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This week's prompt is:
Gently Entangled

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 {Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo)

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PostSubject: {Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo)   {Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo) Icon_minitimeSat Jul 21, 2012 10:14 pm

Ok, brave face Canned, you are a Sporker now, two more chapters and this is abandoned by it’s author.

Quote :
~Recap~
“Ha ha ha, say good bye to your knee caps chuckle head!” He shoot’s at her and a bullet hit’s her leg. She cried out in pain as she turned a corner limping as fast as she could which wasn’t much compared to the scout. “Boink!” Before she could react he hit her across the back for her head with his bat and she was acquainted with darkness again.
Recaps don’t really bother me /that/ much, but I think she could’ve done more than just repeat the last paragraph.

Quote :
~Story Start~

“I do not underzdant. Vhy iz zere a little girl here?”

Oh god it’s going to be a long night! I don’t have enough 7up to last me! Crying

Quote :
“Dunno Doc, I mean she can’t be the spah as she was way too….apologetic.”

It could be a ruse, she’s a spy kill her now before she gets stab happy.
Quote :

“Do not forgetz zhe fact dizguize did not vear off, if it vas ze zpy it vould have ran out vhen zhe zcout knocked him out.”
Spies don’t get knocked out by Scouts. That’s your first clue buddy.

Quote :
The conversation between red medic and engineer stopped when they heard a painful groan from the examination table. The girl had been strapped to it so she couldn’t run anywhere when she woke up.

“~Ah~ ze patient iz avake. Maybe ve can get zome anzwerz.” The medic stood next to the table looking down with curiosity at the little girl as she slowly began to open her eyes.

The Similar sighs make it seem Rape-ish, or is that just me? Also who puts those in a story? Really?

Quote :
The girls’ eyelids fluttered open as she tried to get used to the blinding light. There were two red blurs on either side of her vision before she came into focus. She blinked seeing the red medic and engineer, she tried to sit up but then realised she was strapped to the table.

Realized. Props for first spelling error. Everything else...
Quote :

“Uhhh…hi.” She grinned, can it get any better than this? She’s meeting all of her favourite characters in one day…well actually that depends on how long she was knocked out for.

Howdy.

Quote :
“Hallo, vould you mind anzwering zome queztionz? Like vhy are you here?” She looked to the medic staring up at him; he looked slightly older than what she expecting him to be with grey hairs pocking out of his black. The red medic stared back at the girl wondering if she’d answer the question or not. “Vell…?” The medic folded his arms tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.

Oh my god I have a TF2 RP going that’s more believable than this, and we have tentaspies

Quote :
“Oh…ummm…sorry, got distracted…” She grinned innocently furrowing her eyebrows. “I think maybe I got hit a bit too hard across the back of the head doctor…I can’t remember…” The medic shared a look with the engineer then sighed. He turned and walked to a different side of the room, the girl tried to stretch her neck to see what he was doing but her head felt like a tone of brinks.

“Ve should probably contact HQ zee vhat zey zay to zis.”

Yes, do that. You have a tweleve year old girl in the base that looks like a Pedobear poster girl, get her out of here.

Quote :
“No! No you shouldn’t!” The girl piped up earning herself two curious and confused glances.

“An’ why not lil’ missy?” The girl bit her lip looking at the engineer as he was the only one she could actually see.

“Because….ummmm….well….I don’t actually know… but can you please not tell HQ about me.”

The adults are talking, shoo.

Quote :
“Zat iz not good enough for an anzwer.” The medic frowned at the girl from his desk, not that she could see it. “How did you even get on zis base? Ze zupply train hazn’t been for god knows how long, unlezz you are a new zpy?”

“I’m not a spy and I got here by…a teleporter…I think…”

Pfft Spit yeah she's the new spy, desu pigtails spy.

Quote :
“A teleporter? But they don’t work over that long of a distance and there ain’t any civilisation for miles around.” The engineer said thinking over the schematics of a teleporter. The girl shrugged.

You can tell that, just by his tone of voice

Quote :
“That’s why I said I think.” She watched the engineer think for a moment before looking to the sound of the medic get up and walk back over to her. “Can you let me out please? I can’t feel my feet.” The medics stared down at her with his dark almost black eyes. She looked up at him pleadingly hoping he would believe her.
Collapse

Quote :
“You try anyzing…”

“I won’t I promise.” The medic looked at her for another moment before sighing and untying the girl. “Danke.” She smiled to the medic who raised his eyebrow to her.

“You zpeak German?”

No she speaks internet, she’s a German weeboo, yo
Quote :

“Only a few words, I know a little bit of French too. Bonjour mon ami.” The little girl grinned at the medic who gave her an uncertain look before getting her out of her bounds. Both the engineer’s and medic’s eyes were watching the girl sit up and pull her feet towards her so she could move them and get rid of the pins and needles.

