Resident Evil: Project Zero [1] Spork/Review

So, I've had my sufficient break after that long stint with the Project K Chronicles and now that there's a twenty-four hour Supernatural marathon currently playing on my screen to sooth my savage soul why not hop back into the waters of sporking?

I'll be hopping right back into the familiar territory of Resident Evil fanfiction, one of the fandoms with the notorious amounts of horrible fanfiction though we'll be swinging at a new focus now. So without any further adieu let's begin this.

Resident Evil: Project Zero -1-

If I had nickel for every last minute titled series I'd be able to afford all the season DVD sets I'd ever need for the next three months. 'Project Zero' is for Resident Evil like any fanfiction with the word 'assassin' is to Assassin's Creed.

I am good at writing stories but I might make a stupid Resident Evil story but I'm gonna try. I think it's gonna sound stupid XD. Well, try to enjoy.

Usually when one suspects their work is mediocre they don't post it around or if they do they post these little memos so as to garner praise from those with zero expectations for what they read. As such, I've glanced at several of this user's other works and suffice it to say that her skills are very lacking.

I woke up, everything was a blur. I wasn't sure what happened yesterday, come to think of it, I wasn't sure what happened the day before, either. I could't remember a thing, nothing but my name. My name is Joanne. Yet I couldn't remember my last name.

Already this is shaping up to be a very lax and predictable run through of very basic tropes. Amnesia brought forth in a Resident Evil fanfiction that involves experimentation is a far cry from originality and seeing as there is no twist added on yet I suspect this is going to be a very bland plot.

I got out of bed...when I realized it was actually an iron table, in a dim room that creeped me out. The table was the only thing in here but scattered around the room were files and paper. The room had a terrible smell, but I couldn't really describe it. Let's just say it was disturbing.

I would like to say that this is the worst description I've ever seen and yet.... Let's just say that it ranks pretty far up there.

Likewise this is in first person point of view and already I've spotted some very glaring problems in this. When writing for first person you have to be able to add your protagonist's thought processes and what they're feeling. We have none of that. We are only given stone, cold facts. Facts that the author deems important.

But here's where things get important for first person point of view; being able to add emotional gravity to a scene, to describe what your protagonist is feeling and thinking helps readers to grow closer to them. It gives the reader something to identify with. Without those descriptors you get a very dry and bland piece that no one will truly enjoy reading.

Getting off the table, which was in the center of the room, I noticed a door. Well, it was the only one in here, so I turned the knob and...it was locked.

And just like that we have the issue with a lack of pacing. Am I supposed to envision this room as so tiny that the table takes up most of it and the instance she got off of this table she was able to try to open the door? Without taking any steps towards it what-so-ever?

Just my luck. Oh great, I was trapped in here! I banged on the door and shouted for help. "Will somebody get me out of here!" I heard a thump come from outside the door, I stand back so they could open it. The knob turned and how relieved I was! Until I saw what came next. A man with brown hair and grey eyes walked in...he was holding a gun! I ran to the back of the room.

In the hands of a capable writer these scene could be made out to be very tense, very high strung.

Yet here we receive the bare bones of what we need to be told to get a grasp of what's going on. There's no emotion! There's no reason for us to feel for this character!

"Oh my gosh...are you going to shoot me?!" I panicked.

"Gosh?" You know, getting a gun pointed at you warrants a little more leeway for cussing like a sailor. Also, I'm so very glad you keep insisting on telling me just what it is you're feeling as without it I would have guessed you were rather bored by the proceeding.

The guy put is gun aside and replied, "No, sorry about that." We were silent for a few seconds and then he spoke up. "What's your name?" he asked. I hesitated, not knowing if I should tell him or not. "First, tell me yours." I demanded. "David. David Conway." I liked that name...David. It just sounded cool.

I knew it! I knew I recognized that name! Here - one of the very characters in Gabby15cancer's repertoire of two dimensional characters within her Project K Chronicles.

Can I never escape that nightmare?

So did his voice. It was low and calm.

A far cry from what Gabby15cancer had written this guy as.

"I'm Joanne." I said. Okay...enough chit-chat about names with this guy. I had to know what was going on...why he carried a gun, why I couldn't remember anything from the past days, and why I was in this room! He turned and walked out, I followed behind. "Okay, why did I wake up in that room? What was I doing in there? Why can't I remember a thing that happened in the past days? I want some answers!" I demanded at him with my glare right at him. Boy! Were we walking fast or what!

Yeah, here's a pro-tip to any aspiring writers out there - fanfiction or original - having your characters lampshade the fact that things are moving way too fast doesn't mean it's okay to do it that way. Things like this need to take time. Having your protagonist implicitly trust any Tom, Dick or Harry just to move along your convoluted plot doesn't make things interesting. It makes them unbelievable.

