In The Heart of Fiction: A Hatter and a Snowflake Review/Spork [Pandora Hearts] I

A Hatter and a Snowflake

Oh, God... I have a serious problem. I need an intervention.

Some background information for those of you new to the scene. Back in the day, my main alias was "Hatter" and it got to the point where it would throw me off when reading Pandora Hearts when someone would refer to Break as his Pandora codename, Hatter. I still respond to that alias but Fang has now become the main handle. Likewise, due to my last name being that of the plural form of the coldest season I would get picked on at times by my friends in grade school. One such name that cropped up had been that of "Snowflake" - that is until I thusly headbutted the guy in the stomach for it. i wasnt the nicest of people shut up

As such when I ran into this fic it was as if it was calling to me. Boy, do I regret listening to that calling.

When Break was still Kevin, he went into the Abyss... and made another contract with a chain?

Kind of impossible, considering he's already formed a contract with Mad Hatter. The only way he would be able to host a contract with two chains is if he would have one legal contract (see Mad Hatter) and one illegal contract (see the one he forms a contract with in this fic). The only person whose done this thus far in Pandora Hearts is Vincent Nightray. It's not even a commonly known fact that you can achieve this, either, as Duke Nightray expressed confusion and shock over the fact that he used another chain on him other than Dormouse.

Not even out of the summary yet and we have massive canon violations. This can only get better... right?

BreakxOC


Pain. THat was the first thing Kevin felt when he opened his eye. His body hurt all over, but most of the pain came from the left side of his head. He felt bandages on that side of his face. Then it came back to him; that girl, the Will of the Abyss, took his eye and gave it to her lightly touched the bandages

Hmmm, someone didn't proofread or hire a beta reader. We seem to be missing the last half of the first statement. Unless, of course, Intention of Abyss did, indeed, give an eyeball to her "lightly touched bandages" though what that would achieve is beyond me.

and groaned, it wasn't just another nightmare, this was real. Then he questioned, where was he? Was he still in the Abyss?

For someone who's had his eye viciously ripped out of his socket, passed out witnessing little Sharon and Reim finding him and then waking in a place he does not recognize with obvious medical attention having been administered to him he's rather flippant and lax about waking up. Most people would probably be freaking out.

"Oh you're awake." A voice like small, tinkling bells shook him out of his thoughts.

Oh, God. It's the musical, bell-like voice. It's gonna be one of those characters, isn't it?

He looked to the side and saw a white haired girl with eyes the color of a cloudless sky.

You know what, I'm going to make this easy on you. Her eyes are blue. There's no need to go so purple on us.

Her white hair was very long and seemed to glow in the morning light. Her skin was as pale as snow and her white and light blue dress compliemented this. All these attributes gave the girl an etheral, almost inhuman appearance.

Pale skin? Check. Abnormal hair color (even for the series)? Check. Inhumanly appearance? Check. Kid's only said three words and she's already a massive Sue.

Kevin remembered her from the Abyss. She had been hiding in a corner when he had met the Will of the Abyss.

I was under the impression chains didn't often get the chance to hang around White!Alice mostly because she's often seen with Cheshire and her abnormal, living dolls in that room of hers. I believe she even points out to the chain White Knight how much of a task it must have been to reach her and bring Break to her when he had initially been sucked into the Abyss.

They may somewhat revere her and look up to her and listen to her orders but I think that has more to do with the fact that she's kind of fused with the Core of the Abyss at birth.

She smiled, "I'm glad you woke up. Miss Shelly, Sharon and I were begining to worry."

Kevin's red eye narrowed," You... you're a chain from the Abyss, aren't you?"

I'm not sure how he came to that conclusion. The only chain who has human form is Black!Alice and arguably White!Alice could be seen as a chain in a way.

Spoiler:

Look, it's complicated. You'd have to read the entire thing to actually get it. I have - twice - and I'm still not entirely sure I have everything figured out. This is a series so full of twists and obscure plot points that are only now being revealed that it makes writing fanfictions like this nearly impossible without resorting to Alternate Universe (AU).

The snowflake gave a surprised look, as if she hadn't expected such a question,

I'd also like to know why the narrative came to start calling her "the snowflake" already, too. Not only is it out of left field without something or someone pointing out that she's supposed to be called this it's another Sue-ish trait that she's being called after something often depicted as beautiful to look at.

"Um... Y-yes I am." She started to blush, "But I'm not very strong... Oh! I haven't properly introduced myself yet, have I?"

Despite Kevin's silence, she went on, "My name is Snowdrop,

Oh God! The author named her chain after Ada's pet cat in the series!

and your name is Kevin, right? That's what Alyss called you..." Her blush grew deeper.

No. Alyss is the fan spelling to distinguish White!Alice from Black!Alice. Their names are still spelled one in the same.

Kevin sat up, "Why are you not in the Abyss?"

"Don't you remember? You made a contract with me, Kevin-Sama."

Kevin gave a startled look, he didn't remember making a contract with this girl, this chain.

Snowdrop could see from his expression that he didn't, "Well, it doesn't matter if you don't, because Snowdrop is here to serve Kevin-Sama!" She simled and glanced down shyly.


"Why should I trust you? How do I know you won't betray me?"

"Because," Her eyes met his one eye, "I am shy, quiet, weak, and easily scared.

Why do I get the feeling that this is going the way of a Purity Sue? Although I will give credit where credit is due, unlike Gabby15cancer at least Bambi can back up what she's telling us of her own character.

