SUE HUNTERS: Free To Be You and Me: It's a Dark Day [Supernatural] Spork/Review

Fang: So, here we are, properly sporking with one another! I figured it'd be a good opportunity to get more collabs out and mostly because I'm not all caught up on Supernatural where-areas Knight here is!

Knight: Ah, yes. I am. Anyway, we are Knight & Fang, Suehunters on a Suehunt! Join us as we track and kill the monster known to the Colonial Marines as Insert-Sue; which is a Sue the helpess readers are stuck as for the course of the oneshot.

Free to Be You and Me: It's a Dark Day {Dean Winchester}

From the length of this one, plus a certain surprise near the end, I bet you all would know which Winchester I root for.

Knight: Well, they both are pretty badass. I can't pick and choose, and by the look of this fic; I'm not going to like the surprise near the end...

Fang: Hmmm, excluding Cas I'm more of a Dean fan. I'm just gonna assume that I'm not going to enjoy any part of this what-so-ever.

“It's a dark day outside in the yard.
It's a cold day, but that's our reward
There's a girl, I see every day
Knows who I am, has nothing to say.”

Knight: *in a sing-song voice* I smell posting lyrics just for a word count...

Fang: Oh, good, it wasn't just me then!

He had arrived at this specific bar for the fourth time that week, hoping to catch you on your night shift again. He and his brother were only going to stay in town for another week, in order to make sure that the vampire’s nest would be empty.

Fang: Ummm.... why? Why is Dean waiting like this? While he's all for gettin' a little nookie on the side I didn't peg him as the type to wait about day to day or night to night in the hopes of scoring a little.

He took a long swig from his beer of choice, before slamming it down upon the bar top. Rushed thoughts swarmed through his mind before he had a chance to settle them down.

Knight: *is jolted awake by the slamed beer* Uh-- wait, what?!

The topic of discussion, in order to catch your immediate attention, would have to be about the missing bartender. The outsider pursed his lips for a moment, deciding whether or not to follow through, but upon seeing you nearing him, he ultimately decides to beckon you over.

Knight: How the hell could SHE be the only bartender there??!! I mean, I've never been to a bar, but I think they have at least three!

Fang: I can't say for sure exactly myself as I don't go to bars to drink, I drink at home or at a friend's, but I think it really just has to do with the size of the bar to determine how many bartenders are there.

“The name’s Dean.” He introduces himself as you lean against the polished counter-top. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a photograph. “Do you know this woman?”

Fang: Wait, so he's just been sitting around for days at this place waiting to talk to the bartender only for an ID on someone? Umm... I'm sorry, what? I was under the impression they had already finished their job there to empty out the vamp nest.

You tenderly took the photo from him and brought it up to your face; for a moment, all is quiet as your eyes scan the portrait. Seconds later, you hand Dean the picture back. “That’s Ramona.”

Knight: It's. Just. A. Picture.

“I see,” Dean answers, licking his lips with a sudden sweep of his tongue. Your confirmation was all he needed in order to pursue the case he was occupied with.

Fang: What case?! All we've heard about so far was the Winchesters making sure the vamp nest was empty! That's it!

“When was the last time you saw her?”

Knight: Uh, excuse me. Dean, what do you think you're doing..?

“Three days ago.” The memory is still vivid, still kept repressed in the back of your mind as you witnessed her walk out of the bar. She had been going home, but as far as anyone knew, she never made it. Although you both were acquaintances, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt for not walking home with her that night.

Fang: Uhm... If you're just acquaintances then how would you know if she got home or not? Why would you really care? I'm at a loss as to what's going on here. What about you, Knight?

Knight: Oh, I wish I could understand what is going through Sue-Insert's mind. But if I did I'd probably burn to death from the stupidity...

Fang: That's a very nice assessment for it.

The extra over-time definitely wasn’t worth it now.
The man named Dean offered a sympathetic smile as he pocketed the photograph. “Were you two close?”

“Well in a way, I suppose we were.”

Knight: Well, seeming that you don't give two shits about your fellow co-worker and just now realized that she's been missing...

Fang: Let's also not forget the fact that she just claimed several sentences above that they were only acquaintances. Acquaintances are not close, dumbfuck.

His alluring hazel eyes had tempted you into their depths. It was a wonder you were able to think at all, despite the fact that his gaze was distracting you. For a long moment, nothing could be heard.

Fang: So she suddenly went deaf? Neat.

Save of course for the few patrons who were busy in a game of poker. Your hands fiddled with the white dishcloth in front of you; the pads of your fingers skimming over the fabric as you diverted your gaze from his.

A grunt was heard from him before he pushed the empty bottle away from his being. Dean ran a hand over his face; the light stubble of his chin reminding him that he needed to shave. It was a distraction for himself of course, he couldn’t tell you that Ramona was one of them.

