MOVIE REVIEW: Session 9

So, I sat here like a fucking moron, stalling for half an hour after finishing this movie, debating on watching the damn thing again only to review it old-school Spoony-style and knowing that if I did that would be to subject my brain to torment and mind crushing boredom yet again. But since I fucking love everyone on this site and many of you assholes just love to see me rage at pointless shit I figured why the hell not?

And so now I'm back on Netflix with the movie Session 9, a 2001 psycho. thiller, plastered on my screen. This can only go uphill from here, right?

Already, as the goddamn Universal Studios opening lights up my screen in the darkness of my Assassin Den (see. bedroom), my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach and my brain is already forming the tumor in retaliation to subjecting it to this movie yet again all in the same day. With that said I should probably actually get some word out on what's actually going on this film, huh?

The film starts out with the soundtrack beginning, some type of music I really don't bother to pay much attention to and the screen fading from black to the image of a chair hanging upside down from a derelict and darkened hallway. But, oh, shock and surprise! The camera rotates around to reveal the chair is actually on the floor and not the goddamn ceiling as the title of the movie fades onto the screen briefly. I'm sure that's supposed to be symbolic but from my standpoint it's just fucking retarded and makes me think back to the Ring with the fat guy spinning around in a floating, upside down chair in the video that kills you.

I'd rather be watching the Ring than this bullshit but since I'm apparently into self-torturing myself with bad!fics and horrible movies here I am.

Abruptly the scene changes to the back of some old guy's head and the dashboard of a vehicle. Voices from a radio can be heard as the camera pans around to face the guy we just had a marvelous view of the back of his head. We learn from some other guy off screen as of the moment that this is our protagonist named Gordon or 'Gordy' for short. The guy off screen says Gordy looks tired but really he just looks boring to me but I'll leave that to you lovely readers to decide.



All the while as we're looking at the side of this guy's head there's a dull conversation about some girl named Emma with an ear infection going down. Because that's how I love having a movie start! Dull people and duller conversations! This can only get better, right?

After a boring as fuck conversation in which off screen guy (who we later learn is named Phil but who I hadn't even bothered to remember his name until the very end of the film the first time) reassures Gordy that he'll be there for him if he needs help and then we cut over to some security guy nearby talking on the phone. I don't even know if we learn this guy's name nor do I really give a damn about it.

Security goes to tell our two protagonists that some other asshole named Bill is coming down the ramp to meet up with them in just a moment. We also learn here that our protagonists, Gordy and Phil, are asbestos removers via the side of their candy red van.

Can you just feel the excitement yet, guys? You might went to get used to that because this is pretty much the tone for the entire movie - no exceptions.

We also learn that these guys are going to be working at an old closed down asylum. There's also some riveting dialogue of the security guard telling Phil that he's got a firearm because people are always trying to come in and squat in the asylum instead of live on the streets. And no, none of this comes back later. It's best to just scrub that information out of your brains now because there are no firearms actually used at any point in this film nor do any people come into the asylum later on other than the asbestos removing team of dull assholes.

Not a moment later Bill arrives and we're transitioned up into the asylum with Phil and Gordy talking about a bid on being the ones to clean up the place. Apparently asbestos removers get competitive. Who knew? Next we're shown Bill taking Gordy and Phil through the place to inspect the damage and figure up how much time it's going to take to fix it up. Yes, it's all as mind crushingly boring as it sounds and it goes on for minutes on end.

Also the word "okay" is used a lot in this movie. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm pretty sure none of these jack-hats have ever cracked open a thesaurus to find words to substitute for "okay" because they repeat it what seems every other line and at times use "okay" in every part of the dialogue for whole conversations.

And before I forget further this is the first shot we get of the asylum which is decidedly a good locale to use for this type of a movie. Too bad this entire movie is lacking a storyline which you'll soon see for yourselves.



Nothing happens for the duration of the tour except for Gordy hearing a disembodied voice telling him "hello" as he stares at the chair we saw briefly at the beginning of the movie. All the while on this tour Bill never shuts the fuck up. Pretty much he serves as info-dump on the audience but none of the information he gives really comes back later in the film if at all making all of this pointless as holy fuck. In fact it was almost as if the screenwriters just needed to pace out for more time and to show off their wealth of knowledge of an asylum's history and how much they know of asbestos. Whoop-dee-friggin'-doo.

