Illegal Operations: Project K Sporking/Review [01]

I got roped into this by my own volition - train wreck syndrome and all. This is actually a huge series for Resident Evil and it's rather sickening how much of a Mary-Sue this character turns into over the course of this long fic and it's sequals. So let's hit it.

This is my mission that I so totally chose to accept.

Name: Karla Smith

Age: 24

Hair/eyes: light brown (waist length but always in a ponytail), hazel.

Ethnicity: Latina/ Spaniard

Occupation: Sergeant Major of the U.S. Army.

Sergeant Major? That's pretty fucking high-up and for a twenty-four year old? I already call bullshit. There's no way that happened to her! Not to mention she's in the Army and her hair is "always in a ponytail"? That's not possible. One of the hairstyles unacceptable for women in military uniform is a ponytail. A simple search could tell you this - hell, I just snooped around the Go Army site to find that information.

History: you were adopted into the Smith family when you were just a year old, your birth mother had died giving birth to you and your father couldn’t take care of you. Your father and adopted father were friends while in the army so your adopted father adopted you. Tell me, was the adopted father that adopted you adopted himself by an adopted mother or adopted father, too? Was there just a long lineage of adopted adoptees? At age ten somehow Umbrella got a hold of you and injected the T-Plasma into your blood system, which ultimately re-coded your DNA and from then on changed your life. The T-Plasma is another form of the T-Virus except the T-Plasma’s main purpose was to suppress and eliminate the virus, but instead it gave you powers that you would not know about until later on. Umbrella originally named you their bio-weapon…their Project K.

Wait... "Somehow" kidnapped? And the father was in the Army? Did he not call the authorities to find his daughter? Why was this never brought up? And there should have been a huge investigation to find a little child! Not to mention she would have been questioned as to what had happened to her while she was kidnapped!

My head is beginning to hurt already.

Family:

Name: Oscar Smith

Age: 50

Ethnicity: African-American.

Occupation: General of the U.S. Army.

Information: Oscar adopted Karla from his best friend Ricardo Lopez back when the two were sergeants in the army and Oscar was 26. He was outraged when one day he found out that Umbrella took Karla and infected her with some type of virus, he knew about it but never told her the truth.

So he didn't call the police to search her out! What the hell?! This is not a normal fucking reaction to a young child being kidnapped! Someone would have noticed she was missing, asked Oscar about it and probably would have called the police themselves! HOW DOES THIS GO UNNOTICED?! HOW DOES THIS EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE ANY SENSE!? WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Name: Bethany Smith

Age: 48

Ethnicity: African-American/ Caucasian.

Occupation: House Wife.

Information: Bethany urged Oscar to adopt Karla since Ricardo couldn’t take care of her, by then they had a son already who was three. Ever since then she has become attached to Karla and loved her like a real mother.

Name: Zachary Smith

Age: 27

Ethnicity: African-American

Occupation: First Sergeant of the U.S. Army/ former Raccoon City officer.

Information: Zachary became attached to his adopted sister, and looked forward to becoming a great older brother. Six years ago during the Raccoon City Incident Zachary was a rookie officer, during that time he met another rookie officer named Leon Kennedy and together they helped survivors escape, as well as his family.

So not only do we have a Mary-Sue character already in the works but we have a character who's backstory has elements ripped off from Leon S. Kennedy - the love interest of this fanfic. His story was unique because he was a rookie cop! Stealing those elements only cheapens his experience and makes the author unoriginal. Not to mention it pisses me right the fuck off!

Personality: your sarcastic, but most of the time your kind and nice, you give respect when you are given respect. Patient when you feel like it.

Clothes: you’ll be wearing the usual standard army clothes such as; the green camfluoge pants, brown top. You have on a green camfluoge cap, with black army boots.

Weapons: Holsters on each leg with 9mm handguns one in each, along with a Swiss army knife. A shotgun. (Powers will develop later in the story).