Knight: From my knowledge of the show; there's usually a slim chance of getting attacked and turned by whatever creature the brothers are hunting.

Then again, how was he going to tell you that she was a vampire?

Fang: Correct me if I'm wrong but the brothers don't just go about telling people these things all willy-nilly. Especially after what happened with that one guy... Uhmm.... Uhmm... Crap, I'm drawing a blank on his name! The guy who was all convinced about the existence of Manbots being the culprit instead of shapeshifters!

Knight: Oh yeah~! I remember him, I can't remember his name either. He was a few tools short of a toolbox though~.

Fang: *nods* Yeah, yeah, he was. Haha

“Sorry to break it to you, sister. Your friend is a monster now, a monster that feeds on blood to survive. So, my brother and I are gonna have to decapitate her. Can I get another beer?”

Knight: This is like a 'How To' manual on how to not score with Dean!

Fang: Forever yes to that, Knight!

Dean can see that scenario playing out real well in his head, and he anticipates that you would most likely call that gorilla of a bodyguard to “escort” him out.

Fang: Just where the hell is this bar located? My brother's girl works at a bar as a bartender between college classes and they don't have a bodyguard. In fact my brother picks up shifts there just so that he can act as a makeshift bodyguard because he's worried about his girlfriend with the way the drunkards get at times.

A deep, frustrated sigh is pulled from his lips, just as you had looked up at him through your lashes.

“Are you a cop?”

The hunter doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Yeah, but uh, I’m from another county.” A quirk of your eyebrow compels Dean to add onto his “brilliant” lie. “Well, my partner and I are following a string of murders, and we believe that the murderers might have come through here.”

Fang: This is sad considering Dean is a much better liar than this canonically.

“Cop.” You say again, this time the disbelief is clear in your tone.

Knight: Yes, go with it; he is a cop. You don't need to know what he really is!

It was at your response that Dean had wished he hadn’t answered your question at all. “Detective Page,” He answered swiftly, the sudden authority masking his usually easy going tone. “I didn’t catch your name.”

You lifted up your head in order to gaze at him; the intensity of your [e/c] hues causes Dean to straighten up in his stool. “_____.” The name is a sweet sound to his ears. “I can’t believe you think Ramona is dead.”

Knight: Bitch-Sue just went after Dean with a false accusation, DO NOT WANT. Die bitch, now.

Fang: I'm more concerned about the whole "Sue's eyes causing Dean to straighten up" and her voice being "sweet". No. Just no.

“Hold on, sweetie. I didn’t say she was dead.”

“You might as well have with the way you carry yourself.” You retorted, while standing up straight, and slapping the dishtowel over your shoulder.

Fang:

There was simply no way that Ramona could be dead; you just couldn’t think it was possible. Then again, she had gone home alone that night; could it be that perhaps she was taken by these maniacs? Your irrational side didn’t seem to think so. “I believe we’re done, Detective.”

Knight:

Dean makes an attempt to stand from his stool, but chooses to sit back down. He instead watches as you leave the counter and begin to make your way towards the back area. Your shift was over anyways, and not only that, but you didn’t want to hear any more of the Detective’s conclusion.

Fang: Ah-ha! Nice try moron! You still have the "break down" to deal with to end your shift on! This means the clean-up of the bar and making sure the person on next shift arrives to take over and if you're last shift that means making the remaining patrons leave. So get back up on the bar, fuckface, your shift ain't done yet!

Thoughts clouded your mind as soon as you stepped into the cool night air, and begin walking down the alleyway. The shivering breeze caresses the side of your face and blows freely through your hair. Maybe you hadn’t thought of Ramona as a mere co-worker, but perhaps, you had gotten close enough to think of her as your friend. That had to be the case.

Knight: *yawns* Ugh, when can I go back and hang out with Hicks? This is getting slow and dull, Sue is thinking boring thoughts again...

Fang: That sounds like an amazing plan, actually, only with Drake instead of Hicks.

You smooth your hair back, before deciding to put it up in a half-fast bun.

Not paying attention to your surroundings could be the last lesson you will ever learn.

Knight:

Your shoes splash into the water puddles of the previous night’s rain, the water making its way into your shoes. You pay no attention to it, however, because you are distracted.

Fang: *sighs, rubbing her temples* No. You can't do that. This is from the "reader's" POV meaning that if you point out that something happens to the reader - i.e. water filling into her boots - it means the person who the reader is inserted into has noticed it.

The fluorescent sign of the strip club serves as your exit from the alley.

A sharp tug of your hair forces you back, preventing you from leaving the backstreet. Your shoulders are in someone’s steel grip just as your back is forced up against the brick wall. The pain rushes up and down your spine, with the back of your head throbbing as the result.

