The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06]

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Once again, I'm back. Hopefully for the last time. So let's kick it!

Quote :: Mikki’s p.o.v. I decided to give Bara a bath before getting one myself. I have a feeling giving him a bath would take a lot longer than giving myself one.

Why? What is he, a cat? Or that stupid dog that just won't sit in the damn tub long enough to get cleaned?

Quote :: “Alright Bara, prepared to get clean!” I said opening the Bathroom door.

I'm getting tired of the random capitalized words. They don't make you appear smarter they have the opposite affect in fact.

Quote :: Definitely not my house. The bathroom was bigger than my house. But then again most bathrooms are bigger than mine at home. I thought to myself. I began to run warm water into the bathtub. As it ran I got out some soap and washcloths and few toys too. Bara was sniffing around. I stopped the water after it got to a good height. “Alright Bara, up we go.” I said and carefully put Bara in the warm water.

“Chika chika.” Bara said calmly.

So much for that theory of Bara being a tough one to get in the bath. Once again her Pokémon is just the most perfectly well-behaved thing ever and serves no conflict to his new Trainer. This is ludicrous.

Quote :: Apparently liking the feel of warm water. The water came a little under the green beads that were around his neck. I took a washcloth and began to get him all wet. I started to hum 2.B.A Master as I got a the washcloth lathered up in soap.

“Okay Bara don’t move to much.” I said. Bara took that hint and splashed a leaf-full of water at me. I was dripping water. “Okay Bara, don’t make me fight dirty.”

I don't know if it's just because my mind is eternally in the gutter but....
The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Creepfactor

Quote :: “Chika~” Bara said mischievously. He rolled his eyes like ‘who me?’. I stuck out my tongue at him.

“So much for gentleman.” I said. And Bara gasped.

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Picard-facepalm-o-1

Quote :: I began to scrub him down since he remembered what he was.

That seems to imply Bara is so stupid he forgot he was a Chikorita. Even better it implies that Mikki-Moron couldn't scrub him down until he remembered he was a Chikorita.

Quote :: He looked kinda like a cloud with red eyes when I was done.

...? Chikorita are a grass-type meaning they're typically equated to plants - since when would a grass-type like Chikorita have fur?

Quote :: “Now Rinse.” I used the washcloth to remove the bubbles from his body.

Ooooh, it was the stupid bubbles well why didn't you say so? You can't just have minimalistic details like this and expect the audience to know exactly what you're talking about.

Quote :: “Don’t move, I don’t want to get soap in your eyes.” I warned as I poured water near his face. I had a very clean and refreshed looking Bara. I got a towel and scooped him up. I dried him off as I walked to my room. “You wait here while I get clean.” I told him as I took a pair of pjs with me. Instead of a bath I ran a shower. And it still feels as good as the real worlds.

Once I had Dried off and put on my pjs, I took a look at myself in the mirror. I still looked the same as in the real world except I had bright purple eyes. Cool, I have purple freaking eyes! I guess hazel colored eyes don’t exist in the game or anime. But they gave me purple eyes.Too cool. I brushed my hair back and went back to my room.

Purple eyes? .... ..... ..... This is abyssmally stupid. *tosses Chapter File S.I.A.G. 006 over shoulder*
The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Original-6

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Original-6

HEY! Hey wait! Fang, don't go! I have a stomachache darn it!...

Well...there she goes. Guess it's time to pick off where she left off... *sigh*

Quote :: "Bara? Where are you Bara?” I asked the quiet room for Bara was nowhere to be seen.

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] 000b2w5p-1

You 'asked the quiet room'? How do you ask a room for anything. It doesn't answer back. Maybe 'my voice broke through the silence, asking for Bara. Still, there was nothing but silence. Bara was no where to be found.'

Come on! sentence structure! Word placement! Learn something, dammit!

Quote :: “Chikorita!” Bara said walking out from under my bed.

“Ah there you are.” I said picking him up and putting him on my bed. I opened my window. It summer and the cool breeze from outside felt nice. I laid down on my bed. “I know exactly what I’m going to do.”

“Chika?” Bara asked.

“I’m going to be a Pokemon Trainer. I want to battle and go places.”

Just like every other Pokemon fic ever written out there. There's no originality, no real fresh start. Half the time you don't even get a reason as to why they want to be a trainer, they just do because apparently think that's the only path they can follow.

With worn out themes and no twists or turns, the old 'I'm gonna be a trainer!' card becomes worn and dry quickly. Nothing new, nothing to look forward to.

Quote :: I explained to Bara. I’m not going to tell him I’m from another world. I don’t know how to explain that or even how I was picked to go here.

Ha! Look at that! Another point I made in my fic! Great! More stolen ideas!...

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Tumblr_m0dou0UHkS1rqfhi2o1_250

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Tumblr_m0dou0UHkS1rqfhi2o1_250

Quote :: “Will you be my partner through it all?”

“Chikorita!” Bara said. I pat Bara’s head.

Of course it will! Because it has no other choice in it's miserable existence but to serve the master who has inserted herself into a poorly written Oc/self insert who thinks she knows it all! What fun!

