In The Heart of Fiction: A Hatter and a Snowflake Review/Spork [Pandora Hearts] II

A Hatter and a Snowflake
Kind of like what I was doing before starting on this chapter.

A/N: Yay Chapter 2! i was going to put this up earlier, but with school and getting REALLY sick for a few days, i didn't...

Typically, you don't have to explain yourself. In fact I'd recommend saving your Author's Notes for important tidbits about the story itself as this meaningless note is just ramping up your word count. Oh, wait...

oh well. I want to thank MirrorDede for giving me encouragement -hug- and thanks to Roxy-chan-12 for putting Snowdrop in her story, Sugar Coated School Year!-hug- those two are awesome!

*sighs* This is so the typical Suethor reactions to receiving praise for something not really well-thought out and full of canon violations. It's sickening, too, that after only one chapter someone already included the Sue into their story.

Oh yea this chapter skips ahead a few years to Oz's coming-of-age ceremony. the years that I skipped will sometimes be looked back on via flashback..

Normally I'd bitch about the time skip but even I have to concede that sometimes you have to or you'd be slugging through nothing that advances the story in any way. I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt here and think that's the case with Bambi Birthday.

"Break-Sama! Break-Sama!" Snowdrop ran through the halls of the Rainsworth mansion searching for her master.

*cringes* I'm sorry. I'm still getting smutty Master/Slave vibes here. Disturbing considering the sterility of this particular fanfic.

She called out, "Break-Sama, where are you?" She turned a corner only to crash into the man she was looking for.

Break staggered back, but managed to keep his balance, "Now Snowdrop, you know better than to run in the mansion." He playfully scolded, as if she were a child.

Break pouted playfully, holding up his hands in a mock shrug. The sleeves of his coat overlapped them, hiding them from view. "Now, now, Snowdrop-chan, running around isn't something you should do! Perhaps you need some punishment~!"

There. Break is now deliciously fixed for you.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where you were and I was worried..." Snowdrop replied as she clung onto him.

Break, run! Get the restraining order before she gets too clingy and obsessive!

He chuckled, "There's no need to worry. It's not like I'm going to die in some tragic accident while you're not watching."

Yeah, this is not Break. While he wasn't douche-y enough in the last chapter he's not playful and comedic enough in this one. We're at a point in the Pandora Hearts timeline where Break constantly acts as comedic relief. When he grows serious you know shit's gotten real! He'd be picking at and taunting Snowdrop, not reassuring her of anything.

"I know." Snowdrop looked down, very embarrassed, and blushed.

"Stupid Snowflake! Stupid Snowflake!" Emily called out from Break's shoulder.

"Emily! Be nice to our little snowflake." Break said to the eery blue doll,

My eye just twitched at the "little snowflake" tidbit and not even for reasons pertaining to this fic.

"You know her low self-esteem prevents her from handling critisism well." Snowdrop sighed. Break pointing out her insecurities didn't make them any better.

That's exactly why he does these things. He picks on people. For example he picks on Black!Alice for being a glutton all the time. He picks on Sharon (who physically is about thirteen but mentally twenty-three) whenever she meets teenaged boys because (quoting VOLUME ONE) "[Oz] is the type of shota boy that suits your tastes, [Lady Sharon], so you two are well-matched."

Break turned his attention back to Snowdrop, "So why was my snowflake looking for me?"

NOOOOOO! Break! Don't be sucked into the trap of the Sue! I implore you!

"Miss Sharon told me to make sure you were ready for when we leave for Oz Vessailius' coming of age ceremony."

"Oh that's tonight, isn't it? I had completely forgotten!~" Break said, almost absent-mindedly, "But for now we have a more serious matter to attend to. It seems I have run out of lolipops, so we must get some more!"

Oh, dear merciful Christ, she's turned him into a babbling moron....

Snowdrop stared at her master, "But... didn't Miss Sharon tell Break-Sama to get ready for the ceremony as soon as possible? She wanted Snowdrop to make sure Break-Sama did.."