Chains like me don't last long in the Abyss... But you made a contract and saved me! I owe you everything. Snowdrop would never try to hurt you, because I'm happy to serve you and help you in any way I can."

Snowdrop can stop acting all twee and shit. That's really starting to grate on my nerves already.

"You said you're weak, so how would you help me if i came into danger? You'd just be someone I'd have to protect, therefore, a thorn in my side."

No. No. I'm not even going to go into how Break came from being a knight who willingly guarded an entire family until their massacre in which he then spiraled into depression and formed a contract with a chain in a bid to resurrect them contradicts what he's saying here. Nope. Not gonna do it.

Snowdrop looked down, but she smiled, "I know I wouldn't be able to help fight, but I would find some way to be useful. If I had to, I would take every enemy blow, to keep you safe. Snowdrop's life is your's, so you can do as you will with it."

Oh, that is the start to a very bad Master/Slave porno. I can just feel it writing itself.

Kevin stared at Snowdrop, for how long he didn't know. This chain was being sincere. He sighed and looked away, "Very well, I will allow you to stay with me, but you will do as I say and be loyal only to me and those I serve, understand?"

You know, this is already making Break OOC. After he was dropped from the Abyss missing his eye he became a giant douche for some time. He even lashed out at Reim for trying to stop him from injuring himself further. He most likely would not be speaking rationally to this stranger, not unless she had answers to what happened and where he is. It's implied that he didn't start getting so angry with the world until after Lady Shelly told him of the fate of the Sinclair family he had guarded after he had been spit out centuries after his original time. When he was told that after Intention of Abyss had granted his wish to stop the massacre they had been massacred again sometime afterwards with no survivors where-areas the first massacre that he had failed to prevent had left him with a little girl from the family.

Snowdrop's face lit up, "Yes Kevin-Sama," She stood up and moved from her chair to his bed and sat next to him, "The first thing Snowdrop will do to help you is adjust your bandages."

She probably should not be messing with those bandages. I'm assuming the Rainsworth family has hired someone professionally to deal with those. They are one of the Four Great Dukedoms and have the money to spare for such an emergency expense.

Kevin sat silently, allowing Snowdrop to redo the bandaging on his face.

Which is completely contradictory to the fact that he pushed the much younger Reim away full force for trying to stop him from intentionally scratching at his wounded eye socket.

He then asked, "Where am I?"

"We are in the Rainsworth's mansion. Miss Shelly, little Miss Sharon, and Mr. Liam are here as well."

His actual, translated name is Reim. This means that the author is using the unreliable translated scans on the internet for her information.

He sighed, "I don't know any of those people."

Snowdrop finished adjusting his bandages. She took a brush from his bedside table and began brushing the tangles out of Kevin's long white hair,

I find it a little creepy that she didn't ask to do this. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

"You'll meet them soon, and don't worry, they're very nice people. They helped Snowdrop look after you while you were asleep." After she brushed out the tangles in Kevin's hair she pulled it into a loose ponytail, "Is there anything else Snowdrop can do for Kevin-Sama?"

I swear to god if the answer is anything akin to "blowjob" I'm leaving.

"No." Kevin made a mental note about Snowdrop: she seemed eager to please him.

Yeah, that observation about Snowdrop? It only fuels the porno Master/Slave implications.

"Okay, then may Snowdrop ask Kevin-Sama a question?"

"I don't see why not."

"Why..." She brushed some stray hairs out of Kevin's face, "Why do you think you made a contract with me?"

"I don't know, but if I remember, I'll tell you."

The little snowflake started blushing again "Th-thank you, Kevin-Sama."


A/N: Yay my first story! please be nice, 'kay?

Which usually roughly translates to "only praises, please!"

anywho... yes i know that Snowdrop is the same name as one of Ada's cats, but bear with it...if you want to know more about snowdrop or see a picture of her, you can message me.

If that icon near your fanfic on the site was any indicator I already know she's a near direct White!Alice rip-off in appearance.

VS.

R&R and Break will give you some candy ^^

Ooooh~! *gushes, growing red-faced and looking a little too pleased* If that means Break will come and kiss me~, and hold me~ and ties me up and --

Oki: *rushes into the Sporking Room, throwing the door open with a bang**smacks Fang upside the head with a rolled up magazine* NO! Bad, Fang! Keep it M-rated! You know the rules!

*whines pitifully, rubbing the lump on her head*

Break: wow was i really that mean at first?

No, actually you were much meaner. Try raging douche-nugget levels.

Snowdrop:...yea kinda...

Break: oh well... WHO WANTS CANDY?

*Shakes head while drinking sprite.* One of the main reasons I really did not like this. The name Kevin I really, really hate that name. And reading some of the paragraphs made no sense what so ever.

Thank fucking god. Puts a bad taste in my mouth. And you and Oki are cracking me up right now. I love it! I have never heard anyone use the term bugfuck, and purity-sue. But I have to agree, they are annoying. The make me want to punt babies.

Half-Truth [ Memory ] wrote:

ADreamingEmi wrote:

Thank fucking god. Puts a bad taste in my mouth. And you and Oki are cracking me up right now. I love it! I have never heard anyone use the term bugfuck, and purity-sue. But I have to agree, they are annoying. The make me want to punt babies.

Glad to be amusing~! What's life without causing some laughter, eh?

And I totally agree!

Exactly!! Haha, poor ike. zD