Don’t act so proud, the kids in my French class know more and they all copy each other. It’s a horrible system.

Quote :
The girl looked between the two grinning. “Soooo….what are we going to do now?” The engineer and medic shared a look.

Who else forgot the Engineer was there?

Quote :
“Vell, ve vill need to discuss vith ze team vhat ve vere going to do vith you.”

Here I know make it more German add 'v' and 'z' savvvvy guess wwho I am noww

Quote :
“Oh…” The girl looked down at her lap, twiddling her thumbs. The medic looked over to the engineer sharing another glance with him.

Speak through glances, get money

Quote :
“Engineer, vould you be able to ztay here and keep an eye on…” The medic looked back at the girl and she looked up at him with her big dark brown eyes. “Vhat iz your name fräulein?” The girl grinned and answered.

Wait...did her? Oh my god, her eye color changed. Wow, really? I must be losing it.

Quote :
“Crystal, but people call me Crysie.”

d;lfs;df

whhhhy

Quote :
“Right, if you keep an eye on Crysie, I vill go and zee ze others? Or I could ztay I do not mind…” He looked back to the engineer who rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged.

But you just told Engineer to...I am so confused now guys, why

Quote :
“I guess I’ll go an’ tell ‘em, you stay here. I’ll see you later.” With that the engineer left, closing the door behind him. The girl pouted a little and looked over to the medic that was already at his desk watching her intently. The girl bit her lip and shifted a little letting her legs hang off the table leaning back on her arms.

Pinup pose = jail bait pose

Quote :

“Hmmm….sooo…” Crystal sighed looking down at her feet as they lightly swung back and fore. “…What do you think you’ll do?” She looked to him with curiosity. The medic sighed resting his elbow on the desk and his head in his hand still watching her.

Medic is sooo much more manic, psychotic, Dr. Frankenstien but more, what is this.

Quote :
“Honeztly I don’t know, if you are a zpy ve vould probably try to get information out of you…” He bit his lip in thought then sighed again. “…If you are telling ze truth zen…ve might have to contact HQ, var is no place for a child.” Crystal pouted and looked at him pleadingly folding her arms.

You tell her Medic.

Quote :
“I’m not a child.”

Haha, really? Fuck this noise.

Quote :
“How old are you zen?”

“….twelve…” She mumbled, What Now. then bit her lip and slid off the table. The medic watched her warily as she walked up to him and kneeled in front of him, putting on her best puppy eyes and put her hands together in a begging position. “Please, please, please. Bitte, don’t tell HQ, I don’t want to be sent home…” Plus that fact she wouldn’t know if she could actually go home since she didn’t know how the hell she came here in the first place.

German 101, Bitte means You’re welcome. /Learning and Growing

Quote :
The medic held a strong stern face but his eyes faulted and his face softened. Crystal made tears come to her eyes and sniffed, seeing he was buying it. The medic furrowed his eyebrows, then sighed in defeat, how the hell could he deny that face? “…O-okay, I von’t tell HQ…but you really shouldn’t -…” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he got hugged by the little girl, he tensed not sure what to do.

Hug
No, the Medic is a hard-ass. He wouldn’t do any of /this/ what is this I don’t even
Quote :

“Danke! Danke! Danke! I promise I’ll behave!” Crystal hugged him tightly. The medic slowly hugged back with another sigh shaking his head.

“Vhat are ve going to do viz you?”

I am fighting the want/need to end this with Jimmy the Robot running, but that’s too silly during times of war.
Or is it, Crystal?
The next chapter is four pages on word long, wish me luck
oh what the hay

{Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo) Tumblr_m0p5uoHMsf1qenw12o1_400
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PostSubject: Re: {Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo)   {Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo) Icon_minitimeSat Jul 21, 2012 10:50 pm

Quick! We need to airlift some 7Up to Canned! Stat!

I just had a thought, the Spy is French, right? So wouldn't Crystal-Sue speaking French only give more suspicion to her being a Spy?
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PostSubject: Re: {Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo)   {Review} Next Stop, Purgatory (Innocence (Team fortress 2) Chapter 2 By geminijo) Icon_minitimeSat Jul 21, 2012 11:01 pm

SpecOp Fang-O67 wrote:
Quick! We need to airlift some 7Up to Canned! Stat!

I just had a thought, the Spy is French, right? So wouldn't Crystal-Sue speaking French only give more suspicion to her being a Spy?

I got a refill, all is saved~!

Dear god @-@
how...how did /that/ get overlooked?
mighty fine spork work Hatter, might fine.
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