MadHattersPassion
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 |  Subject: MISSION S.P.O.R.K. - Beyond Nightmares 2  Fri Jul 27, 2012 2:35 am | |
|  {|Mission Start|} - Quote :
- What happen to me? I'm I dead or alive....or both? How in the hell can you be both? You're either dead or alive and if you're infected by any of the viruses - depending on which one - you're still either only dead or alive. All I remeber that I was choked after that nothing.
Wait a minute! I thought she was doing the choking! Argh! Why can't people translate this crap properly?!Vector: Fang, do you read? AAAAAAARGH! Hi, Vector.Vector: .... .... I think it would be wise if I just chose to ignore that. I'm to pass along the translator though bear in mind that it's not perfect. Be sure to expect a few mistakes here and there. I don't even care! It's about damn time! - Quote :
- I
do hear talking, and I try and open my eyes and I manage to open them and I lift up my head and saw my brother, 2 guys, and 2 girls. I got up and my arm felt like someone just stabbed me, so I looked around and saw my brother comming coming up to me and hugged me tight and I feel pain all over and I said painfully, Dear God, it's like someone just spilled a crate of 'ands' all over this fic! - Quote :
- -Sky:"Damn, finish the job why
won't don't you." then he let go and said,
-Elliot:"Opps Oops, sorry sis, I'm just glad your you're alive."
-Sky:"Yeah whatever, what happened?" At this rate the translator is going to break before I even get to eliminate the threat!Vector: Management wants me to warn you that if that translator breaks you're on your own again. What?! Damnit....
On a side note, I love how ungrateful to her brother Sky is when he expresses that he had been worried for her and was happy that she was alive and, for all intents and purposes, well. The way she responds makes me pick up on the fact that she's perfectly content with brushing away these concerns and joy and she doesn't express any delight herself in the fact that her brother is also alive and unharmed. And people call me the monster for siding with Umbrella - at least I can at least be grateful for things. - Quote :
- -Elliot:"They found us and
brung brought us here." he pointed to the group and I got up and walked over to them and said with a smile,
-Sky:"Thank you, I'm really greatful grateful." then the guy with brownish blonde hair grab my hand and kissed it and look into my eyes sexyly sexily and he said,
-Leon:"Hey there, I'm Leon Kennedy, and I must say you look beautiful and...?" then he was pushed out of the way and a brunette guy came infront of me and took my other hand and kissed it and said while looking in my eyes sexyly sexily,
-Chris:"And I'm Chris Redfield and I would like...?" then he was pushed to by 2 girls and they said, There are so many things at work here - the first being how Sky instantly shows a better attitude to total strangers than to her own brother, who I remind you, was worried that she was possibly dead or dying. On top of this Sky's M.S. influence already has both Leon and Chris drooling and doting over her and acting wildly out of their normal personalities.
Leon is a gentleman of sorts, but he is a ladies man, too. A key difference to how he is compared to the atypical ladies man is that Leon doesn't out right flirt in such obvious ways, he's more subdued with his flirting. Chris however isn't really known for flirting. He's a generally caring guy who probably wouldn't think of kissing the back of a girl's hand. - Quote :
- -Claire:"Hi I'm Claire Redfield, Chris's sister."
-Jill:"And I'm Jill Valentine."
-Sky:"And I'm Skylar Koenig, it's good to meet you all." I shook their hands and I said,
"So, when are we going to leave?" You are aware you have not yet begun your mission, yes? I'd suspect the answer would be a resounding WHEN YOU FINISH THE MISSION YOU WERE SENT ON. - Quote :
- -Elliot:"We can't now Sky."
-Sky:"How come."
-Chris:"There They're stronger in the dark, and more faster."
-Leon:"and their are they're getting stronger as we speak."
-Sky:"But how?" then out of nowhere the window shattered and Tamil's came in and at first their where 4 of them and they look like half human and half animal zombies and you can see parts of them were missing, Hey, why isn't the translator working anymore? ... ... Uh-oh... I don't think it's supposed to be smoking like that!
Also - what in the hell does a half-human, half-zombie look like? A zombie is the corpse of a human, it cannot be half anything else. It's a corpse of what was previously living now reanimated to follow only its baser instincts. And the lack of descriptive prose doesn't allow anyone to envision just what these 'Tamils' should look like as according to Hananiwa. It's all rather lacking. - Quote :
- so I smirked and I reached in my bag and took out my gloves and put them on and I said, "I think this party is getting crazy."
So not only did she clone Tifa for her appearance but she ripped off the putting the gloves on before the fight. And the way this had been written this was a surprise attack, Sky shouldn't have time to reach into her bag, find and put on her gloves before the Tamils descended upon her. It's too convenient that she is able to. - Quote :
- I got in my fighting stance and the other starting to shoot and I starting to fight and then 1 was down and Claire got 1, I got 1 and Chris got the others, then more came pouring in and now it's around 15 or 19 of them and I know we can fight all of them so I yelled, "WE MUST GO, WE CAN'T FIGHT ALL OF THEM OURSELVES"
For a scene that should be action packed and full of tension it's awfully dry and lacking. Do you see the importance of detail now? Without it we can't accurately envision a fight, we don't know how everyone is doing or what they are capable of to be able to envision it without descriptions provided to us.