Can we drop the third-person speaking act? Snowdrop is Snowdrop. You are you! I didn't find this crap cute when the fandom made Misa-Misa from Death Note do it constantly in their fanfics either so why would I enjoy seeing it constantly here?

Break gave her the smile that always seemed to be plastered to his face, "Worry not, dear Snowdrop! We still have hours before we must leave. And also," his voice became a little more serious, "I've already told you, you don't have to call me 'Sama.' A simple 'Kun' or at least 'San' is all I want."

This? This is not my beloved Break. Break is goofy, he teases, he picks, he seems to never take anything seriously! Break is the guy who climbs into cupboards and all but teleports away in seconds only to show up from under a table later! This guy featured in this story is the typical Desu male! This isn't something that would come out of Break's mouth! He'd be more inclined to fake-cry and whine about "how Snowdrop-chan must not love [him] as she refuses to call [him] by -kun"!

The pale chain sighed again. She and Break had this arguement every morning,"B-but, you are Snowdrop's master. It is only proper for Snowdrop to address you as such."

This is such a blatant rip off of Gilbert and Oz's Master/Servant relationship it's ridiculous. At least in Gil's case he had been brainwashed by the Hag of Old Age-dom that he must ALWAYS protect "Master" no matter what, even at the expense of his own life if need be. Oz had a hell of a time getting Gil to stop calling him "bokka-chan" or "little master" for the longest of time as children.

"I don't want to be your master, I want to be your friend, or something like that. Wouldn't that be better."

It would be better if you'd snap out of this Sue-trance of yours and return to the witty, clever and funny Break I know and adore!

Snowdrop shook her head, "No. I swore myself to you as your servant, and that is what I am, your servant."

Did you swear to rip off sweet (not so) little Gil's characterization as well? Because you're doing a stunning job at that.

Now it was Break's turn to sigh. Apparently today would not be the day he got through to his childish snowflake.


"Very well, you win...for today at any rate. But this isn't over."

"I suppose little Snowflake-chan doesn't really love me~! Shame, shame~! And here I had been thinking of sharing my candy with you!"

Once again; fixed your Break for you. What do you keep doing to the poor guy to keep breaking him like this?!

ooooOOOOooOOOOOoooo

Soon, they were on their way to the kitchen when Snowdrop asked, Wait.. Isn t Break-Sama banned from the kitchen for eating all the cake?"

That man is a servant to a household that is one of the Four Great Dukedoms. He'd be loaded in cake solely because Lady Sharon would make sure he had them to sate his sweet tooth. If he stole from the kitchens it'd be to intentionally aggravate the cooks there. Most likely via stuffing himself in the cabinets and cupboards or randomly appearing from underneath tables without warning.

Break smiled, What the other servants don t know won t hurt them, and if they don t know then they don t hurt me~ "

Those poor statements... both missing a quotation mark on one end.

"But... Okay, if this is what Break-Sama's wishes, then Snowdrop will go along with it."


Break's nonsensical grin got wider,

Nonsensical means something doesn't make sense. How does a grin not make sense?

"Then it's decided! We shall continue to the kitchen~" He ruffled Snowdrop's white hair, careful not to mess up her ribbons.
Soon they were peeking their heads from around the corner of the kitchen door. Snowdrop looked nervously from Break to the sweets cabinet in the room and back again.
"Well, ready Snow?~" Break singsonged.

"Um...not really." Snowdrop relpied

"Good, let's go!" Break grabbed her hand and ran into the kitchen. Being quiet, they hid behind one of the counters next to the sweets cabinet. Snowdrop sat there while Break grabbed lollipops and stuffed them into his pockets and her hands. So far so good, maybe they would actually get away with it? It seemed that way, until...

If he was in such need of sweets Lady Sharon probably would have supplied him with some. Despite his goofy, sometimes bullying nature they have a deep respect and friendship with one another.

"BREAK! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING IN HERE?" Break and Snowdrop turned their heads to see one of the stricter old maids that had served the Rainsworths for many years.