Quote :: “Okay then, see you in the morning.”

Wouldn't you have seen it in the morning regardless if it had chosen to be your partner or not?

Quote :: I said covering us up as I fell asleep. As I slept I had dreams of swirling water and a song that couldn’t possibly be human. It was hauntingly beautiful.

Ten bucks says it's going to be some form of legendary Pokemon sometime in the story.

Quote :: I woke up with Bara already waiting by the door.

“Go on down, I’ll catch up with you in a minute.” I was still listening to the sounds as the died as I became more awake. What was that about? I got out of bed and actually made my bed. “Who knows when I’ll come back?” I got dressed and packed my bag with everything a Pokemon Trainer needs. I put on my boots and went down stairs.

This is boring. Have amusing Pokemon gifs~.

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Pokemon-gif-hate

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Pokemon-gif-pidgey

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Pokemon-gif-who

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] C48b6MIBreadypokemonready

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] 1305603838637

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Vote_for_n_by_lucario1759-d3dxnh0

Okay, I'm done! I swear!.

Quote :: “Good Morning Mikki.” Mom said holding Bara in her lap. “I got you these.” It was poke gear and running shoes. I stuck the running shoes function onto my boots and put away the poke gear.

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Leo

... .... .... ....Really? Running shoes function! So I guess running is just some new invention that you need to stick something on your shoes to actually be able to do! That's news to me!

Quote :: “Mom, Mom I’m going to be a trainer. And thanks for everything.” I said.

“Well there is one thing that you need to be a Trainer.” Mom said getting up and gave me a Hat. Not just any hat. It was my Dad’s hat. My dad in the real world was around and there for me but my memories for the game, my dad died helping pokemon from Team Rocket.

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Afndbsdjldsvs-1

Dafuq are you talking about?! What?! So, do you not care about your parents in the 'real world'? And you have to add a tragedy toward this 'new world' simply because you can?

This is so broken, so stupid! Why would you have a family in this world?! Are you taking the place of the actual person who was once there, forcing them into your world because you made this wish that sucked you into the game?! What are you doing?! This doesn't make sense! And it's mentioned again, and again, and again! And will probably be mentioned several times over in the one hundred and seventy six chapters it has!

WHY?!

Quote :: “Mom.” I said quietly. I didn’t know what to think anymore. Mom took the white bandana with the purple poke ball logo from my arm and tied it around the black hat and put it on my head.

You don't know what to think?! What about your God damn readers who can't even pin point on this broken logic and video game devices that are so thrown into this story, it makes your head spin!

Quote :: “You look so much like your father, He and me would be so proud of you Mikki.” Mom said.

We don't know what her 'father' looked like! In fact, we have so little baring on what Mikki-Sue looks like, we're not even sure of what she's actually wearing! It's so poorly written with so little description, you could just glance over it and not even realize what you've read!

Quote :: I went and hugged my Mom before I started to cry.

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] 169199c9

WHY! You have nothing to be upset about rationally! You didn't know the man! In fact, if a writer was clever, it could be pulled off that these were 'false memories' to make her feel 'more at home' in a world that wasn't her own! But no, we just get this bull crap that give us little insight of what the character is actually feeling much less it being completely needless! There's no reason! We didn't know her father, we hardly know her, so what's the point?! There's no emotional attachment, so get on with your sucky story!

Quote :: “Thank you Mom!” I said loudly.

“You’re Welcome, Now go get ‘em!” Mom said as I went out the door.

Oh God, there is so much more of this to go...I need to go find my happy place...what is my current happy place...?

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Okisig

The Very Best! [Review of ☄ Sucked into a game ☄] by windgirl13 [06] Okisig

Happy place! :D

I need brain bleach!

Admin PokéPartner : Posts : 2397 Reputation : 172

The Reaper wrote:: I need brain bleach!

All of the brain bleach. Air lifted and in a hurry...or in my case just Vector or Chris~.

Twilight Owl wrote:

The Reaper wrote:: I need brain bleach!

All of the brain bleach. Air lifted and in a hurry...or in my case just Vector or Chris~.

Yay~

Twilight Owl wrote:

The Reaper wrote:: I need brain bleach!

All of the brain bleach. Air lifted and in a hurry...or in my case just Vector or Chris~.

Are you sure you want Chris? Considering what I'm sporking you may get that and so much more you don't even want~. Insane

Admin PokéPartner : Posts : 2397 Reputation : 172

SpecOp Fang-O67 wrote:

Twilight Owl wrote:

The Reaper wrote:: I need brain bleach!

All of the brain bleach. Air lifted and in a hurry...or in my case just Vector or Chris~.

Are you sure you want Chris? Considering what I'm sporking you may get that and so much more you don't even want~. Insane

D: Oh God, I'm scared! I take that as a 'Vector is your safer bet right now'?

Twilight Owl wrote:: D: Oh God, I'm scared! I take that as a 'Vector is your safer bet right now'?

All of the safety with Vector right now. You have no idea.

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