Fang:

It is then you focus your eyesight, and immediately catch the glimpse of the familiar copper colored curls. What had once been stunning green eyes, were now a terrifying charcoal black. You come to realize it is Ramona. She was still clad in the gray tank top and the blue jeans she was last seen in, granted that they were now stained with rust colored splotches. Her usual calm and compassionate face was now twisted into an unpleasant expression, of what appeared to be hunger.

Knight: Where's dinna'? I'm hungry..

Fang: *channeling Oliver Twist* Please, sir, may I have some more?

“I followed your heartbeat.” She declares while taking in your startled expression. “It was easy to find you, because your heart was beating so fast.”

Knight:

“Ramona?” You manage to question, even though you knew it was her. The fact that she was standing before you had raised various questions.

Ramona grins in response, and it is then you can see the rows of jagged teeth she had acquired.

Knight: Wait, Ramona is JAWS the shark?! Cause when you say 'jagged', I think JAWS.

Fang: I guess that means it must be Shark Week then! ... ... Or not. Shark Week would at least be interesting where-areas this oneshot isn't.

Calculating [e/c] eyes skim over her from head to toe, taking note that she was no longer the same person you had come to cherish as a friend. “What happened to you?”

The grin vanishes altogether, and in its place lays an expression that you hadn’t imagined. A look of predatory hunger flashes behind those dark, fearsome eyes. “You’ll see.”

Knight: I just...:

Fang: You know, I don't know why that's so funny - but it is.

“No, no, no wait!” She leans her head forward, lips curled back into a snarl which offers you a closer look at her pointed teeth. “Stop!” Your attempts at trying to stop her are futile. You place your strength into your punches, although you knew it would do nothing to stop her. You didn’t understand why she was doing this, not only that, but you didn’t know what she was.

A growl is pulled from her lips,

Fang: How exactly does one "pull" a growl from one's lips? I get what she's going for but lips don't make sounds, the throat and vocal cords do.

and it is then you feel her hands leaving your shoulders. The force of the pull had you stumbling to the side, your hands bracing the dumpster for support.

Fang: Well at least the Sue is in the appropriate place. Sues belong in the trash, after all.

Knight: *grins* AHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHA.

You turn to the side, and are surprised to find that the Detective had punched her in the face. Ramona fell to the ground, and it provided an opening for him to go over to you. “You okay?” He asked, cutting to the point.

Knight: OH IN THE FACE! Something done right today as well!!

Fang: The only thing that would have made that better is if Dean had decked the Insert-Sue instead!

You opened your mouth to answer, but Ramona had pounced on him from behind, catching him off guard as he struggled to get her off. He attempted to shake the crazed woman off, but at the last second, she had dug her nails into his shoulders.

Snapping out of your daze, you began frantically looking around for anything to use in order to assist Dean. God must have been looking out for you. You grabbed a hold of the nearby plank and held onto it, just as Dean had managed to pry Ramona’s arms from around him, you swung at her with full force.

Knight:

Needless to say, it broke in half, while leaving her with no damage. Ramona snarled before lunging towards you, her fingers curled as she aimed for your throat.

Fang: Seriously! What is it with Gabby15cancer and strangulation?! It shows up here and it shows up dozens of fucking times over in her Project K series, too!

Dean had quickly stepped in and forced the woman back, but had sustained a scratch across his cheek in the process.

“What is wrong with her?!” You shouted at him as he fought for control.

Knight: That is a question you do not want the answer to...

Dean managed to pull his arm back, and punch her in the face, causing her to stumble backwards. “She’s a vampire!”

Fang: Because, y'know, talking about this in the middle of a situation like this is totally normal.

He managed to reply, while pulling out a long blade from in front of him. It didn’t take long to realize that he had just pulled out a machete. Out of his waistband too, go figure. Wait, didn’t he say he was a cop? Better yet, did he just call her a vampire?

“You’re bat shit crazy.”

Fang: And you're an idiot. Evens out there, I think.

Knight: And I'm going to have Hudson run a bypass through all of the bullshit in this fic..

Fang: That would be all the amazing and would probably just whittle this oneshot down to maybe... *debates, calculating how much would be gone afterwards* - a sentence at most.

Dean spared a glance back at you, before turning back, and taking a few warning swipes at Ramona. “Say what you want, princess. Do you have any other guesses on what she might be?”

Knight: Princess? Excuse me? That doesn't sound like the Dean Winchester I know!!

Fang: Oh God.... The princess thing makes my brain twitch angrily in response....

You thought on his question, and of course found that you actually had no answer. Ramona being the way she was, you really had no explanation on it.

“Yeah, can’t come up with a guess, huh?” Dean snorted. He lunged forward and began attempting to aim for Ramona’s throat. You didn’t understand why he was doing that for, to you, it didn’t make sense.

Actually, nothing in this situation was making much sense.