Break tried to look as innocent as he could, "Um, well ma'm you see... we uh...we... Snowdrop, run!"

I just.... No! This is not my darling Break! This is his much duller, and stupider counterpart! The real Break would have cracked out some witty line about pilfering sweets!

He yelled as he pulled her forward by the hand. They ran through hallway after hallway, at least Break ran while Snowdrop was dragged by him, to be exact.

Which is contradictory to what he actually does. When Break runs off after making someone aggravated intentionally and he has Lady Sharon with him he will scoop her up into his arms and carry her away.

Three halls later, Break grinned, "I think we're safe~"

Snowdrop sat on the ground crying, "Waahh! Miss Sharon will be so mad at me for letting Break-Sama get into trouble!"


"Snowflake's in trouble! Hehehe!" Emily laughed.

Break kneeled down in front of Snowdrop and softly pulled her chin up so that his red eye met her blue ones, "Don't worry, Miss Sharon knows you can't stop me when I decide to do something. If anything, she'll yell at me and hit me with one of her paper fans, but she won't be mad with you. Okay?"

Break would be teasing her mercilessly! Not acting all cute-sy and understanding! That's not who he is!

"That's worse! You'll get in trouble."

"And I am perfectly okay with that. So don't worry."


"Y-yes, Break-Sama..."

Break then noticed the time displayed on a clock hanging on the wall, "Oh my! We need to hurry and get ready for the ceremony!"

It seems that no matter the Suethor they just can't pace out a story well enough for it to be any good.

ooooOOOOooOOOOOoooo

Break and Snowdrop stood outside beside the carriage that would take them to Oz Vessailius' coming-of-age ceremony. Break had changed from his casual purple and white outfit into a black suit with a long black coat while Snowdrop no longer wore her white and blue corsetted dress but instead a light blue evening dress that Sharon had given her for occasions such as this.

"Ready to go Ojou-Sama?" Break asked Sharon when she walked up to them.

"Yes Break." Sharon said in her nice, ladylike tone.

Eeeeh... That term - "nice, lady-like tone" - makes me cringe.

Break helped her and Snowdrop into the carriage and they were off. Snowdrop noticed that Sharon hadn't said anything of the day's episode in the kitchen. In fact, she had been chatting happily with Break for most of the ride.

Maybe she didn't hear about it Snowdrop thought. she smiled in relief.

"That reminds me.." Sharon said to Break in a tone that made Snowdrop and Break cringe, "You went in the kitchen today."

Oh no...She didn't forget! Snowdrop looked at Sharon, her face the image of pure fear. She saw that Sharon was holding a paper fan. Oh no...

This is so common in fanfics like this that try and emulate manga and anime that it's not even a cliché anymore. It's just flat, boring and stupid.

SMACK!WHAM!SMACK!

Sharon repeatedly hit Break in the the face, "I thought I told you that you were banned from the kitchen! And yet today you just went in there and took more sweets!"

SMACK!WHAM!SMACK!

You know, Lady Sharon may hit Break with that fan she has strapped to her thigh from time to time but she's never excessive about it. Usually she smacks him once and then she's done.

By this point, Break's face was red from getting hit and Snowdrop was hiding behind a pillow, as far away from Sharon as possible.

Since when are there pillows in carriages?

They still had at least another half hour till they got to the mansion, which meant that Sharon had plenty of time to abuse her protector.

Once again I'm getting serious smut-vibes from that line above. Is the author even aware of what she's typing?

This was going to be a long ride...

A/N: well thats chapter 2, which was written while I listened to enough music that had reference to candy to make any (sane) person go mad...

I think the end was little abrupt (gomenasai..)

Enough with the random Japanese. I can tolerate the suffixes, those appear in even our officially translated versions. But you are not Japanese.

Oh well... I'll get started on chapter 3 asap, but until then R&R and Break will give you some candy^^

*looks askance at the Sporking Room door**wisely chooses not to say anything in fear of getting smacked by Oki again*