Former home town: Raccoon City. Since the incident in Raccoon City you and your family were forced to move to an Army base near West Point.

~Story start~

Father wanted to see you again in his office it didn’t matter though, waking up at five in the morning each day wasn’t so bad Zachary though needed you to get him up everyday or else he’d sleep in till’ twelve. No joke. You entered the office which was a small but comfortable little brown room with three cabinets and his large brown oak desk. Oscar was there, on the phone with someone as usual he gestured you with his hand to sit on the chair in front of him, and you did so. After about a good three minutes Oscar hangs up as he stares intently at you.

“Karla.”

“Oscar.”

“You’re going on a mission.” He states simply.

It's becoming inherrently clear that this author has no idea how military works. When family members are in the same branch of the military they do not work with each other - especially when one is higher up than the other. It generates a conflict of interests when it happens. Special favors may be granted because they are family and that is unacceptable.

Your eyes perked up on the word mission, “Oh?”

“You’ll be going to Spain to help rescue the president’s daughter…Ashley Graham.”

“Wait help? Who’s helping me?”

I enjoy how Karla-Sue has not been given permission to speak freely, much less even the "at ease" command. She should be staring straight ahead, listening and saying "Yes, sir" when spoken to. This is fucking ludicrous.

“More like who are you helping…you’ll be partnered up with a government agent.”

You groaned, “Partner…you know I hate those stupid stuck up, snotty agents who think they’re the shit just because they follow the president’s orders.”

She does realize that her precious self-insert Karla-Sue would have to be placed into a platoon in the Army, right? Meaning she would be working with multiple partners on a daily basis to perform any tasks given to said platoon, right?

“First, stop cussing in front of me. Second, we work for the government you know. Three, get along with this person if you don’t you’ll be hearing it non-stop from me understand?”

This is what I was talking about with the conflict of interests earlier. This is not how a typical conversation goes between military men/women. Trust me, I've trained with the Marines until I got dropped. I know from personal experience!

You were too busy starring out into the distance and all though you heard him you didn’t quite answer him then and now. Upset as he already was he slammed his hand down upon the desk which made you jump and look back at him.

“Understand?” he asked again but this time more serious and angry.

“Heard you loud and clear daddy-o.” you say giving him a two finger salute.


“You’ll leave later on today, so get a move on.”

“Okay el Capitan.”

You answer while getting up and saluting him the proper way before exiting his office.

Once going back to your bungalow That should be barracks not bungalow, you know-nothing. you saw your bother and his group of friends eating at the mess hall. Zachary noticed you too and waved you over to them you sighed and entered the mess hall and sat down beside your brother.

“Did daddy-o give you a mission?” he asked while stuffing his face with the mess hall’s specialty spaghetti.

“Yup I was partnered up with some tocino.” You replied coolly as the others snickered at your nickname for the government. (Tocino= Spanish for bacon.)

“What’s tocino again? You know I don’t understand your Spanish speaking ass Karla.” Zachary asked while taking a sip of his soda.

“Bacon moron, another term for the government or police.”

I get the feeling that .gif is going to become fairly popular over the course of this sporking....

He shrugged innocently while licking his dry lips, “I could go for some bacon.”


You smiled while rolling your eyes, “Of course you would you could eat three times your weight and not get fat.”

He smiled, “I’m just awesome that way.”

~Jet ~

Woah! Hey! You can't just scene change like that on me! Gotta give me some warning, god! I think I just got slapped by the new scene coming in so quickly!

You were waiting…and for a damn long time too where was this government agent anyways? The Jet was supposed to take off ten minutes ago, and here you were waiting. Why would they be taking a jet anyways? Leon meets up with the police who drive him to the new area meaning they would have met them at the airport meaning they should have just taken a normal airplane to the area. Not a private friggin' jet all to themselves! The fuck is this nonsense?! You however entertained yourself with your music…and soon you found yourself singing along to one of your favorite songs.