As they finally start walking out of the asylum we see some graffiti left behind. Bill explains how punks come in and deface the walls but frankly I'd much rather be reading and looking at the graffiti than watching this drek. At least that pen0r and pair of boobs on the wall can hold a person's interests even if they are just painted on. We also get a nice little aside where Phil goes into a room to find all sorts of things pasted on to the walls cut out of magazines. According to the walking encyclopedia, Bill, it was some old-age therapy or some shit. Frankly it just seems like more filler to pad out the movie length but what do I know?

Oh, God, and these goddamn piano notes. It's the same three notes off and on throughout the movie. I think it's supposed to be a mood setter. It just makes my head hurt in response.

Have I mentioned we're only ten minutes into this movie? Because we are. Strap in. It's a long boring ride.

For two goddamn minutes we're subject to watching Gordon stare at the picture covered wall while Phil and Bill talk about nothing important ever until we finally leave the goddamn asylum for the first time. Here Phil returns back inside the asylum to retrieve a bag he forgot and its here that Gordy promises Bill they can clean up the entire goddamn asylum in only a week with only him and "four other guys and [Gordy will] hire another one". Remember that tidbit for later - I'll come back to it!

It's also here that we see who this mysterious Emma with the ear infection is. It's Gordy's baby who frankly I really don't see why I should care about but moving right along.

We cut back briefly to Phil grabbing his bag and then to a shot closing in of a newspaper clipping - a photo of a gorilla holding a dead something or other and a woman holding a toddler while a caption reads "Everybody thought I was Nuts". Quite frankly I think I'm fucking nuts for rewatching this and I also think anyone who actively enjoys this doesn't have a functioning brain but we'll move on from that.

We're subject to watching Gordy flip through photos of himself, Emma and presumably his wife (who we learn is named Wendy). In the audio over the "soft" piano music playing we hear a baby crying and we see a woman tending to flowers. It's the very same woman in the photos. Gordy looks at woman, woman looks at him them goes inside and the camera focuses on the still open doorway were a giant metal pot steaming with something inside can be seen. Judging by the focus of it I'm assuming this is important or something. After another brief glance at the photos we can view outside the car window as Gordy pulls out a bag of food and a small bouquet of roses the woman re-entering the home again despite not having been seen coming back out. Inside the bag we also make witness to a box of Oreos and a jar of Jiffy brand peanut butter. No, I don't know why either of these are important enough to be able to make note-able out of the goddamn bag but they are.

As Gordy goes inside we hear an echo-y voice over of Wendy talking before the screen suddenly and without warning cuts to black and we hear a scream and an engine of some kind running.

'Lo and behold we're on their first day of work cleaning out the asbestos! A fade-in of text tells us it's Monday and the engine running is that of a large electrical generator to power the lights and equipment as they work. Its here that we are introduced to Hank, an asshole you will quickly come to hate just as much as I have, dressed up in protective gear including an all-body covering and a gas mask.

We have more- Shock! Gasp! - dialogue with Hank and Gordy talking about tagging ducts with slime all the while arguing about whether Hank should use green or red colored slime. All the while none of this has no meaning to me and cuts nearly a half a minute into the movie's time. That's half a minute I could have spent doing anything just as dull and yet still more productive like picking my nose or staring at my dog. We also get a nice bit of character-building dialogue in which we see just how much of a dick Hank is talking about boning a chick named Amy to her - what I presume is - ex-lover, Phil. No. None of this is important nor really plays any big role later on.

We also meet Jeff who's plugging in a stereo and has a stupid-looking mullet and Mike. That concludes the entire team working there thus far.

After this we get some ominous sounding music playing while we get to view Hank walking down some stairs. Don't let the music fool you, nothing happens and we instead fade out to the group on a break outside the building. Yes, it's all about as fascinating as watching paint dry. It's here we learn that Gordon managed to set up a deal with the town that if they finish in a week as promised they all get a ten grand bonus each. Security guy shows back up passing out keys to the gate for the duration of their job process here. We also are told why the place shut down in which we get our only real interesting piece of dialogue through the whole movie from these guys at.