I didn't even pay attention to where we were, but he stopped, as did I.

Having your protagonist not pay any attention to his or her surroundings is no excuse for lazy writing. The reason the author did this was obvious. She didn't want to be assed to actually describe anything. That'd be too hard.

Well, here's a tip. If you think writing is easy than you're doing something wrong.

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about." he mentioned. What?! He had to! Didn't he? "Okay, ignore those questions. Why are you carrying a gun?" I asked. He looked down at the gun and back at me. "Wow, you really can't remember a thing from the past days, can you? The city is surrounded with maniacks from a virus called Uroboros. The animals are just the same, but the virus the have is Project Zero. That's why this gun is important." he explained.

You know, I've seen a case of typos sky rocketing higher than this but even the few typos in that explanation from Slimy-Git - uh... My bad, old habits - David make it really hard to understand what's going on.

Was he nuts?! People being infected with a virus was in the city and he had to kill them? That's such a lie! "Yeah, sure. Then how come we don't have the Uroboros virus?" I asked him. I bet he wouldn't have an answer to that.

The fact that this protagonist is so childish in thought really shows through to how mature the author is.

How do I know?

Because for characters that I create that go through wild mood swings or have unbalanced personas that swap from mood to mood with little warning I let my own mood show through in my writing. Exampl? Claire Wright from the roleplay C O R R U P T I O N. Since the age of seven she has been on the road with her goofy brother and because of this she has no basis for how she should act around others, oftentimes emulating her deceased brother. Because of this one moment she'll be flirtatious and the next, as the situation changes, she'll be cautious or overly sarcastic.

This is how I know when others do the same with their way of thinking or their moods and their characters.

"Because it didn't get to us. I wouldn't let it get to me. Somebody must have put you in that room so it wouldn't get to you, either." he said.

Yeah, that is not how Uroboros works. It is a giant mass of worm-like beings that converge on the host body as food and drags in other bodies for more food, growing larger. It has a very small chance of success to bond with a host's DNA and create the perfect being as Albert Wesker had been gunning for.

Because of this you don't just "not let it get to [you]". If it gets you you're done.

Oh, so he did have an answer. I still think he was lying. Once I walk out of this building, I'll see for myself.

You just saying you think he's lying doesn't cut it. The whole point of first person point of view is to be able to delve into your chosen protagonist's thoughts. Show us her reasoning for why she doesn't trust this guy, don't just tell us!

"The people put some sort of thing I can't describe down their throat, which is just the author's way of not putting any effort into trying to describe it as well. Then those maniacks try to kill you.

After the Majini shove the parasite into the other person's throat they back away, allow the parasite to dominate the new host. They do not try to kill their own allies after infecting them.

When you have a gun, they just can't get to you." Wow, he knew what he was talking about.

No, he really doesn't. Just having a gun doesn't mean they 'can't get to you.' The competence behind the gunslinger is what makes sure they don't get at you - having a sufficient amount of ammo.

Oh my gosh...I didn't notice we were walking this whole time,

I think that ranks right up there with Bella Swan unable to find her own lips.

and he opened a door to head outside. Still following him, I stepped out and right in front of me were cars that were crashed, buildings that were wrecked and dead bodies all laying there on the street.

Your efforts at trying to describe a chaotic scenario need work.... a lot of work.

"Oh...my...gosh! What the heck..." I couldn't finish my sentance.

Similarly, using cuss words can actually enhance the situation your character is in. Especially if it's used by a character that typically prefers not to cuss.

All this was so creepy!

I'll have to take your word on that considering the lack of proper descriptions fails to give a creepy vibe to the one reading.

That was some car crash! If only this happened durring the day, not night. Seeing this made me want to faint...but I didn't.

Seriously, would it kill you to step out of Beige Prose and actually work on describing anything?

My jaw dropped and I just stared at what looked like a horror movie. David just walked into the street of dead bodies and ran for the sidewalk. I slowly ran toward him, trying to catch up but I was very weak at the moment.

Again, so nice of you to tell me that considering I wouldn't know otherwise because you don't describe anything.

I stepped over the dead bodies, and out of no where I heard a low "Ugh." I looked behind me, but nothing was there. I thought about what David said...the viruses...the gun...the what I imagine zombies. Was I in a horror movie?

Let's backtrack here; David said Uroboros was running rampant. Uroboros does not create zombies. Similarly he then described the parasite derived from Las Plagas that gave us the Majini counterpart to the Ganado. Likewise Majini are not zombies. There would not be zombies running around in this scenario.