“She keeps her Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet
'Let them eat cake' she says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Khrushchev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline

Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice

She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laserbeam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ooh, recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?” you immediately stopped singing after feeling the jet take off. (“Killer Queen” by Queen)

W-.... Why? What is the point of adding the lyrics? No one gives a damn about your word count! This is pointless fucking shit!

“Wait a minute where’s the agent?” you thought to yourself as you took your attention away from the window of the passing clouds and locked eyes with someone sitting across from you. The guy had a smirk plastered on his face, oh no, he had heard you singing…you felt yourself blushing as red as a tomato. You gave him a quick look over; the guy looked two years older than you and yet about a year younger than Zachary, he had brown-blondish hair with some hair covering his right eye. His eyes though, they were a brilliant blue with a hint of gray. He was wearing navy colored Capri pants with black boots, he was also wearing a matching skin tight shirt which was covered by a brown jacket, and had on black fingerless gloves.

It appeared that he too was looking you up and down as his eyes finally met yours once more. “So you like Queen, huh?” his soft voice asked as his smirk grew.

You nodded shyly, this was one hot government agent and surely you thought that you would be paired up with another woman or a man with self-obsession issues.


“Names’ Leon Kennedy. You?” he says while extending a hand.

“Karla Smith.” You replied shaking his hand.

He let’s go of your hand as you turn your attention back to the window watching the clouds pass by.

“So…you’re the General’s daughter?” you had to give him credit he was doing well for starting small talk.

This.... There are no words. This is all so vapid and boring! Why is this even here? We already know she's the General's daughter because the moron-author felt the need to give us her life story and family members listed above! This would have been more productive and less pointless IF SHE DIDN'T SPOIL HER OWN DAMN STORY, TWISTS AND ALL INFORMATION REGARDING EITHER OF THOSE BEFORE THE STORY EVEN STARTED!! GOD! DAMNIT!

“Yeah,” your gaze never leaving the window, “I was actually adopted though into his family.”

Leon nods while leaning on his open palm and staring out of the window also, “Where do you live?”

That was unexpected maybe you should take back that credit, “Why? Are you gonna stalk me?”

He turns to you as he smirks, “Never said anything about stalking you, you just seemed familiar to me that’s all.”

“Oh well in that case I live near West Point on an army base…” you trailed off remembering your past home. “I use to live in Raccoon City.”

His face was solemn now as his silence somehow encouraged you to go on, “I was nineteen when the incident in Raccoon City happened.” I am not impressed. And neither should anyone else be. This is a staple to most Sue-characters within Resident Evil. Want a tragic backstory? Just slap them in Raccoon City! Don't even explain how they ended up surviving more times than not. You say finally turning to look at him as he diverts his gaze to the window once more…he too remembered the incident, he was only a rookie cop on his first day when that happened.

Deciding on changing the mood of things you changed the subject, “Why do you work for the tocino?”

He looks at you in a questionable manner, “What did you say?”

“Oh I’m sorry I meant government.” You say laughing nervously as he continues to look at you wondering what you had meant. He shrugs it off and decides to answer you, “Reasons kind of difficult to explain.”

“Oh.” Was all you said as the pilot talks to you two on the intercom.

“Sergeant Major, Mr. Kennedy, we will arrive in Spain in five hours.”

You began to drum your fingers on the armrest as you felt Leon looking at you, turning to him you tilt your head to the side in a childish manner, “May I help you Mr. Kennedy?”

He smiles and shakes his head, “Didn’t know you were a Sergeant Major.”

You narrow your eyes at him while pouting, “What did you think I was? A lower rank?”

“Yeah something like that.”

He had a lot of nerve, “Shut up Kennedy.”