Mike proceeds to tell all about the story of the Patricia Willard scandal of 1984 in which her therapy caused her to remember regressed memories of rape, fetal eating, orgies and all around other horrid and nasty things her parents and grandparents did to her all of which was false. This is about the only time I was even remotely interested in hearing more. None of this comes back to have any sort of impact on the movie later however and is best just forgotten lest you get any false hopes that things will get watch-able soon.

The entire time Gordy's staring at his goddamn phone like a morose, boring lump.


We get more dry and boring dialogue coming in and we soon find out that Phil and Mike had called Gordy Saturday to come out and share a drink in celebration of the job but he never answered his phone. Likewise dear ol' Gordon seems to have pulled a muscle over the weekend. Gee, I think a plot point is beginning to throw up on my shoes but maybe that's just me.

It's in this same conversation that we get a name drop of someone named Craig who wants to come onto the job in favor of Hank which I'm all for considering the guy's a giant un-funny douche-nozzle. And no, this does not pay off in any manner any time soon. Towards the end of this conversation more ominous sounding music plays but, again, don't be fooled. Absolutely nothing happens to warrant the music. I only wish I were yanking your chain about that.

We then get the fun of machinery just stopping and Jeff being blamed all after Mike makes a bad lobotomy joke. Get it? It's funny 'cause they're in an asylum! Ha. Ha. Ha. We find out that Jeff has a phobia of the dark so Mike's forced to go check the breakers. While dicking around near the breaker box Mike finds a box labeled EVIDENCE and decides to break the red tape holding it closed to find case files on a woman named 'Mary.' All the while we periodically get the fun of hearing the same fucking three high-notes on the piano between large bouts of silence. While cuts the tape we get a quick cut-out to Gordon nicking his finger with his box cutter at the same time - why this holds any importance is beyond me. When he finally starts opening the box we hear the woman's scream again and some glass shattering. I'm sure that's nothing important at all even as Gordon's getting sprayed by what looks like some sort of powder from above - I can only imagine it's part of some of the infested tiles but I wouldn't know.

After this the day is ending and they're all packing up to go home. Gordon expresses the fact that he doesn't want anyone hanging about after dark as Mike is messing with the engine as the carburetor is acting up apparently. I'm sure none of this will come back later. Again, as we see Mike messing with the engine we hear that goddamn irritating trio of piano notes. No, I don't know why they decided that particular noise was important to pepper throughout their movie but it's driving me bugfuck insane.

The scene then swaps out to night and we see Mike back down in the basement with Mary's case files listening to some old recorded sessions.


Via the folder we learn that Mary Hobbes suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities) and her alter personalities are named "Princess", "Billy" and "Simon." On the tape we hear Mary crying about missing someone named Peter as the psychologist pushes her to recall some event that happened when she was a child on Christmas. As the psychologist prods her to recall the event she's repressed we see a listing of how many sessions she's had and that are taped - unsurprisingly their are nine total. After a few moment's the psych notes Mary's putting her fingers in her mouth and her voice becomes distinctly child-like as she's swapped personalities to "the Princess."

The only things we learn from Princess are that Mary got a china doll and it's lost and Peter had received a knife on that Christmas day the psych is trying to make Mary recall. All we know is that the parents went to sleep and Peter turned off the light to hide while Mary looked for him. We also learn that "Billy only tells [Princess] nice things" and that she doesn't know the alter ego Simon and all the while we see cutouts to what the team is doing off-work and none of it is the least bit interesting.

Finally we cut over to Gordon again who raises his pant leg up and shouts in pain as the fabric sticks to some kind of a wound we don't get to see yet. Through the van's window we're back at the house his wife, Wendy had taken the baby into earlier and from which we saw the giant pot of cooking food - the shades are drawn and it's raining - certainly an attempt to set a mood.

Cut to the next day and the text helpfully provides us with the information that it's Tuesday now. I'm going to helpfully point out that we still have an hour and ten minutes left.

The only real interesting thing that happens for minutes on end is Gordon hearing a deep, slow man's voice telling him that Gordon can hear him despite the fact that the man doesn't respond in any way and is promptly distracted by some knocking nearby by one of his co-workers. We also learn from Mike that Hank stole Phil's girlfriend because apparently that's relevant to the plot at hand.