Fang: For once I have to agree with the Sue. Nothing in this oneshot is making sense compared to it's source material.

Knight: If we're going to be shooting at a Sue today, all I can say is; Remember: short, controlled bursts.

Fang: Or! Or we can just fry it with the flamethrower.

“I-I’m still thinking!” You stammered, clearly frustrated that Dean was being an overall smart-ass about this problem.

Fang: Yeah, I didn't get the impression that the line above from Dean was one of smart assery. I don't know, maybe I'm just weird like that.

Ramona’s agility to sidestep Dean’s attacks had the hunter at a disadvantage. He was human after all, and she was a newborn vampire. Her hands suddenly grabbed the front of Dean’s jacket, and with little effort, she managed to throw him aside, his back hitting the dumpster that sat to the side.

Fang: Awww, no. Dean, get outta the dumpster. You're not trash. And you're focusing on the wrong species here! Leave the vampire alone for a moment you got bigger problems to worry about! It's called a Sue and they have a tendency to latch onto you like a tapeworm!

Knight: Sue's are much more dangerous than Xeno's, they don't even have to cut the power!

Fang: You know, that's a fight I want to see now. Alien v. Predator v. Sue. *mimics an announcer's voice* It's the all-night Death Match! Who will win? Only time will tell!

Her dangerous, predatory eyes locked on you, as her hand shot out and gripped your throat in a tight hold. A cough is pulled from your lips, as you felt her nails digging into the tender skin of your throat. You had expected her to bite you, and thus feel the life drain from your being, as she slowly killed you.

Knight:

Fang:

Instead, she brought her wrist up to her mouth, her lips pulled back to show her teeth. From there, she bit through the skin and pulled away. Drops of blood ran freely down her pale arm, and before long, she held her arm above your mouth. Out of disgust you attempted to shy away from the open wound, but found that her steel grip was preventing you from doing so.

Knight: They ain't paying us enough for this, the only thing I like about this job is waking up to Hicks' face...

Fang: Oh, God, tell me about it. I demand more pay! ... And more waking up to Drake's face! These are my demands!

“But it's just another dark day, outside in the yard.
It's cold, bleeding and starved.
But it's just another dark day, outside in the yard.”

Knight: What yard?!I thought we were in an alley! Like wow, song lyrics in the most odd spot...

Fang: It'd be one thing if the lyrics matched up with what's going on in the fic but it doesn't so it doesn't make any sense in putting them in!

Ramona is forcefully removed you once again, her hand withdrawing from your throat, while leaving behind red marks.

Fang: Only red marks, huh? No... y'know? Deep bruises or anything?

Knight: Possibly feeling like shit? Nope. Indestruct-Sue, possibly..

She is able to fight against Dean’s hold, and manages to turn around and land a punch to the man’s temple. He falls to the ground with a grunt, as she makes her way out of the alleyway.

Fang: Just what is the purpose of this oneshot? Nothing of any importance is happening here.

Colorful words are heard from him as he slowly comes to a stand; one of his hands rubs at the spot where Ramona had punched him. Dean blinks once, as he allows his vision to become clear again. “That bitch.” He had murmured, the pain from the altercation was now coming to him at full force. “Forget the dead man’s blood, she’s gonna feel the machete slicing through her damn neck.”

Knight: Oh my god, Dean. Go home, this bitch is not worth your time!!

“Dean.” He quickly turns around and spots you slumped against the brick wall, eyes closed as your head was leaning against the building.

“Ah, crap.” Dean makes his way over to you.

Knight: What-- is this supposed to be the part where the reader is now going to feel sad for the Sue? Well, I'm not sad, now Dean needs to put the Sue down!!

Fang: Well, boo hoo hoo to the Sue. God knows she was perfectly fine for the entire "fight"! It's only just now she's acting like this. To that I have this to say;

He bends down and balances his weight on his heels; his eyes scan over your form, and immediately notes the red marks she had left you. It is then that he finds a drop of blood, and from there his eyes slowly make their way up your chin. Crimson blood is smeared across your lips.

When you open your eyes, you weren’t able to catch the look Dean had made. Your head was pounding with such forcefulness, and your surroundings were suddenly becoming loud and irritating. The sound of a heartbeat, was threatening to outmatch the sound of the cars passing by in the streets. You manage to raise an eyebrow at him, since you were not sure why he was making that face. “What’s the matter?”

Knight: BOOM! HEADSHOT!!

Fang: You know, for the life of me I can't figure out what the purpose of this oneshot was. Oneshots usually have some minor story to them. This was like an opening chapter to a series that never came and was slapped into oneshot status.

Wandering Leo wrote:

This is the best Spork ever.

It will always be the best.

I love your rages uvu just so much

Glad to hear that! Collabs are always fun to do and you get more humor going when you have someone to bounce ideas and humor off of.