Also there's a giant contradiction of "I know we can fight all of them" which is followed by Sky shouting "WE CAN'T FIGHT ALL OF THEM OURSELVES". Proofreading would have caught this blunder and saved everyone confusion. Normally I'd say this contradiction would be jarring and would take the reader out of the story but there's no way a reader would be able to get into the story to begin with with such lacking details and set-ups. - Quote :
- my brother nod from the other side of the room and me and the boys went thought a door and I shut and lock the door and the Tamil slamed into the door and I told them, "I don't know how long this door will last, but we need to go to the roof top and find a way out."
It's awfully convenient that Sky gets to trot alongside the two men she's got an eye for. And that's all this is - convenience. Sky doesn't have to work to get outcomes she wants, the author merely forces the story to go the way she wants so Sky won't have to do said work.
Also, going to the rooftop would be the worst plan they could think of. These Tamil are strong and should, logically, be able to break down the door separating them from their prey easily and in short time. Unless an evac chopper was on the way to meet them and they knew the roof top in question has enough room for the chopper to land then the roof would only serve to corner them as enemies followed after their scent. - Quote :
- -Leon:*salute sarcasticly* "Yes ma'am." I know Leon occasionally has a snarky comment to give but he's more witty about it. This just makes him seem rather immature. I rolled my eyes and went up the staires and the others behide and when I reached thetop, I saw a Tamil running at me and I quickly kicked it in the head and slamed it on the wall and I kicked it so hard that the head fell off and I said,
I'm getting fairly tired of all the displays of brute strength on Skysue's part. Being able to dismember a body with a kick would take muscle so much muscle, in fact, that she would have a body builder physique and not a slender and slim build as we're shown with the Tifa image. On top of all of this, close quarters combat should be a last ditch plan for fighting off infected as it gets you up close and personal and with that comes a higher chance of getting bit or having bodily fluids from the infected land in a cut and thus infecting you too. - Quote :
- -Sky;"Stay dead." and the boys saw it and they said and look like,
-Both:O.O O.O "Whoa...."
-Chris:"Note to self, don't never ever make her mad." and Leon nod in agreement and I smirked and said sarcasticly,
-Sky:"Don' worry, I won't kill you.....yet." and they gulped and I walked away biting my lip and trying not to laugh - Quote :
- and I walked to a manager's office and I try to open it but it was lock, and Chris said turning around,
-Chris:"I'll go andfind the key."
-Leon:"I'll help too." I roll my eyes and lift my foot up and I kicked the door with force and itbreak in half andthe boys were like,
-Both:"Ohs***." I point at the door and said,
-Sky:"It's unlock now." Hmm, this seemed like an unnecessary action to take just to open a simple door... Perhaps if we had some sort of person who could, I don't know, pick locks... A Master of Unlocking if you will.... It's too bad there isn't one of those around! - Quote :
- I went in and the boys did to and Chris said amazed,
-Chris:"You taught you how to fight?"
-Sky:"My stepfather did."
-Chris:"Oh, okay neat." Since when does Chris Redfield say anything even close to 'neat'? I nod and Leon found bullets andChris found something I didn't see it so I looked out the window and found a ladder that leads up to a roof,so I said to them,
-Sky:"I found a ladder that leads up."
-Chris:"Alright, so when do you want to go?" Why are they so easy-going about this entire situation? Shouldn't they be hurrying to attempt to contact and regroup with Elliot, Jill and Claire? - Quote :
- -Sky:"Now, do you got what you want?" Leon went up to me and said,
-Leon:"I don't."
-Sky:"What is it whatyou want?" then he winked at me and I said, "Oh go suck a combat boot."
-Leon:"I like to suck something." ... Did Leon just make a pass about how he likes to suck dick to try and get into Skysue's pants? - Quote :
- I gasp and I said out loud,
-Sky:"PERVERT!!!" Yes, let's shout at the top of our lungs and alert all enemies to our area. then I started to climb the ladder and I heard Chris said,
-Chris:"Why won't you back off from her."
-Leon:"Why won't you make me Redfield." I can't stand their jelousy so I yelled,
-Sky:"WHY WON'T YOU2 JUST SHUT UP ALREADY AND COME ON AND I'M GOING HAVE A TALK WITH YOU 2 WHEN YOU 2 GET UP HERE." Yes, why are you two arguing and acting like raging hormonal teenage boys over a dime-a-dozen woman you just met? You know practically nothing about her which tells us that Chris and Leon (or what they have been reduced to here) are only after her for her appearance and that's not going into the fact that these two men are wildly out of character as is. - Quote :
- -Both:"Yes ma'am" then they start to climb and I tothe top and......
I'll end it here, later. This mission is exhausting...What is your progress report, Fang? There seems to be a new virus running rampant. I'll see if I can't collect any samples to send back to the lab for inspection. The target is still in sight but I'm hanging back to gather more intel.Make sure you don't lose sight of the target. Understood. | |
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