Down in the tunnels where Hank is spraying red slime he gets lucky and finds a hidden trove of old goodies such as olden coins, partials, teeth, little tools like tweezers, old glasses, rings and even a lobotomy pick. Granted the moron doesn't even know a goddamn lobotomy pick when he sees one. We get to see how much of a sleazy, greedy scumbag this guy is as you can see him calculate his prize for finding these things and one can even see the wheels turning as he thinks about how to sneak his prize out without the rest of his co-workers noticing.



Once again Gordon is heard bitching that he doesn't want people wandering around on their own when he learns Mike is off inspecting something or other off screen. I'm sure that's not important at all. We also see Hank now sporting a nice pair of shades for god knows what reason considering they're all sitting out in some shade. Truly his douche-bagginess knows no bounds. While they have lunch Mike is yet again on his own listening tot he session tapes for Mary Hobbes. Why he's so fascinated with this is beyond me, it's not yet been explained other than it was the only box with red tape and a giant label saying EVIDENCE splashed across it.

It seems he's listening to session number five now in which we hear Billy's boy-ish voice laced with Mary's natural feminine vocal chords which makes for an interesting sound. For some bizarre reason we learn that the Princess lives in Mary's tongue and Billy lives in Mary's eyes. While this doesn't make a lick of sense to me at least it's something even minutely more interesting than the usual dialogue. As Billy explains that he lives in the eyes because he sees everything we get a cut out of Hank laying down with his shades on and smoking a cig. I'm sure this will have some underlying meaning later on that isn't heavy-handed and eye-rollingly stupid.

We learn of nothing else and Mike rejoins the others who are passing around a book Jeff found of all the people who were committed and why. No, none of this comes back later either. It's about here where I realize my want to kill Jeff has suddenly spiked. The guys talk about how people who kill won't get committed but jailed and how some are committed to asylums under "temporary insanity" and this is done in such a way that I'm sure is some sort of conversation that will be more meaningful in hindsight. It ends with Jeff cracking out this butt-fuckingly stupid laugh and asking if Mike is a lobotomy patient for failing law school. The moron even takes a drink, lets the liquid spill out his mouth and pronounces lobotomy slowly and surely. It's every bit as aggravating and annoying as you'd think it is.



Mike quickly puts an end to this pantomiming how lobotomies work with a chopstick and using the fucking dumbass mullethead as a dummy. It thankfully shuts the moron up. This is then followed up by a scene of Jeff and Hank talking before everyone ditches Jeff in some fashion to do the work on their own. Clearly none o these assholes want that ten thousand dollar bonus if all they do is screw the fuck around.

When next we get to any meaningful scene we are privy to - all the while Hank's still fucking talking - Mike finds the red slime tank having spilled over onto some white roses. While I'm sure it's symbolic in some way it really holds no meaning to what's going on at all, I assure you. The only tidbit we learn that's of any importance from Hank during his minutes long rambling is that Gordon is suffering from serious stress and that Hank's starting to see the man crack under pressure for the first time since they've meet which is presumably a long time ago. Again, I'm sure this isn't hinting at anything at all. Nope. Not at all!

We're then treated to a scene of Gordon shirking his work to call his wife, Wendy on his cell phone. Apparently they need to talk something over but from the one-sided conversation she's not wanting to. Looking out the barred windows after she presumably hangs up Gordon witnesses Phil talking to two men and shaking hands before they walk away. I'm just beside myself with excitement at everything happening. Really. I am.

The day ends there and we cut over to Hank driving back up in the middle of the night to sneak out his treasure trove of goodies he found earlier that day. Its here when he actually pulls out the lobotomy pick inside the wall with all the items and he can't even figure out what it's for even after Mike made mention of the "ice pick method" and demonstrated on Jeff with the chopstick. Clearly we have a genius here, folks.

While he's doing this he vaguely hears a pounding over his headphones playing his oldies but he doesn't stop to investigate after listening for a split second for more sound and then popping the headphone back over his ear. Again, clearly a genius on our hands.

On his way out he finds an empty Jiffy jar laying on the ground. A bird flying off scares the shit out of him and a short chase scene ensues as Hank runs from somebody we don't ever see on camera. All the while he still has his headphones jammed in his ears listening to music because that's the smart thing to do when you're running from someone, right? The payoff to this nice little chase is a cut to black and a scene shift to the next day, the third day of their week being a Wednesday.

We find no one's seen Hank and they can't get a hold of them. Phil calls Amy and asks where he went. According to Phil Amy tells him Hank ran off on her. Everyone takes this as Word of God without deciding to double-check with Amy over the phone themselves or turning the cell phone to speakerphone so they all can hear her. Such intelligent beings we're dealing with here, folks. Gordon gets paranoid and brings up the fact that he saw Phil talking two to random guys the day before as Mike calls up the previously mentioned Craig to see if he's able to work for them. Phil dodges the questions and it's all so very dry and boring to watch. It's also here that we see Gordon lose his cool for once and snap at Phil to "[never] walk away from [him]" - a good sign, I'm sure.

As Gordon runs off on his own he notices a suspicious dark red substance caking his cuticles and gets a dumbfounded look on his boring face. When the scene cuts over to Mike and Phil we learn that their work has been sliding into the ground since Gordy's had his kid, Emma, and that he never wanted a kid in the first place - instead we learn that having a child was his wife's idea. Mike then decides to run off instead of listening to Phil bitch, a wise decision if I've ever seen one but then we're subjected to witnessing Gordy wander around aimlessly and end up in a cemetery nearby. Its here he tries calling Wendy again to apologize for something or other.

Meanwhile, Mike is back to researching Mary's files again and he pulls out a file that reads "DECEASED #444" over it. I'm sure that's an important number given the emphasis on it. Sure enough we see the broken tombstone a moment later under the felled tree that Gordon is sitting on. The tombstone has the raised number of "444" on it. That sure kept me waiting in anticipation for a payoff, huh?

All the while I'm dying from soul crushing boredom as I realize I still have over forty minutes left to watch.

The payoff to the scene of Mike snooping around in dead people's files is that Mary suffered a tragedy of some sort that she repressed the memory to and has bad scarring over her chest and wrists from. We also learn that Mary is not aware of her other personalities which, from my understanding, isn't all that uncommon anyhow. The alter ego Billy keeps refusing to wake up the personality Simon, sound panicked. My guess is Simon is some evil little fucker but we'll see eventually.

The next scene we get is Gordon confessing that he had hit his wife and that it was the stupidest thing he's ever done. Something about how Wendy was cooking pasta and the pot of boiling water spilled on his leg leaving a nasty burn. He then admits that he doesn't know what set him off to hit Wendy and that's that. All the while I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to feel for him but with a face like the one pictured it's kind of hard to feel sympathetic.


It's at the end of this conversation that Phil admits that the two guys he spoke to before were the graffiti artists and that he straightened them out so they won't be coming back again. Because that was such a lovely pay off to that situation, wasn't it?

The night shows us Gordy sleeping at the wheel in his van on the job site despite telling Phil previously that he was staying at a motel after hitting his wife. Again, this is all really reassuring and I just can't wait to see the payoff to this. We see his dream is of the memory of hitting his wife, when he was out in the car with the bag of food and roses and we hear the disembodied male voice again telling Gordy "hello" yet again. For something that I'm sure is supposed to be important it sure isn't doing much for the plot (Ha! What plot?) of the movie. The voice asks if Gordy knows who he/it is and gets no answer as we hear the audio flashback of the time when Gordon hit his wife despite all we see is him leaving the van with the bag of food and roses and walking up to the house. I get the feeling that this would hold more weight to it if I didn't have to keep seeing the same part of the memory where Gordon leaves his van.

As if hearing me we get a scene of Gordon in his Hazmat suit standing in a darkened room while we hear the same audio from before from Wendy. Suddenly he's splattered in blood as the disembodied voice tells him to "Do it" and then a smacking sound and Wendy's scream is heard, all with that unnecessary echoed effect added onto it.

This, of course, snaps Gordon into a waking state and I'm sitting here about to tear large chunks of my hair out as I realize that there's still thirty-eight minutes left to go. Truly this is a torturous film that is designed to bore me to tears and homicide before the end.

We finally see the vicious bubbled up burn on Gordon's leg which he splashes disinfectant on and screams like a banshee over. Really, I'd think a burn that's bubbled up that badly probably needs professional medical attention but maybe I'm just weird like that.

We get a lovely scene tour through the darkened hospital occasionally seeing what I assume is Gordy's shadow flitting across the walls eventually with the camera panning into that abandoned chair in Ward A from earlier before the scene fades out to the next day. Just so very exciting. I know.

While Phil rolls either a homemade cigarette or a joint (the thing is already rolled around either the tobacco or weed before I can get a good look at it to tell. How I know the difference is none of your business) Gordon pulls up in his candy red asbestos van. Wonder where he's been all night. We learn during this scene that Craig is going to finally make an appearance on the movie's Friday as it's now Thursday. When asked if he's okay Gordon merely morosely tells Phil that he wants to go home. A good sign of his mental health, I'm sure.

We get a quick snippet of Phil off on his own, taking another drag off his cigarette/joint before muttering the cryptic phrase "It's gonna get ugly". That's a bit concerning. Perhaps something might actually happen now with only just over half an hour left.

Once again the breakers need to be checked but Phil forces Mike to talk to him leaving our resident dumbass, Jeff, to go traipse through his fear - the dark - to do the job. Phil then uses now to confide in Mike that Gordon confessed to hitting his wife and that the guy obviously has stress issues and needs a break. Meanwhile the old fucker's listening from below a set of stairs in the dark as Phil and Mike debate what to do with Gordon. When they start wondering when Gordy hit Wendy happened (they think Saturday) Gordon comes up and their conversation halts because that's never suspicious.

Meanwhile Jeff handles the dark fairly well, walking calmly to the breaker box, fixing it and walking out. Yeah, there's some light in the scenery to see by but mostly darkness. Phobia of the dark my ass. On the way back up he runs into Hank who is staring vacantly out a window with his shades on despite the fact that it's completely overcast outside. When he talks its in a wispy almost high kind of voice as if he's not all there. Jeff decides to wisely go run and get the others after witnessing Hank touch the window, smearing blood over the pane.

Meanwhile Phil and Mike flip for who pays for everyone's lunch that day with an old coin that Phil conveniently found off screen somewhere. It's one of the same that Hank had run into earlier. While Phil is doing this Gordy has this bizarre "What the fuuuuuck?" look to his face over this scene happening. I'm sure it's a look that's very akin to the look on my face as I wonder why the hell I'm still watching this shit. As Phil flips and it lands on Tails we're given a brief cut over to Hank at the window dropping a similar coin that lands on Heads. Again, while I'm sure some idiot out there finds this fascinating I don't find the point to this scene.

Jeff finally appears shouting about having found Hank. Despite disbelief on Phil's part who is convinced the asshole ran off to a casino school in Miami they all run to the area to find Hank's run off with no trace. It's only now that any of them decide that Phil could have been lying about what Amy said and they sit around arguing like fucking morons until they all split up Scooby Doo-style to go find Hank in the asylum.

Mike takes the chance to run off back to listen to Mary Hobbes' session tapes while everyone else is searching for Hank. The only one worth recapping at this point is Mike as he starts to listen to the ninth and last session's tape. While listening to the tape we see that the generator is starting to malfunction and that Jeff is wandering around on his own like a fucking idiot after he followed Phil who split off from him and told him four fucking times to stay where he split off from him.



The generator begins to quit about this time meaning the lights in the tunnels are beginning to dim and turn off. Jeff is finally properly freaking out about the darkness closing in on him now that he has no source of light other than the lights that are dimming and he's acting like he actually has a phobia now. Gordon meanwhile hears the disembodied voice yet aphilgain and witnesses ripples in a giant puddle in the asylum hallway despite no one being there. Being the dumbfuck he is he runs down that very way chasing after a voice without a body.

The generator finally shuts down as this happens and Mike is forced to leave his tapes and fix it since they, too, were being run on the generator. Left in pitch blackness Jeff is freaking the fuck out and hyperventilating as Gordon still heads towards Ward A where all the extreme patients were kept. That's an amazing sign right there. In the meantime Phil has found Hank all crouched down in the dark tunnels now stripped down to only his whitey-tighties and his sunglasses and looking rather shell shocked of all things and repeatedly asking in a disoriented way "What are you doing here?"

Over the walkie-talkie we hear Gordon say he might have found Hank and we see Mike fix the generator. Without anyone to hear it the tape of Mary's ninth session begins to play again and we finally hear Simon's voice. Shock! Gasp! It's the very voice of the disembodied voice Gordon keeps hearing. What a twist.

Simon explains what happened to Mary that Christmas as we hear the voiceover and witness what the other characters are doing throughout the asylum. As the doctor prods Simon for answers we see Gordon heading towards that damn chair that's been there for scenery purposes and witness the same type of coin both Phil and Hank had lying on the ground. We get a flashback of when Gordon snatched the coin out of Phil's hands and he begins to walk closer to the chair. We also get snatches of seeing Phil make his way to Gordon's location as this happens.

Meanwhile Simon explains that Peter had scared Mary so badly that she fell down and smashed her china doll against her chest and got cut up badly. As Simon says this on the tape Gordon is suddenly in one of the patient rooms where there are a shit ton of pictures of dolls pasted on the walls. We learn moments later that this is in fact the room of Mary Hobbes, patient #444. Simon continues on saying that he told Mary to take Peter's knife and "cut him up real badly" to which she does.

Gordon is still wandering around the asylum as we see someone else holding a little blade in his hand wandering around - someone that looks like Phil. Hmm... this looks concerning, don't you think? Gordon's still dicking around, looking at photos pasted on the walls of patient rooms landing on one of his own baby, Emma. I'm sure that's not important or symbolic in anyway. Nope, not at all.

Simon's voiceover keeps going reveling in the fact that he also told and convinced Mary to cut up her parents so they "wouldn't scream" or some shit. Gordon's still looking at photos on the wall only now they're of the ones he had been flipping through way earlier in the film with what looks like either blood or that "red slime" Hank was spraying on their edges.

Phil, blade in hand, runs into Gordon who looks spooked while Jeff bursts out of the asylum about the same time that Mike is coming back in from another entrance. Even out in daylight Jeff is still losing his shit, ripping off half his Hazmat suit and sprinting to the candy red asbestos van where he sobs a bit and then pulls out and eats an Oreo at random. No, I have no idea what the Oreo thing has to do with anything. Before he pulls out the Oreo he radios Gordon asking him to come out and meet him by the van.

After a moment the camera moves way back away from Jeff and begins panning in closer to him as footsteps are heard growing louder and faster. As Jeff notices the person coming closer he starts babbling asking if it was alright if he was eating an Oreo he found in the van. Suddenly the camera rushes up close and then cuts to black right when it's up on Jeff at an uncomfortably close angle.

We're subjected to some random scenery of the asylum and the grounds around it. God knows why. The text over the screen tells us its Friday and we pan in to see someone sitting in the candy red van with Phil radioing over the walkie-talkie to "come back." We learn that it's Gordon in the van, big shocker there. Phil answers cryptically that "[They] found the one. The one responsible." - whatever that means.



By the way, remember when I told you to hold on to the information that only five to six guys were going to clean out the whole asylum of things like asbestos and in only a week? Yeah, look at the above image and just laugh at that notion. I'm starting to see why the town agreed to the ten grand bonus. It's damn near impossible for a small group to clean that entire place out on their own with regular working hours!

As Gordon goes back in the asylum we finally are introduced to Craig who pulls up and remains oblivious to the bloody handprint over the white font on the candy red van before entering the asylum himself in search of his co-workers. During the following scenes where we see Gordon and Craig walking about we also see a giant puddle of blood where we had last witnessed Mike re-entering the facility.

Gordon finally runs across Hank again who's laid out on his back on some plastic covered by a small sheet of plastic and with his shades still on. Here we see Phil talking about how much of a liability Hank was and looking not the least bit remorseful. Gordon accuses Phil of doing whatever the fuck is wrong with Hank, who hasn't moved since Gordon arrived. Phil meanwhile just tells the boring fucker that he needs to wake up and "take a really, really good look."

It's about this time that Gordy kneels down and removes Hank's shades to reveal Hank now has the lobotomy pick shoved up into his brain. So that means this guy has been walking around with a giant ice pick just crammed into his eye socket down to the handle. Just think about that for a moment, folks.

Hank twitches and immediately asks in his new, slurred voice "What are you doing here?" Phil interrupts telling Gordy that he shouldn't tell people about this or people will find out about the "others". As he does this we get quick flashes of what happened to the other workers as well. All the while Gordy is convinced that Phil is behind it all and Phil's repeating that Gordon is asleep and needs to open his eyes.

Anyone who can't figure out that Gordon is the culprit at this time is an idiot.

As soon as Gordy screams and Craig starts talking to him off screen and coming closer Gordy looks back and then towards Phil to discover Phil is gone now. Disappeared in thin air apparently. After a moment where Craig sees Hank's body with the lobotomy pick still shoved in his eye Gordy tugs him into a headlock and they fall backwards where Gordy lands on his phone, breaking it. Gordy then reaches over, takes the pick out of Hank's eye and - while being prodded by Simon's voice to "Do it, Gordon" - shoves the pick into Craig's eye.

Boy, this sure escalated quickly.

We get some brief circus music playing which kills the mood and a quick flash to Hank running into Gordy the night he came back for his treasure trove and got lobotomized. Likewise we get another voiceover where the doctor asks Simon why he did what he did and Simon merely says "Because Mary let me, Doc." Apparently that is now a valid reason for everything. I think I'll try that the next time I get yelled at for punching the next person that pisses me off. Something tells me it won't go over so well.

Simon's voice over continues saying that "They always" let him do these things. Who "they" is is beyond me as it seems to imply he's been in the minds of many people but that's not a multiple personality disorder anymore so much as something paranormal which we've had no hint of throughout the goddamn movie other than the little water ripples earlier.

We now serve witness to Gordy wandering about in a daze. We get another little flashback of when Phil ran into Gordy in a patient room earlier and he tells Gordy that he found Hank who told Phil that he had been attacked by Gordy. The flashbacks come and go in brief stints showing the bloodied bodies around the plastic covered room as Gordy recalls their deaths by his hand and as he wanders by in his daze.

Yes, Gordy took out Hank, Phil, Jeff, Mike and Craig all in less than twenty-four hours. Guy has a kill streak going on here! Mike and Jeff both kicked the bucket via the blade that he snatched from Phil after presumably beating him to death.

As he finally reaches the end of the room Gordy recalls the night he slapped his wife. We don't see anything new but we get new audio of a vicious attack that ends with the man killing Wendy, the dog and the baby, Emma. As we hear the audio we get a pan over of the bloodied photos of the family posted on the patient wall in the asylum. In between the sounds of hitting and Wendy's body being viciously beaten we hear Simon's voiceover of "Do it, Gordon" which raises more questions than answers.

The end of this gave a paranormal feel of Gordy being possessed slowly. But the killing of Wendy, Emma and the dog happened on the Saturday before they even stepped foot into the asylum where Mike began listening to Mary's session tapes. How would Simon possess Gordy before he was even in the asylum? You'll get your answer in a moment, actually, but it only leaves one more confused.

We cut over to the camera panning in to that goddamn empty chair again that has had nothing to do with anything at all in the movie and then again to the photos on the wall. We then get to see Gordy on his totalled cell phone talking to Wendy as if she's still alive and as if the phone actually works, sobbing and begging forgiveness.



The movie finally ends panning over the roof of the asylum as a voiceover of Simon claims that he lives in "the weak and the wounded." Again that only raises more questions than answers but at the moment I couldn't give a damn as the movie is finally over and more of my life is done being wasted on this crap!

In short this was a goddamn movie that had a good set-up, a good location and yet had nothing solid holding it together. It is a movie looking for a plot! It is not worth watching even if you have time to kill! And yes, I know, I'm going to get some assholes out there that are going to tell me that I'm just not smart or observant enough to get the movie and its twists. Or I'm gonna get that one asshole who'll tell me that I just didn't like it because it lacked huge amounts of gore and guts.

To both of those people I give a resound "Fuck You" and I will leave it at that.