YOU'RE ONLY TWENTY-FOUR THERE'S NO WAY YOU SHOULD RIGHTFULLY BE A SERGEANT MAJOR IN THE FIRST PLACE! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD YOU HAVE TO WORK TO RANK UP? THERE'S MANY DIFFERENT FACTORS! AND I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE EARNED SUCH A RANK BECAUSE IT'S NEVER EXPLAINED SO THE ONLY LOGICAL CONCLUSION I CAN COME TO IS THAT HER DADDY GOT THE POSITION FOR HER BEING A GENERAL! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! THIS IS ILLOGICAL! THIS IS JUST A WAY TO MAKE LEON IMPRESSED INSTANTLY WITH THE CHARACTER AND TO MAKE HER SEEM BETTER THAN SHE REALLY IS! WELL IT'S NOT WORKING YOU WHORE!

How was it?

IT FUCKING SUCKED!

Just to let you know I will be updating my other two stories too…as well as this one hope you enjoyed!

I DON'T CARE! FUCK YOU!

"she has become attached to Karla and loved her like a real mother."

...... So was she a fake mother all along until Karla came around?

EVU- wrote:

ADreamingEmi wrote:

"she has become attached to Karla and loved her like a real mother."

...... So was she a fake mother all along until Karla came around?

You know, that's a really good question!

Not holding my breath for the answer, if it is like the rest of the story it would be explaining that then your on a jet to meet a cow or something xD

EVU- wrote:

ADreamingEmi wrote:

EVU- wrote:

ADreamingEmi wrote:

"she has become attached to Karla and loved her like a real mother."

...... So was she a fake mother all along until Karla came around?

You know, that's a really good question!

Not holding my breath for the answer, if it is like the rest of the story it would be explaining that then your on a jet to meet a cow or something xD

Exactly! Because as we know from experience, NOTHING IS EXPLAINED EVUUUUUR in this fic.

Here is the proper typing of a sentence...

"He grabbed her hand, there were many villagers outside, each with a weapon and the intent to kill. With quick thinking he pulled her up stairs. Looking to his left he see's a chair, grabbing it he breaks the glass to insure both of their safety. Stepping back he rushed forward, pulling the girl with him as he jumped through the empty space landing on the ground and falling to his knees from recoil."

How gabbycancer54 does it.

"We ran upstairs quickly the thing outside was horrible they were out of the window and shooting crows."

EVU- wrote:

ADreamingEmi wrote:

EVU- wrote:

ADreamingEmi wrote:

"she has become attached to Karla and loved her like a real mother."

...... So was she a fake mother all along until Karla came around?

You know, that's a really good question!

Not holding my breath for the answer, if it is like the rest of the story it would be explaining that then your on a jet to meet a cow or something xD

Exactly! Because as we know from experience, NOTHING IS EXPLAINED EVUUUUUR in this fic.

Here is the proper typing of a sentence...

"He grabbed her hand, there were many villagers outside, each with a weapon and the intent to kill. With quick thinking he pulled her up stairs. Looking to his left he see's a chair, grabbing it he breaks the glass to insure both of their safety. Stepping back he rushed forward, pulling the girl with him as he jumped through the empty space landing on the ground and falling to his knees from recoil."

How gabbycancer54 does it.

"We ran upstairs quickly the thing outside was horrible they were out of the window and shooting crows."

EVU- wrote:

ADreamingEmi wrote:

Here is the proper typing of a sentence...

"He grabbed her hand, there were many villagers outside, each with a weapon and the intent to kill. With quick thinking he pulled her up stairs. Looking to his left he see's a chair, grabbing it he breaks the glass to insure both of their safety. Stepping back he rushed forward, pulling the girl with him as he jumped through the empty space landing on the ground and falling to his knees from recoil."

How gabbycancer54 does it.

"We ran upstairs quickly the thing outside was horrible they were out of the window and shooting crows."

Yep! That's exactly how she does it! Sadly, enough. I'll never understand why people want to skimp out on something they supposedly enjoy doing....

Fah real!!!! If you are going to half ass it you shouldn't be allowed to write it.