like this! He's a bit corny yes ("Your right hand comes off?" anyone?) but he's got some dignity!

“Keep dreaming Kennedy.” You growl as he was walking down the path towards the dock with you draped over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.


You really had no choice in the matter sure you had freaky powers now Lest we forget about those! Can't have that happen! Gotta point them out so the audience can all remember how super-speshul awesome Karla is! but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to actually use them on him.

Suddenly without warning he threw you into the boat as though you really were just a sack of potatoes. “Hey bastard warn me next time.” You say while rubbing your head he jumped in and started up the boat as he then drove it onto the lake.

Look, I know I'm beating a dead horse here - hell, it's more like I'm beating its skeleton at this point - but I have to point it out again; this is the person they made a Sergeant Major? Really?

Looking around for anything really you suddenly sensed something amiss here; you turned to look at Leon who looked at you back with the same expression. As if on cue the lake monster came up from the water and knocked the boat which knocked you off into the water.

I can only hope Nessie here has the common sense to aim for Karla.

“Karla!” Leon shouted while gripping the side of the boat searching the brown water for any trace of you. Never mind the fact that he should first pull himself up and then search the waters for her so that he can more easily pull her up into the boat should she resurface. That and it would help to avoid him being targeted and eaten by Nessie there if he got himself out of the water, even if it would only be for a short time.

You on the other hand rose up from the water coughing up the disgusting brown water from your system; you soon spotted Leon a couple of feet away from you shouting your name.

“Leon!”

He snapped his head out to the place where he heard his name coming from; spotting you there he suddenly saw a dark shadow in the water coming towards you. “Karla swim over to me! Now!”

You started to paddle one arm in front of the other at a fast pace apparently not fast enough for Leon. “Hurry Karla!”

“Bite…me!” Yes, let's bitch at the guy trying to save your life. That'll earn you brownie points! you choked out while finally reaching the boat he grabbed you by your shoulders and hoisted you into the boat When the fuck did he get in the boat?! Last we heard he was clinging to the side! just as the monster knocked against it once more. Leon quickly grabbed you and pulled you close to him to prevent you from falling over once more, unfortunately the anchor hooked onto the monster’s back which made the boat speed up fast.

That is some amazing grammar right there. "Speed up fast", tell me is that anything like "Slow down sluggishly"?

Leon looked around on the boat and spotted a spear letting go of you he then picks it up and readies it as he throws it into the monster’s back. The monster than dove DIVED! DIVED, DAMNIT! IT'S NOT 'DOVE'! Also, wrong use of 'then/than'. under the water and disappeared from sight not taking any chances you picked up a spear yourself and quickly spotted the monster with it’s mouth open ready to take a bite out of you two….

Wasn't it just out of sight? God, this story has no adequate amount of pacing at all!

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“If we ever have to do that again…I’ll make sure you go down first.”

Just once I would very much enjoy a scene that wasn't suddenly just chopped short before its conclusion.

You say to him while landing feet first on the dirt and wringing out your hair and hat. Suddenly Leon begins to cough uncontrollably putting his hands to his mouth as you then went up to him, “Leon are you okay?” you say while rubbing his back as he nods and removes his hands away from his mouth only to see crimson liquid stain his gloved palms.

“You’re coughing up blood? But how?” you ask but suddenly he falls to his knees while breathing heavily.

“Leon you’re scaring me please get up.” Again, I'm supposed to believe this character is worthy of being a Sergeant Major? .... .... No! I will not get over this and you can't make me! You say while taking his arm and slinging it around your neck as you slip an arm around his waist to support him. Looking around you see a lone shack up ahead as you quickly make your way towards it, upon entering the shack Leon suddenly falls no longer being able to support himself but unfortunately you fall with him.

This woman, apparently with Sue-per powers from some Umbrella virus, can't even hold up dead weight once Leon's falls unconscious. Joyous. Just.... hit me with the nearest blunt object until I stop twitching.

“Leon?! Leon?! Wake up! Are you okay?!” you frantically shout as he is now unconscious crawling over to the wall you drag Leon along with you.

“Oh man might as well take a break.” You mumble as you place Leon’s head onto your lap and since you were up against the wall you placed your head against the wall while letting sleep take over you.

It pisses me off immensely that she would go the "places the love interest's head in her lap" route. It really does. Mostly because this kind of fluffy bull has been rearing it's ugly head since - what? - the third, fourth chapters? It's ridiculous. THEY BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER!